Hugh Acheson

Hugh has some choice words for the "Demon Chef."

on Jun 27, 2012

To the wet market. The guys are faster at finding tour guides and that helps immensely until they run into the fairer sex and the woman chefs follow them to the shop. Time to tie up some crabs in tin figure four leg locks. Nookie wins this but the reality is his dexterity has been honed from years of intricately folding baseball cards into throwing stars. Nicole has jumped into this challenge but is all thumbs when it comes to crab wrestling. The crabs untie her failed knots and laugh at her Americanized ways. The sound of a crab laughing at you is humiliating.

To the Peking Garden. Not the peeking garden, as John had hoped. It’s dumpling time and Nookie is a mess at this. There will be no dumpling diet in David Ortiz’s future, you can be sure of that. Nicole, not placated by her failure in crab tie, is stepping right up again. They finish second but it’s a close one and remember, Nookie is no Usain Bolt. The guys win but its only due to off-camera repartee of John and Nookie reenacting Full Metal Jacket with John playing Gunnery Sargeant Hartman and Nookie playing Private Gomer Pyle. Lovely positivity. 

To the harbor. The challenge is set with a progressive menu and teams of one. The exceptional ingredient is an extra hour in the kitchen with a sous chef from Bo Innovation. First they get to experience the cooking of the biggest dickwad ever to wear a cut-off black t-shirt and Ric Ocasek’s glasses in a kitchen. I am sure he’s a great cook and innovator, but this guy is compensating for a lot of other shortcomings by screaming at his staff and trying to get into Avery’s cutoffs by the third course. I will admit to finding the dog food intriguing though, but not enough to get me to spend a dime in his restaurant. Stay classy, Alvin.