Bethenny Frankel

Bethenny thanks you for your honest responses, and lets us it's all about the small changes.

on Mar 7, 20110

Wow! Last week was intense and it's only the beginning. I read all of your comments and I always appreciate your time, feedback, and, most importantly, your honesty. I have learned so much from you throughout these years and I continue to do so.

When I agreed to do my show, I knew it wouldn't be easy. I could very easily manufacture plot lines, pretend everything is perfect in my home and office, and try to create drama for entertainment. However, that isn't who I am. I do my show because I think it is important for it to actually be "reality." I think you deserve the honesty that you have given me back.

This is the first year of my marriage, my motherhood, and my success. I no longer strive for balance because it probably won't ever come. Right now I strive for quality time with my family, integrity in my career, and a good night's sleep.

The episode:

Rachael Ray: What she said about balance defines my life. It probably isn't going to happen so I better just accept that. I'm so thankful to her for creating such a special experience for Julie. I was so happy to give Julie a day for herself. She deserves it and rarely takes one. This job isn't easy. Many people think they want to work for me but it isn't a party.

Us Weekly: The humor isn't lost on me that Us Weekly was nice enough to name me one of their most stylish New Yorkers. This must mean that someone else canceled. I do the best I can, but a fashionista I'm not.

333 comments
Bocah
Bocah

Hollie J - Nicole and Jason,Just wanted to tell you that your wddnieg pictures are absolutely breaktaking! Looks like the day was not only the first day of the rest of your lives together, but the smiling faces (even laughing ones) sure show how perfectly happy you guys are together. Congratulations )

Roaemarie
Roaemarie

Bethenny,I am writing to you because I suddenly am seeing a new Bethenny showing up every week. Please bring back the old one who was looking so hard for a warm loving family. When you move into your new Apartment,please do not have all your staff move in with you. Really, make it a home for the three of you. Perhaps you can walk in the door at night,and let out a big sigh,kiss your husband,hug your baby put on a pair of sweats and really enjoy living.I'm not sure you realize that you are doing to your little girl the same thing your folks did to you.She may grow up and feel the same about you that you feel about your Mom.Think,Think,Think.

A view from afar
A view from afar

Please let your in-laws in. Do not shut them out. You have always pointed out how your parents never supported or gave you enough attention or love. I have been in your shoes. You have these awesome in-laws. Let them love you and your daughter. They can be the parents that you have never had. You seem to want to isolate Jason, Bryn and yourself from them. Embrace them. They seem like such good people.

NYNanny
NYNanny

Bethany - I really enjoy how you and your family are developing. Your relationship with Jason is pure and respectful - nice to see. I have to say, for a tough broad (and I mean that as a compliment) you sure do tear up a lot. Is that new since having your daughter?

Lightbird
Lightbird

Bethenny , have your ever thought of having a weekend getaway, beach cottage, hidy-haven for you and Jason and children....it would be a good routine for the future to establish . It seems that all your get aways are to Jason's parents...this is nice, for now, but the two of you should be thinking about your own "retreat" as something additional to your marriage. It may ease the situation you are feeling.

Salgirl
Salgirl

LOVE LOVE LOVE you and your family.....in my head you are my new best friend!!!

daniellebr
daniellebr

Very well said. I hope you take this advice Bethenny. I see myself in you, but maybe only slightly less of a spaz, and the best advice I've gotten in life is to calm down a tad. Good luck to you, and keep being the person your husband fell in love with.

Brian In Atlanta
Brian In Atlanta

Should I be embarassed that, as a 52 yr old SWM, I love watching Bethany and Jason? I'm not! I find myself laughing with them at their lives and recognizing elements of my life in theirs. They have invited us into an honest version of their lives that includes a down to earth perspective, wonderful quirkiness, dry humor, life challenges & deserved successes, charity for others, humility, and introspection. Thank you Bethany and Jason.

DQ
DQ

Bethenny, I had given up on watching reality TV and then I started watching you after you broke away from "Housewives". Your show is awesome I truly believe you are being "yourself" and I love your strong personality and I envy your ability to be so honest with your feelings. You gave me the courage to seek professional help and work on my assertiveness. Thank you.

suzie
suzie

Hey Bethany, I just love love love your show and so glad to have you back on Bravo. I am a single mom of a beautiful 9 yr old who will be 10 in May. I just have to say i watched ur episode which you wanted Nick to do a food blog. I just have to say you kept saying there was something about nick... i am wondering if he is on the autism spectrum like having Asperger's ... i only say that because my daughter was diagnosed w high-functioning autism/Asperger's in Nov of 2009. He just may be shy but it would explain alot such as him w little eye contact, strange sense of humor.. he will be one of your best employees... but i don't know who can beat Julie or Gina. Just wanted to give u heads up.. he will be a great asset to you especially if he loves food because he will tell you everything about everything dealing w food because if that is what his passion is he will let you know... My daughter surprises me everyday and i crack up because she comes up with the most interesting comments just like Nick... just thought he might be ... and not even know it ...It might help u communicate w Nick LOL.. i know having a conversation sometimes w my daughter is very lnteresting. Keep up the great work .. u are a great mom and a terrific friend. suzie from Louisiana

meana
meana

Please bottle your pear martini, you should bottle all of your skinny girl cocktails....skinny girl margarita isnt sweet enough for me :( I dont drink alot so I dont mind the extra calories with a little more sweet :)

Viewer29
Viewer29

love nick :) i always liked the quirky guys. they never talked to me in college :( now im married to a very normal jason type. which is great. but still miss having nick types around.

fanofbethenny
fanofbethenny

God Bless You for your support of Nick! Not many people who may seem so differ from other people can be shown as someone who has amazing talent. It's cause of you that you have shown you're loyal viewers not to judge a book by its cover. Nick may seem differ (hope he didn't get critisism for the pepper thing with your baby cause God knows I have said plenty of fuck ups trying to be nice) but you have really shown him in a better light to the nation. I hope he does well cause the guy is smart even if he may seem introverted. God Bless you tho girl for being kind to everyone you and Jason run into. MMWWAAAAA!!!! Stephen

Bobbybear
Bobbybear

Looks like we were members of the same club Dee. A brief of my story was posted on this blog today [march 14]. The most deteriorating force in a loveless growing up, I think, is the caustic, humiliating, criticizing belittlement. Old dark shadows get cast on us before we can even understand.

And it may well enhance "creativity". imagination is my strongest suit. Of course, no one knows what I might have turned out to be given a caring, Loving family.

Thank You for Sharing some of Yourself,

Bobbybear

TX MAMA
TX MAMA

Bethenny, I am watching your most recent episode of Bethenny Ever After,,,,and there is A LOT of emphasis placed on the production issue of your skinny girl margarita....supply less than demand.

Rest assured....there are some suppliers....even in remote locales. I was in Waco, TX...1.5 hrs south of Dallas. I went into to a liquor store thinking I may be able to find boxed Chardonnay...and THEY had Skinny girl margarita...so it is getting out there.

Thank you! Love it!

LaLa Jerzchick
LaLa Jerzchick

I feel so bad for nick he looks so uncomfortable! i wanna give him a big hug!!

FUNNY!
FUNNY!

Hi Bethenny! I just thought of a name for the blog something with the word.. CRAWL-INARY ! Love that you found a spot for Nick. I think it's going to be funny. The show just gets better and better! You putting that toy together in like 4 seconds was a riot.

NancyR upstate NY
NancyR upstate NY

Bethenny,

I have to tell you. I have a very CLOSE family. My husband not so much. We have a son who is 11. My husband always joked that I would move back in to my childhood home if I could. Some days he was right.

We live 2.5 miles from my parents home. When my son was born I felt it was the only place I could truly relax. I used to say "my heart sigh's when I walk in the house". I am a working mom and my husband worked lots of overtime when my son was born. So I would hang out there a lot. As kids get older you get busier taking them to activities and things. Now I hang out there very little....or I should say just enough. Even if Jason lived down the street from his parents it doesn't mean he would see them every day. Sometimes I go 3 weeks without seeing my parents. It's weird and difficult to explain. I'm just saying geography doesn't guarantee that they would see him and Bryn everyday. Life gets in the way no matter where you live. There's a saying "where ever you go there you are".

Also,...LOVE LOVE LOVE skinny girl Margarita's ..have Naturally Thin and Skinnygirl dish and can't wait for the next book.

Dee Pittsburgh
Dee Pittsburgh

Since when does Jason have to "always" talk Betthenny's side? Do you think he is a puppet or something? I love it when he speaks up to her.She needs more of that!

Dee Pittsburgh
Dee Pittsburgh

Are you girls crazy? He takes ladies to hamburger joints! I think you should aim higher. Take up golfing, lots of great men at the courses.

Mary Jo
Mary Jo

Bethenny's baby looks just liker her paternal grandmother. Bethenny needs to relax. ALL of us loving grandparents claim to want to see more of our grandchildren and be with them 24/7. It is easy to say but, realistically, not possible. Age, schedules, grandparents have their own lives also. She should relax and not worry about the comments of her inlaws! They are just typical everyday, loving grandparents. Enjoy the blessing that they are!

Relate
Relate

Bethenny, I can TOTALLY relate to your situation right now. I am 38, got married two years ago and am expecting our first child- a girl in June! I come from a good home/family, however due to divorce and just growing up, our family is not that close. My husband's family however is VERY close, he has several brothers & sisters and they each have a bunch of kids so there are A LOT of family functions- ALL the time. It takes a while to get used to, which we've been together for 6 years now so I have eased into it, however, there have been situations where they make comments that are a little intrusive, even though I know they don't mean to be. But here is my take on it, as of this week anyway, I might explode at something next week being 7 months pregnant! YOUR family is you, Jason & Brynn. Your EXTENDED family are his parents, and as much as he may want to see them every week, Jason can't possibly expect all of you, let alone just he & the baby go there for a visit every weekend! Where is your life? The grandparents to me need to look at themselves and realize what they do & let you guys be married and establish your own family? Didn't they get to do that? We are all supposed to have & raise children to be independent, self sufficient and capable of running their lives because we WON"T be there forever. I would never want my daughter to grow up and have her family center around what I want. Its just not right. Compromise is a wonderful thing, but I think Jason needs to look at what he's contributing to your situation and adjust a little bit. #1 reason for fights/divorces? Money and in-laws. He should not allow his guilt or feelings for his parents in ANY way affect the decisions he makes now for HIS family. They honestly don't have any part in your life decisions. Can't wait to see how it all works out, as I am in the same day to day coping with what it all brings my way. Jason needs to learn he better always take your side in this as its a huge betrayal if he constantly defends his parents to you.

elizabeth raboin
elizabeth raboin

This comment re "it is not all about you" really sums it up very well.

Bethanny reminds me of Kate Gosselin and how she treated Jon on the original series. Let that be your barometer and don't be a shrew.

My 2 cents

cara30
cara30

You have a big heart and it show! Thank you!

I love watching the show. I can relate to you in so many ways. I also appreciated the fact that you just put it out there no matter what the consequences might be. Communication is key!

I just wanted to tell you that I was very happy to see Nick again. That part of the show brought a tear to my eye. When you said "He's the guy in the corner of a lunch room who no one takes the time to get to know!" I could relate my son has aspergers and sometime people don't take the time to get to know him. We need more people like you in the world that will take the time to get to know someone. Even If they aren't "the guy at the bar getting the girls." You are so geniune and sweet and your interaction with Nick brought a tear to my eye. You have a big heart! xoxo

chrstn
chrstn

Yes, I completely agree with this comment. I've always enjoyed your show Bethenny but I am disturbed by the self centered attitude. It's clear you don't understand!!! The joy of having a child is sharing that child with parents and Jason is lucky enough to have parents who want to be involved, who aren't working and are not divorced.

sanray
sanray

Bethanny I love you but I have to tell you that you are completely wrong when it comes to Jason and his parents. They lost a son so that may be that is why they want to see there only son one a week. That may be a lot for you but if he is willing to drive there once a week with there grandchild them let him and you see them once a month. They are a very loving family from what I can see and losing a child has to be the most devastating thing that can happen to parents so that may be why Jason feels so close to them he is all they have and now you and your daughter so please don't take that away from him or her. You and him have the rest of the week to make memories with your daughter so why can't you give his parents some time with there first grandchild and only son. You seem to be comming accross on TV as a shelfish person who is only thinking about how you feel .

Leah and Rachel
Leah and Rachel

Hi Bethenny,

We are two Jewish single girls From Chicago in our early 20's and love your show. We have become interested in your assistant Max, who we know our parents would approve of considering he is a Jewish boy with a job. We are going to be in New York City for our spring break in a week and were wondering if you could set us up with meeting him.

Hope your family well and that you all are happy.

Love always, Leah and Rachel

Dee Pittsburgh
Dee Pittsburgh

You are so brave to speak out about a topic that makes a lot of us uncomfortable. It was not you fault that you were not given the perfect family to raise you. What comes from this is creativity, strength, and compassion. When you are hearing your sibling getting beaten with a belt, it is a scary and horrific experience. So much so that you grow up fast and decide that all that "craziness", is just something you will never have in your own home. As children we have little choice, but as adults we can make the needed changes to have a peaceful productive life. Bless you for making the changes.

katrinalynne
katrinalynne

Hi Bethenny- I get a headache looking at all these essays people have commented on your blog. So I'll keep this short and sweet. First off, your show is amazing, so real, and speaks to so many women who are deeply inspired by you. I have the exact same situation as you- I don't have a relationship with my father (i do with my mother, but she lives across the country), I've been very career driven, and now I'm married with a baby, trying to find a balance. I walk around feeling like a lunatic every day cause I'm the only one in the world this stressed out and confused. Watching your show made me realize I'm not, and thank you for that. I swear we are the same person in two different bodies, we could not be more alike. Thank you for showing women that there is no normal, and it isn't always easy finding balance. I get closer every day, and I know eventually you will too. Keep your head up, take a breather, and you'll be just fine.

Dee Pittsburgh
Dee Pittsburgh

Dear Bethenny, when I saw you on housewives my opinion of you was very negative. I am starting to see another side of you. I do not even think you realize what the show is about. To me the show is now about a woman that was "underparented", finally meets someone that loves her, and her transformation. There is a baby and in-laws and friends that you now have in your life. What happens from here is up to you. You have the opportunity to be aloving caring Mom, good teammate to Jason, and supportive daughter-in-law to the Hoppy's. I really hope you realize that you can now finally trust someone and he is not leaving! So put your abandonment fears on hold and be thankful that you allowed yourself to be loved the way you always deserved to be. My husband and children have healed my wounds,so I know there is great hope for you.

Dee Pittsburgh
Dee Pittsburgh

You points are well written, however what you fail to realize it that Bethenny has to face the embarassment of her upbringing on national tv. It was not her fault that she was "underparented". That is what I call all of us out there that were sweet little kids, but just did not get what we needed. Unless you have walked in her shoes, you could not possibly understand how this affects one's self worth. Sure she is combative and swears, and is funny, however underneath all of this is a broken spirit.Trusting in Jason will take time. It is not easy to trust when you feel abandoned. So please do not be so hard on Bethenney. I really do not think she is totally aware of what she is dealing with. Perhaps if she talked to others that have been there, she would understand that through suffering comes great strength. She will conquer the demons, but she will need lots of time to digest all of it. She fills her day with too many tasks, because she does not want to think about the wrong that was done to her, a sweet kid.

Dee Pittsburgh
Dee Pittsburgh

You are close to being right on this one. The fact of the matter is that Bethenney has so much anger about her own family, that he now has transferred the anger towards the Hoppy's. She is afraid that Jason does not love her the most. SHe sees him with the parents and this is how she may feel. I know because it happened in my own family. Insecure women are not always emotionally able to handle the Mother-son relationship. She wants to have Jason all to herself to prove that she is "loveable". I know this to be the case because my best friend is a therapist and she pointed this out to me.

becky kenerson
becky kenerson

I looooove your show..love how honest and outspoken u are..you tell it like it is! I myself have come o believe that normal does not exist so i think u need to take it easy on yourself girl!

Frannie C.
Frannie C.

Love love the show.....it is sooo real and funny and sad and just everyday in the life of the Hoppys..

Valentinebaby71
Valentinebaby71

Jason is married to Bethany, not his parents!! He needs to stop using his guilt for his parents against Bethany. She had a newborn and a business, what does he do by the way? It seems like he just wants to run back to his parents, why did he get married then. And what new mother wants their husband to drive their newborn child 100-200 miles alone because he misses his parents, cut the cord already. I think once every 2 months for a visit + holidays! You's are a family now, Jason needs to act like it!

marcias
marcias

I totally get the "inlaw" relationship. It is really hard when you work all week, then have to worry about visiting relatives on the weekend. Jason should understand that when he is home at his parents the feeling he has is not the same for you. He has the comfortable feeling being at home around his family but it is stressful for the other person. They could be the nicest people in the world but staying at someone else's house (when you really want to be in your own home) is really hard. I honestly don't think it is related to how you grew up. I grew up in a so called "normal" family but the "inlaws" visiting thing happened to me and I was not happy. It was fun and nice for my husband but I was miserable. I want to know if Jason's mother spent a lot of time with her mother/father in law and how that went. In my case, I found out my mother-in-law did not like doing things with her inlaws family yet I was suppose to be happy spending lots of time with her. I don't know anyone that loves spending lots of time with their inlaws...it has nothing to do with whether they are nice...it is just not comfortable. So you are totally "normal" for feeling the way you do.

Bossgirl
Bossgirl

Bethany, I love your show and your new family. I relate to you because I am always honest and pride myself on being real. Peope either love me or hate me because of it. Also, there is no such thing as a perfect family..even if both parents were present. My family was so unique... as I was raised in a single parent household, but I was raised by my father. You will be fine, I have no doubt. I must say that your daughter is truly adorable and such a cutie. Be well.

kiki13
kiki13

Please take this as constructive criticism- it is meant as such.

Your biggest problem as I see it is you do not calm down, especially when you are in situations which are uncomfortable for you. You need to sit back and breath calmly (think about Yoga) and take a couple of beats before speaking. I know you are truthful, etc, but being honest does not mean you should say everything on your mind at all times. This is where I think you go off the rails- you seem to feel justified in saying whatever is on your mind and use the excuse that because it's how you feel, it doesn't matter if it hurts other people and you are just honest. Like that's a good thing. Not true- there is a time and place for the conversation like the one you had with Jason's parents about how much time you want to spend with them. You would be better served to have this conversation with your husband privately first, come to a compromise, and allow him to decide how and when to discuss this with them- not that you can't participate, you should participate. But there's no need to embarrass and hurt people. It's not all about you!! Your feelings are not the only ones involved. There's Jason and Bryn and the extended family- they all do count.

I understand how you feel about not coming from a "Betty Crocker" home because I did not either. But one thing I do know- Jason's parents are not going to live forever and keep in mind how difficult it was for you- who barely had a relationship with your father- to experience his death with regret about all those things you didn't have with him?. How do you think Jason will react when he has this experience in his future? Do not deny him the love he gets from his family and stop making it about you and how you can't feel comfortable about family. Jason does feel comfortable about having family and that IS his reality- your "normal" is not his normal! We all have had our own experiences and maybe there is no normal but there is better and worse. Would you wish for the past you had to be on your child? No? So worse is not better. (It's not a judgement of you as a person-we are all dealt different cards and have to deal with what we got- it's what you do with that which makes the difference). It's much better for your child to have the love and affection of her parents and grandparents for whatever time they are here. Do not take it for granted!!

My grandparents were all gone very early in my life and I miss them everyday because now I know how much they could have contributed to my outlook and feeling good about myself. The point of grandparents is to love your child and be there for them all children need this support, even when they have 2 parents.

STOP now and think, be a little more humble- you are stll living too much as if it is all about you and it is not. Don't do to your little girl what your parents did to you- they lived all about themselves. Stop having a meltdown and stop trying to convince Jason of what is going on in your head, and start changing what is going on in your head. It's up to you!

Dee Pittsburgh
Dee Pittsburgh

WHen there is "underparenting" there is a brokeness feeling that comes. I still have this feeling. I remember being ashamed of having to explain my family situation to my futher in-laws. They seemed judgemental of the fact that my Dad left our family to marry his girlfriend.They were "normal". Noone in their family had ever gotten a "divorce". The Hoppy's seem so loving and kind if I had the chance I would invite Mrs Hoppy to come to Pittsburgh and attend a charity fashion show with me , my Mom, sis's , and friends. SHe is a loving lady and I would always want to be with someone like her 24/7. The Dad also, mine was evil till the end.

maureen leibovitz
maureen leibovitz

Bethenny the only way you will ever find peace in your life and heart is if you forgive your Mother. It will take time of course but all this talk coming from wolves etc. Its a bit much. She did call you. Her life was difficult as well. Anorexic and alcoholism will do that. Its not something one wants. Please give it some thought. Perhaps you could discuss this with your therapist.

ur making shawn faces too!
ur making shawn faces too!

BETHENNY, YOU'RE ACTUALLY MAKING SHAWN FACES NOW! TOO FUNNY! THE CLIP WHERE NICK TRIES TO EXPLAIN HIS FOOD PRINCIPLES FOLLOWS WITH YOU LOOKING JUST LIKE SHAWN! MOUTH OPEN, NO WORDS AND BEWILDERMENT! SEE, THIS REALITY SHOW IS TRUE REALITY! MAKES YOU LAUGH AND MAYBE CRY...BUT NO NONSENSE WITH CATTY FIGHTING WOMEN WHO SHOULD WANT TO BE REVEALED IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT LIGHT. WHEN YOU CALL JASON TO THE FOOD FAIR RESCUE ---I JUST LAUGH AT YOU SOOOO MUCH!

Gigi One
Gigi One

I think you are great. I love your honesty. I have never voted before on anything and I had to vote for you every night on Skating with the Stars. You are one heck of a powerhouse. I get it about your inlaws. They are great but you don't have time to go there and visit every three weeks and Jason needs to stop the insanity as well. You are building a future for your daughter and your husband. It is not realistic to be out of town for work and then have to drive to their home town so often or entertain them. You have to keep going while you are on a roll. Fame is fleeting. They will have plenty of time to love your daughter....right now she is so young she just needs you, Jason and I love that baby nurse. When she is older and can talk and understand who they are.... that is when it will be great to have them around so often. I'm not saying never let them see her - but there is no normal as your therapist said. My husband got a great job in Denver and we left suburbs of DC and all my family. I don't miss the obligations and I had a good upbringing and siblings. But when you are 40 year old adult, you can't juggle exercise, a career, new marriage, etc. and go to visit your in-laws in that small town - although they are lovely people. Just tell them to let you get used to all this. Maybe with your wealth you can move them closer either in New York or if you move to California. I do really wish my in-laws were that sweet. They do love you and just are good people as you know. So glad you are away from Kelly and Jill.....they just make no sense. Alex is the only sane one now. I like Sonya but I heard she was married to the late Anna Nicole Smith 100 year old husband and is broke. She seems to think all men can't resist her. I think she needs to find a sugar daddy with her taste. :)

Aisleen
Aisleen

Hey Bethenny I am a keen observer of people. And I can see past what people present. While I have sympathy for you and your past. I can also see it is something you use to get your own way. For the time being it will work with Jason. You can ignore what I am saying or you can open your eyes and learn a thing about your behavior patterns. Jason is very loving. But it will not continue if the patterns you are comfortable with today continue much longer in the relationship. Some of the very things your mother suffered from and dealt out to you seem to be the very things you try to protect. This really isn't about Jason or his parents. it is about control and the feelings of losing it. Unfortunately for you . I feel like you are unaware of this being the cause of your anxiety. You have some major relationship disabilities due to your upbringing. And selfishness is evident. Instead of always trying to get Jason to understand your issues. I would suggest you keep quiet a little more and observe the behavior patterns that make Jason a very wonderful person. He has a lot to teach you and your to busy talking about yourself and all your issues. You give him way to much baggage to have to handle and soon it will have to drop the weight of it no matter how much he loves you. Stop trying to make him feel bad about his life with his family. It is not useful and blocks you from accepting your past. Let it go. Instead of marinating in it. Just move on and have a good life. And respect that Jason understand healthy families better than you. it is not a competition. No matter how many times you cry and argue the facts will always be the same. He is the one that came from a healthy family and you are not. Your wasting your time giving your negativity so much space.I believe it is you that needs to accept things and not him. That is were you lose the plot. His parents really are the reason you love Jason. Stop being so terrified by family love. And start celebrating it instead. You will find much more happiness that way Ask yourself is the anxiety I create over this issue more comfortable for me then just going along with it and learning to enjoy it. I understand family dysfunction and how it hurts partnerships. I to tried to protect said dysfunction as I mistakenly believes it was part of me. It is only if you keep letting it be.I also think your therapist is way to easy on you.If he didn't tread very softly you would no longer see him. Get strong and face your demons. No more tears when faced with a learning experience with Jason. It is beneath you to use them to not face your fears.

NOT A THERAPIST
NOT A THERAPIST

BETHENNY, AFTER YOU READ THESE, IF YOU DO--YOU CAN FIRE YOUR WONDERFUL THERAPIST!!! OH MY.... WELL MEANING PEOPLE CAN SAY THE MOST PECULIAR THINGS. I KNOW EVERYONE'S ENTITLED TO THEIR OWN OPINIONS AND THIS IS A BLOG, BUT IF JASON'S MOM IS "CONTROLLING" OR "MANIPULATIVE"-WHERE CAN I ORDER TEN OF HER???? HAVING LOST A SON, MY MOTHER WOULD HAVE PROBABLY REPEATED THE WORD "HONORED" A HUNDRED (OR MORE TIMES) TO WITNESS/TAKE PART OF THE WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE OF JASON GETTING MARRIED TO SOMEONE HE IS OVER THE MOON ABOUT! JASON'S PARENTS SEEM LIKE LOVING AND GRACIOUS PEOPLE. BETHENNY CERTAINLY LOVES THEM AND JASON IS TRYING TO FIND HIS WAY WITH ALL OF HIS NEW ROLES. I'M SURE THE SHARING OF EMOTIONAL STORIES HERE HAS HELPED BETHENNY REALIZE THAT SHE'S NOT ALONE IN HER NOT SO "NORMAL" UPBRINGING. PSYCHOANALYZING JASON'S PARENTS EVERY WORD/MOVE ISN'T NECESSARY AND PROBABLY HURTFUL TO JASON. REMEMBER, BETHENNY HAS A WONDERFUL THERAPIST! HAPPY HOPPY'S ALL AROUND!

7paul
7paul

There may be "NO NORMAL", but clearly you recognize that your upbringing was not "normal", otherwise you wouldn't be so intent on giving your daughter a better childhood than your own, and striving so hard to create your own stability and happiness, for yourself and your family. I admire your self-awareness and determiniation.

Having said that, PLEASE give your husband a break. The only reality most people know, is their own, based upon their own experiences. His idea of normal is based upon a traditional family. He didn't deserve to be on the receiving end of your melt-down! Your behavior toward Jason seemed a little self-destructive. Rehashing therapy sessions is NEVER a good idea when you are out to have fun and relax.

I do think you are a VERY inspiring, self-made, modern woman, who epitomizes the American dream, with great style and humor. You are interesting and entertaining. Keep it up, Bethenny!

KatyD
KatyD

Dear Bethenny,

I started watching your show b/c I loved your frankness and tell it like you feel it personality. I have always been a what you see is what you get person and in the face of so much self infatuation and fake caring you remained you. I first saw you on a rerun of the housewives show when you all were on the birthday trip with Ramona and Kelly had her breakdown. I am very happy for you in your new found appreciation for life and yourself. I just got to sit down and watch the latest episode of your show by way of dvr (have to love those!) and I thought I would give you a bit of my perception when it comes to the balancing act with Jason's family as I had a similar discomfort (for lack of a better description) after marrying my husband. The first time I went to my husband's families house for a gathering I was indescribably uncomfortable to say the least. I grew up in an unaffectionate household that also extended to my grandparents and uncles. It was odd to see family gathered together and enjoying each other. My childhood was spent with a parent who avoided those types of gatherings at any cost. However uncomfortable I was I loved my husband very much and tried my best to hide my discomfort. The best way I found to overcome this discomfort and find a common ground within myself is to look at our beautiful children and I know that I have and will do everything in my power to have a better relationship with my children....and now getting to the point....looking ahead to their future I would want my children to want us to be a big part of their lives and include us in as much as possible. I am not saying I want to be hoovering but think about when your beautiful baby girl is all grown and has children....your grandchildren that you are going to love so much.....you are going to want to be involved as much as possible. So, in saying this....it might help you understand why Jason and his family feel the need to be intertwined so tightly. I agree 100% that noone can define what is a normal relationship between parents and children or grandparents and grandchildren. I think what you and Jason can agree upon will be the normal for your family. Everyone is different and that is part of what makes everyone special. I hope that I have been able to give you a different way to look at what is a difficult situation when you love someone so deeply.

Many Blessings!

Ceil in Ohio
Ceil in Ohio

It struck me after reading this that it could very possibly be unfilmed dialog between B and her therapist. This couldn't be more spot on. Here's hoping that Jason and/or his parents read some of these posts. This isn't about being 'right' or 'normal', it's about being real. The truth you've identified rings the loudest and clearest. I'd bet that Jason would acknowledge this concept in a heartbeat. Kudo's to you for the best insight I've seen on this blog in awhile.

mominreston
mominreston

Love your show. You're so funny and real. I am in your corner about the grandparent visitation issue. I've been there. My in laws wanted to see their first grandson all the time. When he was first born, they would call every day and stop by unannounced. We saw them for every holiday, birthdays, anniversaries, summer getaways and any other in-between-weekends. They live 15 minutes away...and never mind that when I went back to work they took care of him 2 days a week. I am estranged from my mom, my brothers and sisters are all scattered about so it was different from my side of the family. When we moved out of state - my in laws would come to visit every 4-6 weeks (we still come back for the holidays). Your relationship is so strong and you're strong-you'll figure it out. Just don't think you're wrong to feel the way you do.

DIGNIFIEDaddict;)
DIGNIFIEDaddict;)

Profoundly stated. Fascinating, and probably accurate take on the Hoppys. I never looked at them quite that way.Thank you for your insight.