All About the Bethenny's

Episode 2:'s Associate Editor talks eyebrow threading, small strippers, and falafels.

Hello Bethenny belovers (just testing that out). It's our second episode, and already so much is happening. Hoda is admitting that she doesn't always listen to Today show guests, Nick is getting his eyebrows threaded, Bryn is speaking in full sentences (now she can act in movies besides just The Artist). Let's recap shall we?

Don't Hold the Hoda!
Yes! Ms. Kotb is back, and providing us with even more joyous delights. I am love, loving these two's friendship. I'm not saying we should throw Kathie Lee over or anything, but I could watch these ladies interact all day. Maybe there's a buddy comedy in their future. B and Hoda Eat, Pray, Love their way across Spain, or Thelma and Louise minus the murderous end. Someone draft up a script, and I'll do whatever I can to help. This is going to be my Moneyball. Whatever it takes.

Hoda is basically beaming with love, and therefore is feeling super honest. Honest enough to admit that sometimes while she's pulling those pre-cooked pans out of the oven that she's not paying attention at all. She's just tuned-out waiting to "chug-a-lug" with Bethenny at lunch. And not only has she gotten up and hosted a show, she's also most likely already had sex (She doesn't want to do it after she eats a meal. Even if it's a light sensual meal like oysters? Is this like swimming where you need to wait 30 minutes?). Oh Hoda, you're my hero.

The Rain in Spain
After discussing only children's happiness level and the new working hours at SkinnyGirl HQ, Jason comes in to eat pizza with Teri and B and discuss an upcoming trip to Spain. Apparently Jason has already been to Spain on a boys' jaunt to Barcelona. B has hundreds of questions about this, specifically if it was a little on the gay side. I'm not sure what sort of gents tour she imagines he went on. Was it like the tomato festival, with Jason and a bunch of shirtless men throwing tomatoes at each other? Were the all sharing clothes from the same backpack and bonding in hostels? It was only like two years ago, so that does seem unlikely.

I know I've already made one Eat, Pray, Love reference, but now let's imagine another remake of that movie, this time starring Jason (and B waiting for him at the Villa in Spain, for some plot reason to be determined). I will also herald the cause of getting this produced.

Before the fam heads to Spain though, B is heading out on a girls' weekend. Thankfully, she doesn't even have to pack, she can just take one of the many bags that are under Julie's desk. Go forth! You've curtailed the hoarding and saved some time.

Falafels to Falafels
Nick and B head out on a straight ball crawl for the blog, which makes me super jealous. I love a good falafel -- and a good makeover!

Yes, besides just hummus and soda burps, B and Nick also eek in a little time for eyebrow threading. Nick has the take charge attitude to woo ladies (did anyone else notice him "What up?" the staff at that one restaurant. So forceful and street.), but not the fuzz-free face B thinks he needs.

So like all good multi-taskers, the pair decides to eat fried chickpeas and hve their faces groomed at the same time. Is there something slightly disgusting about eating food while having someone remove your friends hair with a thread? Maybe? Does it matter if the falafels are delicious? Thought so.

Busting My Ovaries
Bethenny's at the beach about 10 minutes before Cookie tries to eat someone's face, which is probably a record (because it actually took longer than I expected). But while one child is running rampant, the other Is being stupendously adorable. Bryn is putting hats on her head, talking in sentences and being the cutest. Since B is stuck at the kids' table it's good that Bryn is working on her conversation skills and speaking in full sentences. She's the baby! Just like the dinosaur baby from Dinosaurs.

Besides just eating and watching Bryn be precious, the gals are also boating -- not to much success. I've paddle boated, and I don't want to say that these women had a faulty paddle boat or one too many margaritas -- because it looks like maybe they were just terrible at it. No more seafaring for this crew.

After surviving their three-hour tour the gals head to The Sloppy Tuna. In the cannon of Bravo beach bar names, this might be the greatest. It just tees up so many terrible puns and conversations that it might top Fat Turtle (of "Turtle Time" fame). And as if the Sloppy Tuna imagery wasn't enough, there was also some sort of small entertainer who maybe thought Bethenny was Danielle (Who was Danille?!? It will haunt me). And then he figured it out, she's not Danielle -- she's Ben Franklin! Obvs! Not only did she invent the Skinnygirl margarita, she also invented electricity.

But it wasn't all sloppy tunas and boat rides, B also got serious discussing her step-father and if she should reconnect with him. It'll be interesting to see if she does open her circle up after all.

And that's it. I'm crying exactly like that small child who didn't want to leave Montauk. But we'll be back next week. Until then, leave your ideas for other slightly perverse, nautical bar names in the comments.The Crab Hole?

You May Also Like...

Recommended by Zergnet

Blow-Up's Editor recaps the hair dryer-filled Season 3 finale.

Hello Bethenny fans! And now we've come to the end. Season 3 has drawn to a close but not before a few additional pitchers of margaritas were imbibed and tears were shed. Let's recap shall we.

The Designated Drinker
We open with the gang at Tortilla Flats, celebrating the holidays with copious Skinnygirls. Even Dwayne has been given the night off so that he may quench his gullet with tequila -- and thank god for that. I loved him before, and I was sure I was going to love him even more drunk. And I was right! Plus it was his idea to invite Nick -- which is always the right thing to do.

And the gang needed all the drinks and entertainment they could get because it was Julie's last shindig. More drinks. More shots. More celebrations all around. Drink until you forget what a strange crew you've surrounded yourself with.

Stop the Gossip
Next B jaunts to what will be Julie's last photoshoot. Bethenny looking slightly less than her best is having a hard time focusing. She's feeling teary through makeup but hanging in there, until Julie starts showing her photos, and that's when all is lost. . .

She begins to sob uncontrollably, to the point that she must dry her eyes with a hair dryer. . .It works. . .

Talk That Talk
After a harrowing morning of nipple control (someone call HR) and VIP Christmas cards, Bethenny sneaks away for a top secret phone call. Jason, ever the spy, attempts to intercept, and so Bethenny finally decides to reveal the news: they got the talk show! She'll be spending the summer in L.A. making it happen. She tells the team and begins the process of plotting how the six-week run will work. Everyone seems ready to make it work so cheers to even more changes!

And then it's officially goodbye JuJu (how cute!) time. As Byrn, says "Happy Birthday" the gang tries to hold it together through the tears. Julie is going to have a lovely new life in Pittsburgh. Congrats and good luck lady!

The Big Reveal
And then it's go time. After packing up the final elements (including Bethenny's sex toy box), the Hoppys prepare to start fresh.

And the place is uh-mazing! It's very Bethenny -- lots of white with accents of red (and Skinnygirl). And the bar! The Bar is exactly like Bethenny imagined it -- with a slide out bar that lets you have fancy parties with help. It has everything: an insane office, a man den, a room for Bryn, a palatial Elle Decor-feeling kitchen and a sick, sick bathroom. Oh right, and the closet! Bethenny's insane closet is all she could have dreamed. As Mariette clarifies it's a dressing room! And it all came together without anyone killing each other. Did you ever think it would happen?

But no sooner than the final baubles are hung in the dressing room, than Bethenny gets a call that the talk show is happening sooner than she thought. They have but a mere month in the apartment before it's time to be in Los Angeles. And before that can even be processed, Bryn knocks over a vase -- sending Bethenny to the blow dryer and shattering what pristine normalcy there once was. Typical.

And that's it! Thanks for reading this season. Until we meet again B fans!

You May Also Like...

Recommended by Zergnet