Land, Ho!

Episode 5:'s Associate Editor recaps Bethenny and Jason's stormy sea trip.

Welcome back Bethenny babies. When last we left you, Jason was trudging away from the helipad, wandering into the distance. Let's see if this whole thing took off, shall we?

Actually wait. Before we address anything else I have to talk about something important. . .

What sort of aviation/helicopter port has poodles just roaming freely? That giant muppet-like standard poodle was just ambling around, listening to Jason and Bethenny hash everything out. It was incredible. Is this standard procedure? Didn't some model nearly die wandering around helicopters? Someone put the poodle in a pen, for the love of G-d. Such a majestic creature deserves to be kept safe. And if that canine was trotting around being nosy, that's even worse.

OK, moving forward, as Bethenny would say. . .

We Have Lift Off
After some caterwauling, Jason boards the helicopter. Bethenny's feeling like she's the relationship bad guy, and hoping there has to be some resolution on the trip. The couple finally makes it to the boat, the beautifully named, Maria Cristina, and greets Dr. Amador.

The first twist is that there is another couple on board. As if this wasn't going to be awkward enough, someone else is also aboard working out their issues. However, they aren't just adding bad vibes. Chad and Luz are adorable and master sailors, so that's helpful. They might be master sailors who despise each other, but they are pros at sea. Take whatever help you can get, right?

Besides just giving the couple's crew a workout in ropes and what not, Dr. Amador manages to insert his subtle wisdom throughout the day, and tries to get Jason to not push Bethenny's buttons so much. So far the "couples' exercises" seem at minimum and the whole day is smooth (ish) sailing.

The Stormy Sea
Unfortunately, those calm waters don't last for long, and Jason gets a little seasick. Poor, poor traveler. There was no amount of brown rice or green beans or chips that were going to settle the stormy sea inside of him.

Worst of all, in the middle of this Dr. Amador double dips into the chips! That is a major offense. If there were a boat cruise for people who double dip, I would sign him up. Not cool, Doc. You need to work out your chip-issues.

Dr. Amador stops tainting the chip pile long enough to descend to the hull and work with Jason and Bethenny in bed. It seems like good progress, and it’s great to hear B and J working through some things.

And then the group gets lost at sea. . . .The GPS is broken and the gang is doing their best to avoid the shallower water. This is the final straw in the Bethenny and Jason should not get on boats. Never again guys! You could turn a gentle canoe trip into the Titanic. Dr. Amador admits that he calmly s—t his pants, which is my favorite kind of feeling of pants s—ting. The gang just continues to falter at sea, racking up the hours on the boat.

And then Bethenny and Dr. Amador break new ground in their relationship. He walks in on her in the bathroom. Bethenny surmised it best, "When my shrink walks in on my on the toilet, it's taken another turn." It's a lot of rattling doors, lack of sleep, and such. At least for B and Jason. Chad and Luz sleep like champs, until their rescue. . .It reminds me of that inspirational phrase, "Life is what happens when you're trapped on boats."

Land, Ho!
Once the gang is back on solid ground, it seems like the relationship is as well.

Over lunch, Bethenny and Jason discuss their trip. Bethenny compares it to Mardi Gras, which is a pretty fitting comparison. As someone who has been to Mardi Gras, the after feeling is one of total mental and physical exhaustion. It's like someone has drained your very life blood and replaced it with watery hurricanes.

But even in that incapacitated state, Jason sees things clearly, and tells Bethenny that he is going to try and have more patient with her. It seems like incredible progress, even if the two still bicker a bit about the proper procedure for Number 2s on the boat.

Next week, Bethenny deals with land troubles -- like groomed dogs, mouth guards, and kickboxing. I imagine she'd take that kind of drama over getting lost at sea any day.

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Blow-Up's Editor recaps the hair dryer-filled Season 3 finale.

Hello Bethenny fans! And now we've come to the end. Season 3 has drawn to a close but not before a few additional pitchers of margaritas were imbibed and tears were shed. Let's recap shall we.

The Designated Drinker
We open with the gang at Tortilla Flats, celebrating the holidays with copious Skinnygirls. Even Dwayne has been given the night off so that he may quench his gullet with tequila -- and thank god for that. I loved him before, and I was sure I was going to love him even more drunk. And I was right! Plus it was his idea to invite Nick -- which is always the right thing to do.

And the gang needed all the drinks and entertainment they could get because it was Julie's last shindig. More drinks. More shots. More celebrations all around. Drink until you forget what a strange crew you've surrounded yourself with.

Stop the Gossip
Next B jaunts to what will be Julie's last photoshoot. Bethenny looking slightly less than her best is having a hard time focusing. She's feeling teary through makeup but hanging in there, until Julie starts showing her photos, and that's when all is lost. . .

She begins to sob uncontrollably, to the point that she must dry her eyes with a hair dryer. . .It works. . .

Talk That Talk
After a harrowing morning of nipple control (someone call HR) and VIP Christmas cards, Bethenny sneaks away for a top secret phone call. Jason, ever the spy, attempts to intercept, and so Bethenny finally decides to reveal the news: they got the talk show! She'll be spending the summer in L.A. making it happen. She tells the team and begins the process of plotting how the six-week run will work. Everyone seems ready to make it work so cheers to even more changes!

And then it's officially goodbye JuJu (how cute!) time. As Byrn, says "Happy Birthday" the gang tries to hold it together through the tears. Julie is going to have a lovely new life in Pittsburgh. Congrats and good luck lady!

The Big Reveal
And then it's go time. After packing up the final elements (including Bethenny's sex toy box), the Hoppys prepare to start fresh.

And the place is uh-mazing! It's very Bethenny -- lots of white with accents of red (and Skinnygirl). And the bar! The Bar is exactly like Bethenny imagined it -- with a slide out bar that lets you have fancy parties with help. It has everything: an insane office, a man den, a room for Bryn, a palatial Elle Decor-feeling kitchen and a sick, sick bathroom. Oh right, and the closet! Bethenny's insane closet is all she could have dreamed. As Mariette clarifies it's a dressing room! And it all came together without anyone killing each other. Did you ever think it would happen?

But no sooner than the final baubles are hung in the dressing room, than Bethenny gets a call that the talk show is happening sooner than she thought. They have but a mere month in the apartment before it's time to be in Los Angeles. And before that can even be processed, Bryn knocks over a vase -- sending Bethenny to the blow dryer and shattering what pristine normalcy there once was. Typical.

And that's it! Thanks for reading this season. Until we meet again B fans!

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