The Balloony Bin

Episode 12: Bravotv.com's Editor discusses the ratio of ladies to men at Lucky Cheng's and Nick's new figure.

Hello Bethenny fans. Like Bethenny did for Nick, I'm here to help you find the "namaste" in this episode. Let's recap our time in a Maggie-less world shall we?

Adios Maggie
As Bethenny so accurately predicted last week, Maggie decided to quit Team Skinnygirl. It's a strange turn of events (since most people don't quit jobs that take them to Mexico),  but even B mentions that this crazy place isn't for everyone. Julie feels bad that Maggie couldn't hang, but you never really know until someone is in the brunt of their job. God bless you Maggie, wherever you are. I hope your new job is filled with considerably more stability and nothing that irritates your eyes -- if that's what you were after!

This does put the team down another head before Julie leaves, meaning now more than ever it's time for Jason to decide if he wants to be a part of the business.

Jason's frustrated about this working together process, partly because sometimes even though he's handling things he needs Bethenny to throw her muscle around. And it results in another bust up, as they debate if Jason's doing enough. Then at a team meeting, they continue to wrestle over who exactly is in charge of the apartment project. But the bigger issue is who will step in when Julie leaves, as beyond the apartment project there are a lot of other balls to juggle. Jason doesn't want to work "for" Bethenny, and that seems to be the final hold up in the process. . .

Dr. Amador simplifies things by saying that him joining the business isn't complicated -- it's his feelings about the situation that are complicated. Dr. A thinks that Bethenny genuinely appreciates Jason and needs him to be a part of the business, so we'll see what works out.

Losing Her Marble
In the continuing quest of getting the apartment in order, Bethenny and Jason head to a tile place to find the right pieces for the bathroom. Bethenny is concerned that the bathroom might feel a little too --- marble, marble, marble (which immediately brings to mind one of my favorite Saturday Night Live clip about marble columns). As usual, Bethenny gets right into the trenches with the tile guy.

Croatians love vodka and tile, as she finds out, which is useful knowledge if you’re ever trying to convince a Croatian person to bend to your will. How much does this particular Croatian love vodka? Enough that he has a bar in his store. Yup, a nice light up bar (much like the one that Bethenny would like in her apartment). You can't fault Bethenny for thinking that this guy might be her soul mate. He even had candy jars, full of (not crappy cheap candy) Rice Krispie treats and Nutrigrain bars. He can do whatever he wants with the apartment. Just pour B another martini and let the slot machines make the decisions the machines.

After taking another tour of the apartment and having people further solidify that she's on the OCD spectrum ("I want to be just shy of severe medication with the organization of my life."), Bethenny ponders if she should keep her current vanity. I adored Brooke's rationale for why she disagreed (which really just mean she hates it): "I think this room's quiet, and I think that’s loud." Agreed Brooke, I hate when my furniture raises its voice in a quiet space. Calm down furniture! Slow your roll!

Just Breathe
And then Bethenny takes Nick to yoga. . .

I can't really hate on Nick's awkwardness, because yoga's hard. I certainly would not have wanted my first time trying to understand the complicated world of cat like stretches broadcast on national television. Particularly because, yes, as Nick learned, the remembering to breath is really hard to do. His face conveyed the lack of relaxation he was having during the exercise. As Bethenny mentioned, the result is a style of yoga we're not particularly used to – something between Bikram and Saw.

Nick however must learn to shake that Saw face off, because as Bethenny explains, going to yoga is like"going to a frozen yogurt store," in terms of the men-to-women ratio. I personally was unaware yogurt shops were such pick up joints (this explains the number of women sitting demurely waiting for someone to pay for the sprinkles on their froyo). I love Nick's rational that maybe you don't want to hit on someone in their post-fitness glow ("Aren't you like vulnerable, you're in your like peaceful place or whatever?"). I kind of agree with him. If I have just worked out all I want is a glass of water and a clear path to the shower, not any sort of a pick-up line.

What a Drag
Of course Bethenny and Jake decide to take their evening out at famed drag/Chinese restaurant Lucky Cheng's. I have been to this establishment, and I must say my reaction was very similar to B's ("We have walked into the Star Wars bar."). Jake, on the other hand, is less than shocked. He's busy knowing all the drag queens previous employments by heart.

But here's a twist: there are some ladies among the waitstaff, so obviously the evening quickly turns to a plan to ferret out the real women in the bunch.

Also did you know that bad people smell like tuna? That seems like an easy way to weed out the terrible people in your life for me.

Also: Jake, if you love the balloon man, so be it. Love comes in all shapes and helium-filled forms.

Devil's in the Details
After all that caterwauling, Jason and Bethenny decide to stay in the apartment. Jason's kind of killing it with the project managing, going to prove (once again) that he'd be great working on Team Skinnygirl.

However, all those projects he's managing aren't cheap. Installing ridiculously solid sheets of marable aren't exactly a gratis project. Someone has to be paid to give the tile the love and attention it needs at all times. The bathroom is going to be the Taj Mahal, and cost about as much so so be it. Painting the apartment is going to cost a fortune, however, who cares. As Stephen said, "tell me if you feel special." And how could Bethenny not feel special in that apartment.

Next week the gang leaves the apartment for Aspen -- and finds that the young men are loving what Bethenny's selling. Until then, leave your thoughts on Bethenny and Jason working together in the comments.

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Blow-Up

Bravotv.com's Editor recaps the hair dryer-filled Season 3 finale.

Hello Bethenny fans! And now we've come to the end. Season 3 has drawn to a close but not before a few additional pitchers of margaritas were imbibed and tears were shed. Let's recap shall we.

The Designated Drinker
We open with the gang at Tortilla Flats, celebrating the holidays with copious Skinnygirls. Even Dwayne has been given the night off so that he may quench his gullet with tequila -- and thank god for that. I loved him before, and I was sure I was going to love him even more drunk. And I was right! Plus it was his idea to invite Nick -- which is always the right thing to do.

And the gang needed all the drinks and entertainment they could get because it was Julie's last shindig. More drinks. More shots. More celebrations all around. Drink until you forget what a strange crew you've surrounded yourself with.

Stop the Gossip
Next B jaunts to what will be Julie's last photoshoot. Bethenny looking slightly less than her best is having a hard time focusing. She's feeling teary through makeup but hanging in there, until Julie starts showing her photos, and that's when all is lost. . .

She begins to sob uncontrollably, to the point that she must dry her eyes with a hair dryer. . .It works. . .

Talk That Talk
After a harrowing morning of nipple control (someone call HR) and VIP Christmas cards, Bethenny sneaks away for a top secret phone call. Jason, ever the spy, attempts to intercept, and so Bethenny finally decides to reveal the news: they got the talk show! She'll be spending the summer in L.A. making it happen. She tells the team and begins the process of plotting how the six-week run will work. Everyone seems ready to make it work so cheers to even more changes!

And then it's officially goodbye JuJu (how cute!) time. As Byrn, says "Happy Birthday" the gang tries to hold it together through the tears. Julie is going to have a lovely new life in Pittsburgh. Congrats and good luck lady!

The Big Reveal
And then it's go time. After packing up the final elements (including Bethenny's sex toy box), the Hoppys prepare to start fresh.

And the place is uh-mazing! It's very Bethenny -- lots of white with accents of red (and Skinnygirl). And the bar! The Bar is exactly like Bethenny imagined it -- with a slide out bar that lets you have fancy parties with help. It has everything: an insane office, a man den, a room for Bryn, a palatial Elle Decor-feeling kitchen and a sick, sick bathroom. Oh right, and the closet! Bethenny's insane closet is all she could have dreamed. As Mariette clarifies it's a dressing room! And it all came together without anyone killing each other. Did you ever think it would happen?

But no sooner than the final baubles are hung in the dressing room, than Bethenny gets a call that the talk show is happening sooner than she thought. They have but a mere month in the apartment before it's time to be in Los Angeles. And before that can even be processed, Bryn knocks over a vase -- sending Bethenny to the blow dryer and shattering what pristine normalcy there once was. Typical.

And that's it! Thanks for reading this season. Until we meet again B fans!

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