The Spy Who Skated With Me

Episode 6: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor discuses Bethenny's many classes and clashes this week.

Hello Bethenny fans! We're back on dry land this week and there was lots happening, including what I know we’ve all been waiting for -- more Dwayne!

Yes, Dwayne was back in action being hilarious, making up words, and not knowing the exact number of kids he has. But let's start at the very beginning, shall we?

Cookie: Secret Agent Dog
After a lovely dinner with the Skinnygirl team (at which they decided just how fabulous they all are), Bethenny and Julie are hard at work when Cookie's dog-walker Paulo drops by. Paulo explains that Cookie is actually incredibly well behaved at the dog park. Bethenny, having known Cookie for years, does not buy this for a second, and so a couple of blonde wigs and strategically drawn scarves later, she and Julie are at the park surveying the scene.

I will say I expected Cookie to be doing something far more salacious. I pictured her running some sort of doggie gambling ring, or smoking cigarettes with the other dogs, or I don’t know something. But she actually was behaving, which might be the most surprising thing of all.

TMJ leads to TMI
Post-boat cruise, Bethenny and Jason are feeling the love -- so much so that Jason's air humps and Bethenny's dental hygiene regime aren't going to hold them back from getting busy, or at least from talking about it for a while. This entire scene was really precious, and a great reminder that these two kids really love each other. Also a great reminder that good dental hygiene is important. I should have never thrown out my retainer y'all.

Closet Case
Of all the things that Bethenny shares with us, her openness with her OCD always amazes me. If I was using that many freezer bags outside of packing lunch or leftovers, I might keep it to myself. Also Bethenny has 50 swimsuits! 50! Think about that for a second, particularly that she doesn't live in a place where she goes to the beach every day (Yes, she hits the Hamptons but even then that's just in the summer). Needless to say, her time with the closet lady was an eye-opening experience, particularly because we got to see that Jason is like every man in America -- a change-hoarding person with taste worse than you even imagined.

An Ode to Mariette
I just want to take a second to say how much I adore Bethenny's designer Mariette. The women just seems a cool, steely force of awesomeness. Navigating through Bethenny's manic attitude while casually dropping hints like an abiding love of all cocktails. How can you not want more of that? Let's get her and the Venfield guys together for drinks soon. I can see Mariette telling incredible tales of her youth with a martini in one hand and one of those hairless pooches in another.

An Ode to Dwayne
Obviously there’s a lot to love in this episode, and Dwayne, par usual, deserves copious praise. Not only did he help to rally the Skinnygirl gang at self defense class, while his pants where unzipped strangely, he invented a new word -- laxidated.

Laxidated to Dwayne basically means walking with a purpose. Does it sound like something else? Sure but, we'll give Dwayne a pass. Add it to your vernacular if you so choose.

And then the gang takes a CPR class, and Dwayne perhaps losses track of just how many tots he’d need to resuscitate in an emergency. Four or five? Who counts passed four anyway? The only reason to keep track at that point is if you are the Duggars and need to have the number in the title of your reality show.

Mama Drama
After all that fun, this episode did have its share of drama. Bethenny had to deal with the backlash of an article who’s source was her none other than her own mother.

Seeing Bethenny in scenes like this reminds you of truly how much struggle she’s muddled through. She's really risen above those solo days at the roller rink and her rough childhood and tried her best. God bless you Bethenny. You constantly remind me of how tough you are.

It's a Man Cave World
Once the team meets up with the design team, it's time to really decide what will become of Jason's man cave. The closet will suck without annexing the man cave, and so the group takes it to a vote. Everyone's team closet, except the closet lady!

Yes, the organizational expert actually sides with Jason in this fight, and wants him to have his space. Has she been paid off? Possibly? Did it work? Nope. The couple still compromises and decides to make the living room a real living room. Wave goodbye to your man cave Jason. Perhaps the next apartment will have a spot for you.

And then before the gang gets to the real construction, B uses the apartment for what all that space was clearly intended for -- roller skating. As B teaches Veronica to skate and regales us with tales from her disco days, it's easy to see that this apartment is going to be filled with wonderful memories, man cave or not?

What did you think B fans? Did you enjoy the more light-hearted moments of this week's episode? Do you think Dwayne has four or five kids? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

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Blow-Up

Bravotv.com's Editor recaps the hair dryer-filled Season 3 finale.

Hello Bethenny fans! And now we've come to the end. Season 3 has drawn to a close but not before a few additional pitchers of margaritas were imbibed and tears were shed. Let's recap shall we.

The Designated Drinker
We open with the gang at Tortilla Flats, celebrating the holidays with copious Skinnygirls. Even Dwayne has been given the night off so that he may quench his gullet with tequila -- and thank god for that. I loved him before, and I was sure I was going to love him even more drunk. And I was right! Plus it was his idea to invite Nick -- which is always the right thing to do.

And the gang needed all the drinks and entertainment they could get because it was Julie's last shindig. More drinks. More shots. More celebrations all around. Drink until you forget what a strange crew you've surrounded yourself with.

Stop the Gossip
Next B jaunts to what will be Julie's last photoshoot. Bethenny looking slightly less than her best is having a hard time focusing. She's feeling teary through makeup but hanging in there, until Julie starts showing her photos, and that's when all is lost. . .

She begins to sob uncontrollably, to the point that she must dry her eyes with a hair dryer. . .It works. . .

Talk That Talk
After a harrowing morning of nipple control (someone call HR) and VIP Christmas cards, Bethenny sneaks away for a top secret phone call. Jason, ever the spy, attempts to intercept, and so Bethenny finally decides to reveal the news: they got the talk show! She'll be spending the summer in L.A. making it happen. She tells the team and begins the process of plotting how the six-week run will work. Everyone seems ready to make it work so cheers to even more changes!

And then it's officially goodbye JuJu (how cute!) time. As Byrn, says "Happy Birthday" the gang tries to hold it together through the tears. Julie is going to have a lovely new life in Pittsburgh. Congrats and good luck lady!

The Big Reveal
And then it's go time. After packing up the final elements (including Bethenny's sex toy box), the Hoppys prepare to start fresh.

And the place is uh-mazing! It's very Bethenny -- lots of white with accents of red (and Skinnygirl). And the bar! The Bar is exactly like Bethenny imagined it -- with a slide out bar that lets you have fancy parties with help. It has everything: an insane office, a man den, a room for Bryn, a palatial Elle Decor-feeling kitchen and a sick, sick bathroom. Oh right, and the closet! Bethenny's insane closet is all she could have dreamed. As Mariette clarifies it's a dressing room! And it all came together without anyone killing each other. Did you ever think it would happen?

But no sooner than the final baubles are hung in the dressing room, than Bethenny gets a call that the talk show is happening sooner than she thought. They have but a mere month in the apartment before it's time to be in Los Angeles. And before that can even be processed, Bryn knocks over a vase -- sending Bethenny to the blow dryer and shattering what pristine normalcy there once was. Typical.

And that's it! Thanks for reading this season. Until we meet again B fans!

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