June 13, 2006
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So much stuff I could write about, but really is there anything more fascinating than…
MICHAEL
The funniest thing about Michael, my eBay houseguest, was that he was totally the opposite of what I expected. Actually, that’s the only funny thing about the whole weekend. The rest of it was just plain sad. I mean, come on – When I heard somebody paid $5 Grand to spend the weekend with me, I pictured this super-fabulous gay guy in his mid-30s, with lots of disposable income, who’d come to the house, maybe redecorate a little, and we’d have this totally wacky weekend where we’d laugh a lot, make fun of celebrities, and do each other’s hair.
Instead, I got Michael. Who, by the way, I firmly believe lives in his parents’ basement.
When I first met Michael, I wasn’t even sure he was out of the closet. That is, until later that night, when he started describing a man he’s had sex with who has a very graphic scar on his penis. When a guy does that, you know he’s out. And if not, whoops…
Michael could not have been more unfazed by Hollywood and me in general. And the worst part was that the more unimpressed he was with me, the harder I tried to win him over. Sometimes when I do stand-up and I’m totally bombing, and I should just get offstage, I’ll just keep going and going, hoping that eventually the audience will laugh, even though staying on stage usually just makes them hate me more -- but I can’t stop, because I have a problem and I need people to love me. My weekend with Michael was kinda like that. Except I really don’t care if Michael loves me or not. (Okay fine, I care a little – I said I have a problem, for Christ’s sake…)
NOT ONE OF THE GIFTED ONES…
Michael was just so… what’s the word I’m looking for here… Oh yeah -- rude. Really, really, really rude. He never showed any appreciation for all the stuff we were doing for him. Like with the damn gift bag. I have seen people get in fistfights over a gift bag. Hell, I’ve gotten in fistfights over a gift bag. But when I tried to give Michael my gift bag from the Costume Designer’s Ball, he acted like I was handing him a bag of Pom-Pom’s poop. (Which by the way would probably fetch a pretty penny on eBay.) And bad enough that he didn’t want the stuff inside the gift bag – he didn’t even want the bag! And it was a frickin’ Lacoste! My parents were practically begging him to take it. They were all, “Take it. Take it. Give it to your Mom…” But he still wouldn’t take it. Because apparently the only thing Michael hates more than gift bags is his Mom.
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Comments
Bryson wrote:
Yeah, I saw that. What a douche.
Mikey (who I will assume only responds to "Michael") was totally obnoxious; it's such a shame that the fun weeked was wasted on somebody who couldn't appreciate anything but Double Whoppers and Geri Halliwell, who wasn't good at anything even when she was famous.
posted on September 29, 2006 at 3:27 PM
Tiler Cameron wrote:
Hey Kathy, be kind to us lesbians. You make it sound like we all fix cars and get into sports. OK, I like fixing cars, but we're deep also babe. To thine own self be true and all that. Think well of us because we love you also. :)
posted on October 1, 2006 at 7:34 PM
Karma wrote:
Micheal was THE most unappreciative jerk I have ever seen .... not one ounce of enthusiasum out of this weenie .... if I would've had 5 grand to get that weekend you would not have been able to control my excitment .... I love Kathy to death and to spend a weekend with her ...WOW !!!!!! I do have a left arm I could give.. but no money .....
posted on October 3, 2006 at 2:01 PM
jaime wrote:
I WOULD HAVE BEEN SO EXCITED TO BE AT KATHY'S HOUSE SHE WOULD BE LIKE GIRL STOP RUNNING UP AND DOWN MY STAIRS, BUT I WOULD HAVE BEEN SO APPRECIATIVE. AND TRULY ENJOYED HER COMPANY...
posted on October 3, 2006 at 6:47 PM
Keri wrote:
I was stunned when I saw this episode and how Michael was just so oblivious to A) how lucky he is to have 5 grand to bid on an auction and B) how rude and underwhelmed he seemed on camera. Anyone who thinks Whoppers from BK is more decent than something a trained Chef cooked is insane...good food does not equal grease! Honestly, I agree with jaime and Karma, I'd have been bouncing off the walls, I'd love the oppourtunity to go to lunch with Kathy, let alone spend the weekend and go to a red carpet event! Unfortunately I missed her while she was in Seattle last, So I hope she comes back to the Northwest soon!!
posted on November 2, 2006 at 4:36 PM
Kelly Jordan wrote:
Kathy;
You haven't posted in a while but this had to be said, if I wasn't 17 and poor, I'd pay anything to send you my gay! My BFF John almost died when he found out there was an auction he had missed to see you, then got REAL mad when he watched the episode.
But, I have to agree with Tiler, please a tad more nicer to lesbians.
Much love;
Kelly
posted on November 11, 2006 at 11:36 PM
Major K. Kerr wrote:
I could'nt believe his actions on the show. He was so dull!!! Kathy I have always admired your work, and thought you to be so hilarious. Especially when you made fun of Gweneth Paltrow. If I had the money I would have acutally bet $50,000 to come meet you. Plus as soon as I would've seen you I imagine you would've said "Ah look it's one of my gays!". Maybe one day I will get to see ya...then again maybe not. I could always just buy more of you DVD's. By the way I watch Allegedly all the time ;-)
posted on December 7, 2006 at 2:40 PM
jonathan wrote:
douche, that first comment took the word right out of my brain. When i saw that episode i was more than dissappointed, why spend 5 Gs to mope around your house, ON TELEVISION, and come off like a total loser? i repeat, the guy was a douche. i wondered if his check actually cleared? You should have somehow prescreened the winner, a lower bidder with a brain, some taste, common courtesy...etc infinity would have been much better. Why didnt he just BUY an Ipod, they are definately less than $5000, then he can stay in his moms basement and listen to Spice Girls all day. Sorry, just was dissappointed that the episode with such huge potential was wasted on a loser. You know the South Park episode with "biggest douche in the universe"? he would have beaten that talking to the dead guy[ cant remember his name] hands down. love your show, and your humor, the guys at Ft Hood love you too.
posted on December 26, 2006 at 12:12 PM
Waltponce wrote:
Kathy,
I seriously hope you get this. I have been away for a while doing some work with youth and all that fun stuff (Not only because like WHITNEY, I believe the children are our future, but also because I believe that they should be exposed to differences by a certain agae) I had no idea you were even auctioning a weekend off. My friend TiVo's your show for me and I finally watched it...a season too late.
One summer at a camp I make $2,500. I would be willing to donate an entire summers salary to a charity of your choice for an entire weekend with you. I would be starstruck...and I'm from L.A., I shit you not!!!
Let's weigh the pros and cons, shall we?
Pros:
I know who Angie Harmon is!
I LOVE dressing up and pretending I fit in with people I don't!
I am outrageously funny and will, like you, say anything for a laugh.
I would not back out of a red carpet poparazzi photo op because I feel awkward...I would OWN IT!
Finally...let's face it...if you've read this far you know you're interested...seriously. You're my goddess.
Cons:
Ummm...yeah...at a loss here. We would both laugh ALOT! That is a f***ing gaurantee at this point. If I don't make you laugh I will donate two summers' salaries to a charity of your choice...not just one!
And finally...let's face it...you need to make it up to gays worldwide and show what a fag-hag you can truly be to a poor gay guy who would KILL for a LaCoste bag! Let alone a bottle of Vodka (I would have smuggled that shit on the plane, unlike Michael who was all like, "Ew, I don't know if I can even travel with that'"! What an F***ing cocksucker...and I don't mean cocksucker in the positive way.
Seiously, consider it, girl! You know you want it as bad as I do...(oooh, that sounded totally kinky!)
Wally
P.S. I promise at least one late night dishing on Matt and Celine and Barbara...and of course...Gwyneth!
posted on February 13, 2007 at 3:12 AM
Judy Palmer wrote:
Kathy,
I'm a huge fan!!! Love your show and cant wait for the new season.
What in the world was wrong with that kid??? I would have been on cloud 9 if I were him!!! Not only to have spent the weekend with you, but to have gone out with you and met all those other stars!!! I don't think he even has a since of humor. I would have taken the gift bag. But I would have left ya the soaps.
You are an A lister in my book!!!
posted on May 11, 2007 at 7:34 PM
Debi Milton wrote:
Hi Kathy,
Iam so happy to see there are new shows coming up....I love your show, I think you are the funniest person I have ever heard......Well the people that commented on your house guest, (e-bay) they are right, he was a strange one....but he made some great material for the show, that was one of the funniest shows I had seen !!!!!!! But my favorite shows are you, with your mother and dad......If you ever want to get away from it all, contact me...I have a lodge in the mountains in Wyoming, you can bring your GAYS and we will all go for a ride on horses..........Keep doing what you do, cause you do it well......Take care, Debi from Wyoming
posted on May 17, 2007 at 11:03 PM
Kim wrote:
Love, Love, Love you ! You are the diva of comedy !! I don't think there is one thing you've ever said that I either didn't (deep belly, head thrown back, mouth wide open) laughed about or pissed myself ! I am new to the boards/this site.... so glad I found it ! I LOVE comedy...and YOU are the best I have ever heard ! You say things that make me cry from laughing so hard, or surprising things you say that make me feel guilty laughing about but I can't help myself & then I end up trying to tell what all you've said, while laughing & tears take over my face... they get so tired of it :) Actually they are tired of me... ain't that a shocker .
I hope to be able to see you in Ky or OH sometime. If I would have known you were going to be in Louisville.....I would have screamed, jumped up & down & gotten there 2 days early, had I known !!! I'm 45 minutes from there ! I could have met you in person !!!! Damn it if I had only been paying attention I could have met you!!! my fault (one of many).
OK the boy that won...... I can't say he was a Douche because that is putting it too lightly... BUT...(no pun intended) I definately think he is DOUCHE JUICE !!!!! Most Kathy fans would never have that much $$ to bid...(not all your fans are poor). I am trying to see you in Akron & want to buy t-shirt or anything from the show!! You ROCK ! I'm straight but I totally want to hang with you & your gays !!! I want gay friends too !
Hope to see your show !!!!
posted on June 4, 2007 at 11:48 PM
Vicki McGee wrote:
My room mate Bobby and I watched this episode and was so disgusted w/Michael that we were screaming at the tv. Bobby and I absolutely love you and want to meet you so bad. For this freak a zoid Michael to stay with you and be such a pain in the a_ _ . Who in the heck wouldn't want a gift bag???? You can always sell it on ebay!
posted on June 5, 2007 at 4:47 PM
Amanda wrote:
Kathy,
I just watched the episode with MIchael (somehow I missed it when it when it was first on... and believe me when I say people from Cleveland are not like that! He totally made Clevelanders look stupid and rude! OH, and by the way GOOOOOO Cavs!!
P.S. See ya on Saturday night for your Akron show!
posted on June 5, 2007 at 6:14 PM
Dominique wrote:
Okay,
So for the single chapter of your comments; because apparantly i am the only straight chick repping for the blog here. I love you and i think that that guy who i refuse to mention by name;was Class A Loser. Yea we all know someone who seems sweet but is an ass the whole time. My question is; how in the world is he a fan when he didnt know anything about celebrities? Dont get me wrong yur pretty damn funny all the time but you and celebrities go hand in hand. They're not mutually exclusive in your case. He blows and he blew it for us all cuz yur jaded about the whole thing. Dont worry i see you gettin off that damn D-List, and you'll get it with no help from MICHAEL....uuughh it hurt to evne say it. LOSER!!
posted on June 5, 2007 at 6:39 PM
BethHohe wrote:
I could'nt believe it when mikey mike the lame actually came back into your house and said he wanted an ipod!!!! WOW. What a DUCSH BAG!!!!
posted on June 5, 2007 at 9:54 PM
Robin wrote:
ok you have a straight guy and two straight women helping you I think you need a lesbian added to you pack..lol and I am that lesbian..coarse you know lesbians are quite handy,I can be your body guard and your gopher..I'm quite handy around the house and I love dogs and cant stand kids..we do have that in common,I have a daughter but she is 30..and done thank god..ha ha .By the way I think your awesome,and I'd like to kick Matts ass what a joke he turned out to be..anyway whats up with the new guy he looks like a deer in the headlights..hey I'm not liza but I think you rock..
posted on June 13, 2007 at 10:37 AM
Nanichan wrote:
Hi Kathy!! Where your gays at? Right here girl!! I mean, how much more gay and happy can I be about my lesbian relationship, than to merge our names together? So, I'm so glad that you have a show on Bravo, AND very excited that you will be in Atlanta Aug. 17!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoooooooooo!! We went right online today to buy front row tickets, but they're not on sale yet. : ( You're playing at The Fox. Guess what? I work at a spa very very close to the theatre, as a massage therapist, and I would love, love to hook you up girl before your show, well earlier in the day, so that way I can get ready before the show. haha. I can get you relaxed, get you a mani and pedi from one of our guy nail techs, (who by the way, is gay). Hey you want a facial, one of our guy estheticians does a great job, (who by the way, is gay). We will take care of you!!! Let me know if you're interested, so we can plan it....
posted on June 14, 2007 at 9:25 PM
Steve wrote:
Absolutely ridiculous and ungrateful.
Why shell out that kind of cash, only to be completely miserable all weekend, with someone so awesome.
Did he KNOW who he was spending the cash to hang out with? And to be treated LIKE a celebrity himself, and be totally unappreciative was a slap in the face to the real fans who would have loved to even have lunch with Kathy, whether it was specially prepared by a chef or not.
And I, dont mind garbonzo beans in my salad either.
posted on June 17, 2007 at 3:20 PM
SARAH wrote:
K.G. you're sexy HOT!
I absolutely love your show...'The D-List'.....and I'm not G to the A to the Y..but my brother is ..if that counts? Ha! Anyway, in all seriousness..OOOOWWWW! I would say..just keep the dirty talk and bad language on a minimum..not all that classy hun..especially if you're trying to win over some men...for publicity..ya know. Trust!
This message will probably go straight to the trash bin, but hey the truth is the truth and K.G. is all naturalle..like my spelling on that...keepin' it on the reels hpmies...j/ k//that's dumb!
Cheers,
S. Nash : )
posted on June 17, 2007 at 5:47 PM
john402 wrote:
oh my god, never in my life have I felt the need to write in to express myself to a tv show!! My compliments to you kathy. I'm a truckdriver who just doesnt do this. anyway I just watched a few episodes of D-List and sort of felt all the emotional ups and downs you were going thru. SO, having said that and attempting to overcome the embarasment I would like to say keep being yourself kuzz thats definetly all A-list
xoxo john
posted on June 19, 2007 at 2:52 PM
Jonathon wrote:
Kathy you are a babe! I think that your are a red headed hottie! "MY WEAKNESS!" Ha! Keep making people laugh! Cheers!
Jon.
posted on June 19, 2007 at 3:50 PM
Jacinda wrote:
HAHA! that was a good episode!!
--because the entire time, you just ask yourself..
"what the hell is wrong with this kid?!?!?!"
"why is he being a d!ck?!"
"It's like he PAID to be a D-bag to Kathy...what an @$$hole."
It seems that the entire thing was a freaking disaster!!
posted on June 21, 2007 at 12:42 AM
Nikki Boo wrote:
Kathy, I'm so excited that you are on tv more now. Re the auction winner----- what a dud. Sad that he was so shallow that he couldn't enjoy you.
You've had a really tough year Kathy & my heart goes out to you. With all you have been through you touched us with your openness & yet still managed to entertain & delight us. Kudos K!
You are adorable, fantastic, funny, brilliant & sexy.
xoxo
nikki
posted on June 21, 2007 at 3:34 AM
David wrote:
I know this is old but, in the great words of Kathy, quoting her mother, "JESUS H. CHRIST HANGIN' ON THE CROSS!" I would have sh*t if I got to just try to sell Kathy girlscout cookies on her drive way let alone stay for the weekend.
posted on June 26, 2007 at 12:01 PM
Rose Marie Wolf wrote:
I saw that episode. I thought he was very rude. I would've been very grateful for the opportunity to spend time with a celebrity...even a D-lister! I don't care!
posted on September 17, 2007 at 1:41 PM