July 11, 2006
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Before I get to the blog, I just have to say one thing…
HOLY CRAP, CAN YOU BELIEVE THE SHOW IS UP FOR AN EMMY?
It’s true -- “My Life on the D-List” is nominated for Best Reality show. I really hope I win. Just so my speech can go like this:
“Well I f**ked my way to the middle and it’s finally paid off…”
Part of me kind of hopes that the day of the awards never comes because I like being a nominee so much. Because for one frozen moment in time, I’m just as good as those bitches on “Grey’s Anatomy.”
And now, I blog…
GOING CORPORATE
I don’t know if anything makes me more nervous than corporate gigs. I do about five corporates a year, and they consistently scare the crap out of me. I’m always scouring the audience, trying to find a gay, and then I attach myself to him or her. Or if that doesn’t work, I try to talk about sports because I know the heterosexual community loves sports. So I’ll try to lean the local team names or find out if there have been any big trades. Doing research about sports is always hard for me, because I firmly believe that all athletes are rapists and wife beaters. I don’t know the exact statistics, but I’m pretty sure 94% of athletes have been arrested for rape or beating their wife. It’s probably the same percentage for corporate employees.
And so I usually bomb, which is awful -- not just for me, but for the gay guy or woman who booked me, because they love me, and they’re always so confused when the rest of their co-workers don’t. And once it becomes clear that the rest of the company doesn’t love me as much as the person who booked me does, the booking person invariably gets that look on their face where, because of me, their job is on the line. Look, I know I’m never gonna be Leno or Seinfeld at these gigs, but if just once, I can just keep the person who booked me from getting fired, I’ll feel like the show was a success.
Even though corporate gigs give me major anxiety, they are one of those things that I am determined to learn how to do better. I refuse to go to my grave being the comic that bombs at corporate gigs. Which is why I’ve decided to learn more about their corporate, heterosexual, middle-aged, white world. I am going to infiltrate them, and live among them to see if I can’t learn how to relate to them better. Like when Julia Roberts went to live in Outer Mongolia with a family in an igloo to learn how to understand their Outer Mongolian igloo ways for that PBS special she did. That’s what I’m going to do. I just hope the corporate guys have nicer igloos than those Outer Mongolians.
CRAZY DOG LADY
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Comments
Carissa Wade wrote:
I must say that I really enjoy your shows. I watch both My life on the D-list and your stand up comedy. If anyone says allegedly, I think of one of the stories you've told. One of my favorites is about Whitney Houston.
Recently, I found out that you are coming to Atlanta, GA. I actually got really excited, not going to lie. I tried to get tickets for one of my girlfriends and me, but to my dismay, all sold out. That made me sad because you aren't scheduled to be anywhere remotely close in the near future. Well, good luck on tour and hope I get the chance to see perform sometime.
posted on September 27, 2006 at 11:12 PM
Carissa Wade wrote:
I must say that I really enjoy your shows. I watch both My life on the D-list and your stand up comedy. If anyone says allegedly, I think of one of the stories you've told. One of my favorites is about Whitney Houston.
Recently, I found out that you are coming to Atlanta, GA. I actually got really excited, not going to lie. I tried to get tickets for one of my girlfriends and me, but to my dismay, all sold out. That made me sad because you aren't scheduled to be anywhere remotely close in the near future. Well, good luck on tour and hope I get the chance to see perform sometime.
posted on September 27, 2006 at 11:34 PM
Connie in Oh wrote:
Kathy,
Speeking of Mongolia. Are you ever going to come to Columbus Ohio. Were not gay but we'd love to see you. I'd pay good money to see you!!!
Connie
posted on October 2, 2006 at 4:44 PM
Linda wrote:
Holy Crap! I hope you win! I love your show and my daughter and I never miss it. We knew someting was wrong with your realtionship when we saw your husband doing your hair and not giving a shit. Not to mention that that was really weird, you don't turn your partner into your personal assistant. Anyways good luck with your show and and don't give up on love!
Linda
posted on October 7, 2006 at 11:17 PM
Jill wrote:
You are HILARIOUS! I love you! I mean, I don't love you like THAT....But, well now it's just awkward. Anyway, I'm a stay at home mommy and I watch your show, and I watch your show, and I watch your show - and God forbid there's a marathon on (and there often is). Thank you for making me laugh until I pee on myself. Normally - not a good thing. But in this case...
Thank you again! You're fabulous!
posted on October 11, 2006 at 3:41 AM
Staci wrote:
Kathy,
I just seen you live on stage in michigan last friday...........you were so funny. I love your show!! You said that Bravo wasn't sure about a 3rd season!! WHAT!! I hope that was just part of the act, because I can't wait for the new season................thank you
p.s-you looked amazing!! whats your secret?
posted on October 23, 2006 at 8:17 AM
caroline Lugo-Vina wrote:
You DESERVE an emmy. My husband was late for work today b/c they aired d-list and black woman back to back. I was in tears- I am from the south- you are dead on!!! My favorite is little richard and hollywood squares. Also- when all that sh*t went down w/ Star Jones I emailed the view, got my friends to email and boycott and NOW that witch is GONE, PTL !!! Praise the Lord
posted on October 25, 2006 at 8:23 AM
Susanne Robb wrote:
HOLY CRAP! I get to see you this coming NOVEMBER 9 in BLOOMINGTON, ILLINOIS. I don't go to concerts or live shows...but YOU, well, you were a no-brainer. Gotta love ya...gotta come see ya. I hit the jack pot when channel surfing and I find one of your shows is playing..or going to play. I do nothing else but sit and watch you, and laugh so hard I cry. Hey, the main reason I'm writing is to say I get to see you in a few days (I can not WAIT!!!) and wondering what we can do to get BRAVO out of their seats and chasing you for a 3rd season? It's insane that they are teetering on this issue. So...what can we do? Who do we write? See you soon, chickie.
posted on October 30, 2006 at 10:21 AM
paulette wrote:
I loved you when you were really on the D list..during the saddest time of my life, when my wonderful wonderful husband died so suddenly, I could count on you to stop my tears...for a short time..wishing you continued success Kathy...Paulette
posted on January 19, 2007 at 6:24 PM
Tara from Fl wrote:
O.K
I just started watching your show like today (being truthful), but I LOVE IT! I've been watching the episodes where you go to the Grammys and Oscars!! Well the reason why I'm commenting is that I think you should tell those designers to shove their ideas up their ASS!
Your gorgeous and you should never think otherwise. Also your very talented and hilarious and if you weren't you would not be where you are today, which is on top of the world!
posted on May 3, 2007 at 4:45 PM
Lori wrote:
I just discovered your show even though I've always loved you! My daughter loves it too! She loves to run around and say "Hello New York, It's what'sherface!" Here's to hoping you win an Emmy! We're rooting for you. You are totally as awesome as those Grey's bitches!
posted on May 16, 2007 at 1:09 PM
gena wrote:
ok I love your show but I have to comment on the comment you made about Lindsey Lohan.. wow you are totally psychic... I can't recall which show it was from but I remember the first time she went into rehab the first words out of my mouth was "F*ck KG was right..." as I am sure many will recall.. anyhooo Love the show and even though I can never seem to get a chance to see you live I will keep trying..
posted on May 30, 2007 at 12:55 PM
MonicaLynn wrote:
Ok, I LOVE you and think how freakin' GREAT would it be to get you into one of those ever vacating seats on "The View!" Oh My God!!! Barbara might actually have a conipition fit right there in front of our faces (reason enough for me!) Seriously, you are intelligent, funny, witty, you know how to start and keep a conversation moving, you ALWAYS know what's going on, your personal experiences in Iraq are amazing...(which, by the way, to my knowledge, NONE of those women from "The View" have bothered to go over there and see our troops.) Seems to me, you have the most intresting "View" of all! So, what can we do to get you on this show??
posted on May 31, 2007 at 7:49 PM
Marguerite wrote:
I had never been totally obsessed with your show until just recently. When that happened I just couldn’t get enough of it. So, I’m not that surprised that your show was nominated for an Emmy, it really deserves it. I love your stand-up comedy and your TV show.
Something else, you should never have been on the worst dressed list, I love everything you wear. The dress you wore on the “red carpet” for the Oscars was beautiful.
If you get a chance to read my comment just remember that people who hate you (I mean that in the nicest way possible) just don’t watch your show or stand-up. The only other possible way for people to hate you is if they are the people you’re bitching at.
Maisie
P.S. I’m your youngest fan – 13 years old
posted on June 5, 2007 at 3:28 PM
Marguerite wrote:
I had never been totally obsessed with your show until just recently. When that happened I just couldn’t get enough of it. So, I’m not that surprised that your show was nominated for an Emmy, it really deserves it. I love your stand-up comedy and your TV show.
Something else, you should never have been on the worst dressed list, I love everything you wear. The dress you wore on the “red carpet” for the Oscars was beautiful.
If you get a chance to read my comment just remember that people who hate you (I mean that in the nicest way possible) just don’t watch your show or stand-up. The only other possible way for people to hate you is if they are the people you’re bitching at.
Maisie
P.S. I’m your youngest fan – 13 years old
posted on June 5, 2007 at 3:29 PM
sara pounds wrote:
i just want to start off by saying, your should have won that Emmy! Just for the fact that you work harder then most and you're not afraid of acting like a idiot for a job. This makes you better then most So called "A listers". Even if you make a mistake, you make fun of it and you make fun of anyone else that seem too full of themselves to know that they are idiots too. So I wanted to let you know that I will always watch you no matter how much crap they talk about you!
Love, your adoring fan Sara
posted on June 5, 2007 at 10:32 PM
angi wrote:
kathy.. your parents are so funny i would love to sit and drink a bottle of wine with them, although they could probably drink me under the table. when you are on the view it appears that you may be a little sensored or that barbara may have remote control shock collar on your leg. how does rosie feel about you on the view? will you be coming to seattle any time soon? and yes holy crap you are nominated FINALLY. seems like you have a great group of gays how do i get some. i want ot come sit with you and the gays and drink some beer.
congratulation
posted on June 6, 2007 at 5:27 PM
TAMARA wrote:
Kathy,
Loved the show. You are my second favorite comedian after Sarah Silverman. Jk sorta. Can I have Jessica's autograph?
Sweetpea
posted on June 8, 2007 at 7:11 PM
Sierra Browning wrote:
Hey, Kathy!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank God for the new season. Hoping for more blog entries.
Later Days,
Sierra
posted on June 11, 2007 at 7:07 PM
Robert wrote:
I love the fact that you swear like a boozy broad, but don't drink. Have you ever drunk? Just curious.
posted on June 12, 2007 at 11:34 PM
Tracey wrote:
Kathy, my girlfriend and I just discovered your show by first watching your f***ing hilarious stand up on "everybody can suck it" (and they can), we love your twisted humor and fabulously funny foul mouth, keep it coming...and yes, we are "the gays". New fans forever, hope to see you in person, ever thought about hitting the city that lives life on the d-list, Fort Wayne, Indiana? (the gays can be found here, if you like that sort of thing) If you were here, there would be more than corn in Indiana! Rock on with the funny sister....the "C" list is right behind you....
posted on June 14, 2007 at 10:30 AM
Chris Arsement wrote:
Hey Kathy,
I just wanted to let you know first of all that I think that you are awesome. I am from Lafayette ,LA which just found out that you are coming to the Heyman Center. To quote you "I have a gay dream", my dream is to see 3 of my favorite celebs. Which are Elton John, Cher, and Kathy Griffin. And I have seen the first two already and now I get to see you. Your life may be D-List, but you are on my A-List. I am not asking to meet you , even though that would be the wonderful.(hint,hint) Just know that I think that you are great and I will buy you dinner,if you want it. (not to seem like a stalker.)
posted on June 17, 2007 at 2:42 PM
Mackenzie wrote:
HAHAHAHA you are so funny! i love reading your blogs because i read it excataly how you would speak/sound in real life. well how i think you do in my head anyway. i loved loved loved the corperate gig you did for that hair supply company. how at the last minute you found out that they were sales persons and not actual STYLIST!!!! sooo...not so many gays...DARN! but what a wake up call you gave them!! you did an amazing job regardless...keep on rockin!!!
posted on June 20, 2007 at 11:54 AM
Greg wrote:
Your Seattle Gays are looking forward to seeing you in November at the Paramount Theatre. We have tickets in the 14th row for your first show, and I hear a 2nd show has been added due to the 1st selling out within 2 weeks. Looks like someone is moving up from the D-List.
Love your shows on Bravo and can't wait to see you live.
Love you, Kathy!
Greg & Dale
posted on June 27, 2007 at 11:59 PM
carol lick wrote:
I loved the bit at the emmys, I've seen it over and over and never get tired of it. You are brave and very very funny. I have always thought someone who doesn't win would do something besides just sit there with a fake smile and clap.
posted on June 28, 2007 at 4:34 PM
arlene wrote:
Okay Kathy - it's time to come to Montreal for the Just For Laughs Festival. It's too late for this year, but how about July 2008? I'd be the first in line to buy tickets! - Just love your show - you're so natural and unpretentious. I'm hereby putting you on the AAA list. By the way, how is your Mom doing? Take care.
posted on July 3, 2007 at 10:49 AM
Pinayoki wrote:
Hi Kathy, you rock! You make sad people happy! Thank you for your laughs!! I pray that you will continue what you do and that you won't be so sad about losing your Dad. Just remember, you've got a lot of fans if you need someone to tallk to. Take care.
posted on July 3, 2007 at 3:46 PM
Stephanie wrote:
Kathy, your my idol!!! Your such a great, confident women and are completly hillarious in all situations! Anyways, I look forward to tuesdays and the many laughs that you give! Just an FYI: I'd definitly rather see you than your definition of any old A-lister! I feel odd I've never blogged before...yeahy virgin bloggers....anyways... your gays aren't your only fans :)
p.s. god be with your father and your family
posted on July 10, 2007 at 10:42 PM
Matt wrote:
Hi Kathy!
My names Matt, and im from Buffalo, New York. I just want to say that, me my friend Jessica both decided that if we could have one celebrity for our bets friend, it'd you. Your fantastically hilerious!! I was wondering if you liked Buffalo, and if you would ever return. I missed you the last time because I have an idiot boss, so when I saw that one episode where you made Tom work for that chick so she could see you show, i couldn't stop laughing. I hope you read this, becuase I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!! your my hero!!
love,
Matt xxoo
P.S. I hope you actually do read these!!
posted on July 16, 2007 at 1:26 AM
Melissa wrote:
Kathy-
You are *so* much better than those plastic Grey's Anatomy biotches. Hell yes, I can believe it! I'm so excited for you-it's well-deserved. I can't wait till you get that baby in your hand!
All the best,
Miss
posted on July 23, 2007 at 5:12 PM
Ellie wrote:
You so rock! I love your show! I'm so happy your a nominee for an Emmy!! Yay, I hope you win!!!
~Ellie
posted on July 24, 2007 at 4:04 PM
maria wrote:
aahaha this is hilarious
posted on August 1, 2007 at 12:58 AM
jennifer wrote:
well, hopefully those corporate a-holes don't have a stick shoved so far up, that it is hanging out of there noses. just remember, they should have somewhat of a clue when they book you.
posted on August 8, 2007 at 4:41 PM
Sandra Logan wrote:
Brooke shields was beautiful...but u stole the show
posted on June 18, 2008 at 4:12 AM