What is Gonzo? It’s a question worthy of the ages, to be pondered under a hot, Grecian sun, on a rock, atop a mountain vista. I know what Kermit the frog is, and Miss Piggy, and Fozzy the bear. They're obvious. But what in the spirit of '76 is Gonzo?

A friend at a party told me once he thought Gonzo was a mosquito. “A mosquito?” I blasted back. "A bug the size of a small man that eats blood to live? That's a vampire -- a frightening one at that." The thought alone terrified me.

Besides, Gonzo always had personality. You know? I’m talking zazz here. He was a daredevil and he liked to pull off stunts, like trying to catch a cannonball in mid flight with his mouth.

Now, I’m hardly a novice to the Internet. I own a few Geo Cities URL's. It occurred to me to check this site out I’ve been hearing about called Wikipedia? According to them, the original “The Muppet Show” Gonzo had "sad and immobile eyes"( why drag Mary Kate and Ashley into this?). Any-who, Gonzo would rapidly evolve from that and into a wild-eyed optimist and “something of an intellectual,” often misunderstood by audiences, but the consummate performer.

See? I was right. Gonzo was old school showbiz -- a circus carney from a bygone era. My best guess is that he was about 250 years old, an alien circus ringleader stranded forever on planet Earth. Like I said, just a guess, but can you do any better?

--Michael N