The "Alternative Facts" Pizza At This Pizzeria Chain Has Absolutely No Calories

Total truthiness, no lie.

Alternative facts: all the flavor of real facts, none of that pesky “information” or “proof” everyone is always talking about. If you haven’t turned on the news in the last few days, a quick Google search of “alternative facts” should get you more up-to-speed than you ever needed/wanted to be. Ever since Kellyanne Conway presented the world with the new and improved 2017 version of "newspeak" to explain White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer’s comments about the audience size (or lack thereof) at the recent Presidential Inauguration, the world has been having a field day.

First there were the memes…

A photo posted by Jesse German (@jessegerman) on

Then brands got in on it…

…And now, at the apex of the alt-fact movement, we finally have what we’ve always craved: alternate fact pizza.

Grubstreet reports that pizza chain Villa Italian Kitchen is now rolling out the #AlternateFacts pie that they claim is both “fit for Kellyanne Conway” while also being “YUGE” in size. Villa Italian Kitchen, which originated in New York City but now includes locations across the country, took to Facebook to announce the introduction of the new menu item.

Photo courtesy of Villa Italian Pizzeria.

Incredibly this pie, potentially from the Twilight Zone, manages to contain ZERO calories, despite being packed full of bacon, pepperoni, ham, sausage, sauce, and “100% whole milk mozzarella.” (Sign us up.)

“But wait,” you might be thinking, “certainly those things have calories because, if nothing else, 100 percent whole milk basically screams calories and/or fat-content.” And that thought is understandable: Your past dealings with food, your common knowledge, your eyes, reason, and basic science all support it.

But alternatively, you’re completely wrong. Period.

End of discussion.

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