It's National Coming Out Day, and I woke up beyond irritated about the state of where things are for gay kids. Here I thought we'd come so far since I was young, but on the heels of the latest string of gay suicides, two things happened over the weekend that have me boiling this morning.
The first is that I was called a "faggot" on my way out of the Standard very late Friday night, as in "Oh, there's that faggot from TV." My friends and I circled the guy, who was in his late 20s and looked like an ordinary Joe, and started asking him what he meant, who he was, and did he know what he was saying. The police happened to be a few steps away and told the guy to split. That was it, but three days later I'm still pissed.
That word is as alive now as it ever was. There's years of work ahead of us.
And yesterday Carl Paladino, the jackass who's running for governor of my state, launched into a homophobic rant in front of a Hasidic group in Brooklyn, telling them that homosexuality is not an equally valid lifestyle. Awesome.
I just can't believe THIS is the conversation that's going on around me in October of 2010. What will it take to change things? It's frustrating and upsetting, and scary. But I still do believe that it gets better for everybody who takes the courageous step to come out, be who you are, and let your friends and neighbors know about it. Studies show that people who know gay people are more likely to be accepting of them in general. It makes sense.
In other news, I'm in the greenroom of the Today show with Corey Feldman. I think this day just went from bad to worse. Where's Kathie Lee!? I need my mommy.
At least the Atlanta Housewives are on tonight at 9, kids. That will put a smile on everybody's face at the end of the day.
GLBT National Coming out Day free dinner, cake, door prizes
National Coming out Day gay support group is open to teens, young adults and adults. Meeting and social group is Wednesday, Oct. 3 from 6:30 to 9 p.m. Please come, make friends and have a great time playing board games and lots more.
We will have a guest speaker and great door prizes. Come eat and have cake, too. NCOD is an internationally observed civil awareness day that celebrates individuals who publicly identify as bisexual, gay, lesbian, transgender coming out regarding one's sexual orientation and/or gender identity being akin to a cultural rite of passage for LGBT people. The holiday is observed annually by members of the gay community on Oct. 11.
Win free door prizes.
Date: Oct 3, 2012
Place: North County Branch Library,
65 Halsted Street, Clinton, NJ 08809;
Hang in there Andy. I'm a gay man too, living in Jacksonville, Fl and trust me, for every 1 of those guys that called you the "faggot" from tv I WORK with 10. It is what it is. It sucks. For many of us, before we can change the world, I think we'd just like the people in our families to accept us for who we are.
The more you think things change the more they stay the same.What a shame! Now that Hoda has a book out how about having her come into the Clubhouse? i think she could be a party.
Hang in there Andy. That fact that the dreadful circumstances of gay suicides, homophobic attacks, and public apathy now are getting extensive media coverage is a sign of hope. The courageous men and women in their Coming Out have also brought the disquised and hidden hate mongers out of their Closets for all to see. This is the course of change. When what is hidden becomes visible, then everyone is forced to evaluate and account for their actions and to decide what needs to change. The day will come and the day is here when people learn and grow because of these dark conflicts. Change is in the making, albeit slowly, but inevitible. The suffering have opened the door to a better life for everyone and that reconstruction process is how most good changes are born. Thank you for all you are doing to help the process along and to help those who have been and are being victimised in this growth of consciousness and accountability.
Andy, I am a 46 year old, Roman Catholic, heterosexual. I am so angry and disgusted with the idiots like Paladino. Please realize that he does not speak for the Catholic Church (neither do I but . .) and I would say with confidence 90% of the people who are Catholic, the "people in the pews" who attend Mass and support the Church. Fr. Mychal Judge, who died on 9/11 at the Twin Towers was a gay priest who was outspoken on gay rights and people throughout NY and NJ loved and adored him. A little known fact, the Catholic Church is one of the largest provider of treatment and care for those with HIV/AIDS. It is provided for people who can't afford it and for everyone no matter what their sexuality is, religion, race or finacial status. It is so disgusting that people are labeld. I think it is getting worse than better. Everyone one has to put people in categories. Why can they just be our brothers and sisters that is it? Not my Italian American blah, blah blah. I know I categorized myself at the beginng of this but it was only to let you know that many people in my "category" are not biggoted jackholes. Peace
I hate that my boo is down! I am pissed for you. I do believe that because of you and other people that speak up that you are giving courage and hope to others who are struggling to come out. You have a fabulous life and are a great human. That jackhole on the corner is just some drunk loser-- without a t.v. show. Let's drink to better days ahead.
I attended a candlelight vigil last night in honor of the young queers who took their own lives recently. At 41 years old I thought my days of this kind of fear and hatred were falling by the wayside. 20 years ago the AIDS crisis brought our community together as a strong voice with a purpose. I really hope it doesn't take a rash of suicides for us to stand up together again.
I had a teenager call me dyke recently, I turned on my heel and laughed in his face. Stay strong and COME OUT!!
Here is what makes me made. A couple days ago on facebook there was a talk about how as a society we need to do something to stop the bullying and prevent children from committing suicide and some idiot wrote that "Anyone that take their own lives are cowards and should be treated as such. Everyone gets bullied in one form or another and choose to live through it." of course this made me see red so my comment back to this idiot was "the subject is children committed suicide, and they do not always know that there is another choose, that does not make them cowards. People who bully are cowards and your remark sounds like a bully response to me.." I am still so mad about how closed minded people are when it is a subject they can't deal with..its time to grow up. We as a society need to be better people to all those around us...
There is a serious need for a gay human rights/gay civil rights movement in the United States. Homphobia is no different from racism, sexism or ageism, etc. . . To call someone a "f****t" is a form of hate speech as far as I am concerned.
Thanks for sharing about what happened to you. I am sorry you had to go through it, but I am glad you confronted the guy and let him know that it isnt acceptable.
Your story helps to raise awareness about a serious matter we all need to be paying a lot more attention to!
Andy, I certainly understand your anger & frustration, but please remember this; the "F" word (as applied to gays) will never die, just like the "N" word will never die, just like the "C" word (as applied to women) will never die. There will always be some people in this world with hate in their hearts - but that does not mean that it won't get better, and come on, of course it's better now for gays than it was 30 years ago - as for blacks, as for women. Are we there yet? No, but just gotta stay on the path. Look at it this way - at least you were recognized! ;o) As for Paladino, I dunno, total nut-job? Don't hear about him as much here on the W.Coast, but no doubt he'll fizzle out soon. As for Hoda, I 2nd her as a guest on WWHL! Hope your day gets better!!
Andy, you are right. To have things be like this in 2010 is beyond crazy. I'm 68 years old and never would of thought things would still be this bad. Small minded people. Hang in there, all that have come out. I'm a straight female but I come from the beauty and interior design field. It's got to get better some day.
Andy, sadly prejudice will never die out completely...while the f word is still alive and kicking, so is the N word (both are equal on my list) and they probably will always easily roll off the lips of some people. Lots of other slurs to people will too, it seems it's human nature to need to feel above someone, anyone else.
I'm 40, and I do think things have come a long way since the days I was a kid, and I think they will continue to improve. I think we are in a time where the depths of hate are being shown to us, driving those last few on a fence post to finally take a stand. For every bigot out there though, I think now there is another person fighting for your rights, though some days I'm sure it doesn't feel like it.
Andy: I think your comment "there's years of work ahead..." is accurate, but I wish for you to take heart and notice that the years that have already past have been significant, and I sincerely believe the future holds continued promise. The bitch of it all is how slow we move in our society with our thinking, or lack thereof. Throw in political posturing (like the jackass you mentioned), or my personal favorite, the bible belters (we've replaced the school book with the "good book" I guess) and progress is now at a snail's pace. However, please take note...a few years ago I would have never believed that I would have any interest in your blog or this topic. Also, I am a 50yo married straight guy, and I now find myself wanting to earn enough points on bravotv.com to build my "own housewife". Things change Andy, we're just slow as hell.... Your new friend, cyrialkiller...
Not that violences is ever the answer...but if I was with you, I would have kicked that guys ass. Signed A Girl from Washington.
I love the way you stood up for yourself! These churches and institutions have no right to peddle and preach their hatred across America. Gay people pay their fair share of taxes, they work to build a better America, and they make just as many contributions to our community. These instances impacting the Gay community have really upset me because I just cannot understand it.
In closing, I do understand the Gay Community is taking the bullet for all of us divorced women who are now having sex outside of marriage. Some people will always have hatred towards someone or a person's lifestyle. My sister and I have to act like virgins whenever we visit our family because our behavior is frowned upon. I could go on and on but I don't have all nite.
Paladino thankfully dug his grave before the election. But NY-ers GET OUT AND VOTE to make sure he doesn't get elected!
Paladino thankfully dug his grave before the election. But NY-ers GET OUT AND VOTE to make sure he doesn't get elected!
I'm sorry you had your fun evening tainted by someone so foul. It is unbelievable that people are still so back woods creepy. Good on you for confronting that slob. Let his ignorance be the fuel that energizes you change the world through your work. I love ya Andy!
And I thought the only person who still uses that obnoxious word was Danny from New Jersey. Love you, Andy Cohen!!
Keep your spirits soaring!!!! That sorry azz Paladino is dangerous, and I hope like Hell that Cuomo whips his "Azz" in the Governor's race.....
What makes me truly sad in 2010 is to see out gay people being hated on in public by closet gays. I mean how many of those D.C. folks turn out to be gay? And every time I look up some preacher is found to be gay after writing hateful sermons for years.
So what I want is less gay-on-gay hate. I where is the truth? and where is the love?
Can I get a amen up in here?
Much love for you and the show in the 805
Remember Andy that almost all of the people that use terms like "faggot" are most likely very sad and repressed homosexuals that are leading very sad and closed lives. I'm not just saying this to make us feel better but I really feel sorry for them. I mean if I were there I would feel extra sorry for him while I was kicking his ass because he was repressed and getting beat up by myself but more than that I'd feel guilty afterwards for doing it. I'm glad Paladino said what he did because now he won't get elected but feel sorry for him because he obviously needs it in a bad way, poor thing. Having to be near Cory Feldman is totally unacceptable, I'd sue someone for that.
Teach the Kids ... The best thing we can do is to teach the kids to respect ALL people. I am not gay, and many years ago I taught my kids what being gay means, and how important it is to respect all people. Occasionally one of my teenage sons' friends will say something negative about someone being gay. I don't let it slide. They get my opinion. They usually looked shocked that I would say anything. This needs to be talked about.
So sorry you had to endure a personal slur in this day and age. With idiotic GOP candidates like Palladino running their mouths off, it's no wonder gay bashing still persists. What angered me more than Palladino's views, was the applause he was given by the Hasidim MEN. That's an outrage! However, the press/media don't help the cause by giving so much attention and ink to people like Paladino and his hate mongering viewpoint.
Andy, that devastates me that someone actually said that to you, glad to hear that you confronted him, and hate that you had to confront him. I'm am sad :-(
Paladino, a freaking idiot I would re-elect Elliott Spitzer before voting for Paladino [and Spitzer pizzed me off] Cuomo FTW!
Hoda, Hoda, Hoda, Hoda, Hoda, Hoda, Hoda OMG why not KLG too!!! What a awesome show that would be!!!
Hang in there sweetie! Somehow good always seems to come from bad
I'm a gay teen myself, and I have been called a fag everyday in English class when I was in grade 9 because I chose to read the book "Stargirl". After about a week of harassment, I stopped going to English class. Which was a terrible mistake because I love English, I want to be a writer, so failing grade 9 English really made me upset. There was nothing that I could do, the teacher wasn't even oblivious to the bullying, and I know if I were to tell the teacher or principal, He would kill me for being a "snitch". He eventually got expelled last year, after I told my youth workers why I had stopped showing up to class. This year has been really great for me, and now that I have came out to my friends, I'm ready to see what's in store for my future.
My brother is 17 years old and he knows that I'm gay (I'm older/32yrs old) and his teammates (football) and friends also know that I'm gay but CONSISTENTLY use gay slurs like f*ggot around me. I've told them reapeatedly that I find these terms extremely rude and utterly offensive yet they continue to use them. I think most of them like me as a person, they just don't seem to care that they're language is cruel. This tells me that these young people are listening less to how they're words can be hurtful and more to the people who've influenced and brought them up using these kinds of words. The underlying disrespect and disregard for people who are a little different from them is shocking.
I feel bad for you and anyone else who has to deal with such mean and ignorant people.Some people think the silly, feminine stereotype is what all gays are.you people who have a voice have to show people that gays are as different from each other as straight people are.Gays are good, bad and both.we are all human beings who feel pain when attacked, and feel love when we are loved.I raised my three sons to be tolerant of all people and to treat others as they want to be treated.you have to always judge people as themselves, not as gays, or blacks or jews or italians .First lets all judge each other as people, not by religions, or color, or ethnicity, or sexual orientation.I like most people, when I don't it's because they're mean or have an attitude.Tolerance people....that should be the word of the week.Sorry for you feeling bad Andy....i love you!
And has every right to- it's called freedom of religion. Religious marriage has nothing to do with laws on marriage. The law is generated by all of us so stop blaming any church for the laws prohibiting gay marriage- get out and get involved in the political world. Vote.
As you can see from idiot Carl Paladino, ignorance starts at home. Im hoping that a lot of whats happening now in the media regard homosexuality is generational. Id like to think that once the older generation, and some from our gen, are gone, tolerance, education, respect and understanding will prevail regarding acceptance of ALL PEOPLE. I believe Im seeing a glimpse of it right now. I have a younger sister by 14 years and she has friends and classmates that are out. From what my sister says, "its no big deal!" Is Paladino awake and coherent? There are gay Senators/Congressman and for Petes sake Hoover wore dresses. WAKE UP PEOPLE!
I agree with you about the way gay people are treated. It's ridiculous. I'm sorry you and others have to contend with such idiots.
Love your show. I think you are hilarious!
I am so sorry to read that you went through that- it is terrible and ugly. My son is seven and we so very much want him to understand that this kind of behavior and the bullying of ANYONE different than him is not only wrong, but should be stood up to. If we turn our heads, we're just as guilty. I can't speak for other parents, but he will be in the kind of trouble he has yet to know about if I ever find out he's mistreating people in this way. I sincerely hope the rest of high school is better for you, and one way or another I promise you, those ignorant kids will have to come to terms with how many people they've hurt. Keep up with English, I know few school subjects that will serve you better!!!
I get it. totally. so today on my blog was Day 3 of It Gets Better : Operation Post It--with videos people have submitted to me & post it notes to show their support. And the majority are all straight people--who love us. Thanks for sharing your story--I hope anyone reading comes over and submits their support. And Andy, I'd love to do a camera interview you -- it would be for a great cause! Thanks, Nando from nandoism . com
I know exactly what you mean...homophobia is so sickening and it makes me livid every time I see it. Like I have said before, you are such a role model for me and I respect you and admire you like no other. And I can say...it really does get better. Being a gay young man in this day and age is hard but I never let anyone get me down or make me feel worthless. You are awesome Andy and you should never let people like that bother you. stay classy Andy because you know...money, or homophobia, can't buy you class. haha.