With great power comes great responsibility. And with all the power that a dog site can bestow upon people, we have put together a list of best and worst dog breeds responsibly. That means we have refrained from calling any breed a “stupid trash dog” or “furry dumpster” and are merely laying out, in plain English, which dog breeds are the best and which ones are, well, not so much.
After all, we are dog experts. And though some might say we’re “going crazy” or “on an insane power trip” for making this list, well, we daresay we think you will agree with our rankings. If in the rare, rare chance you disagree, we are pretty sure we can convince with our persuasive arguments below. (And if you still disagree… #SorryNotSorry.)
Top 5 Dog Breeds, According to Us
1. Shiba Inu. The breed that launched a thousand memes. They are as beautiful and smart as they are hilarious.
2. Corgi. Four words: Floofy butts; stubby legs.
3. Beagle. Beagles stole our heart (and our snacks) in childhood. They are great companions, great sniffers, and have amazingly velvety ears.
4. Labrador retriever. Labs are like if America were a dog—they are basically the apple pie of breeds. Show us one person who doesn’t like Labs and we will show you a liar.
5. Pit bull. Everyone loves an underdog, especially us! Bonus: They are incredibly sweet dogs that always look like they’re smiling!
Bottom 5 Dog Breeds, According to Us
1. Chinese Crested. Sorry but these guys win the World’s Ugliest Dog Contest more often than not for a reason. They’re kind of like if a rat got into a fight with his barber and lost. No thank you.
2. Saint Bernard. Listen, we saw the movie Beethoven as children and it taught us that the drool on these doggos is both gross and unmanageable. (And that is all it taught us because we fell asleep before the ending.)
3. Poodle. Poodles are not a dog’s dog. They don’t check the box for “cuddly” or “personable” and we once knew one that ate a scrunchie.
4. Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. First, a breed name should not be so long or so pretentious. Second, their eyes look off-puttlingly human-like. Third, we deeply associate these dogs with Charlotte from Sex and the City and she was always our least favorite as well.
5. Collie. If you are going to look like Lassie, you better impress us. Save a child from a well. If a barn is on fire, go get help. Don’t just sit there all majestic and fancy like you’re judging us.
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