A Man Confused Butternut Squash With Cheese, Causing the Most Astonishing Grocery Negotiation Ever

When life gives you butternut squash cubes...don't assume they're actually cheese.

Supermarket mix-ups are a dime a dozen. Maybe you wanted sliced turkey, but you grabbed chicken instead. Maybe you meant to get regular coffee, but bought decaf by mistake. Or maybe you wanted two pounds of cubed cheese, but you picked up a bunch of butternut squash instead.

It could happen. In fact, it absolutely did.

(It’s not un-cheese-like?)

Whatever the reason the mix-up happened, we’re just glad it did, and that SBNation writer James Dator was there to witness/live tweet it—as well as recap the whole glorious thing for us in a brilliant blog post.

According to Dator’s Twitter feed, the issue started when a man returned to a grocery store after discovering that the giant box of cubed cheese he had purchased was in fact diced butternut squash instead. Delicious? Yes. Cheese? No.

He complained to the store’s employees, who we have to commend for not immediately laughing in the face of what was surely their first cheese-for-squash swap. Instead they pointed out that the squash was opened, and therefore couldn’t be accepted as a return to the store, per the rules of produce everywhere.

When the man pushed the point, they finally acquiesced and agreed to refund the cheese-loving customer his $2.97 in order to put the mess behind them. But Cheese Man was not to be trifled with. Instead of accepting this totally reasonable compromise he instead INSISTED he be compensated with the same weight in cheese for the same $2.97 he had originally spent.

To put this in perspective: a man, wrongly, thought a box of cheese was $3. It wasn’t cheese. The store agreed to refund his money. Instead he demanded cheese for $3. BUT THAT’S NOT HOW SHOPPING WORKS. If I bought a bicycle for $50 and thought it was a motorcycle, I couldn't return to the bike store and demand a motorcycle honored at the price of $50. IT DEFIES ALL LOGIC. To top it all off, the store didn’t even sell cubed cheese in that quantity.

He fought hard.

But despite Dator witnessing numerous other painful parts of this interaction…

Cheese Man finally decided to leave the store cheese-less.

But what did he end up doing with the squash? Did he ever find cubed cheese? How did he explain this all to the guests he apparently had waiting at home? We may never know. But for now we can at least it seems like we can count this case squashed.

To enjoy all the nuances, ponderings, and analysis of the squash-cheese interaction, read the dramatic firsthand account here.

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