Donald Trump Will NOT Be Getting the Goldendoodle He Was Promised

There will be no First Dog—for now.

The worst thing about winning the White House is that about fifty percent of the country is going to hate you, and Donald Trump is (clearly) no exception. But what’s the solution? Working towards policy changes that will narrow the divide? Appointing a bunch of moderates to your cabinet? Engaging honestly and openly with your opposition?

NO, NO, and NO. There is only ONE solution and that is GET A WHITE HOUSE DOG.

After his election, it was widely reported that Donald Trump was going to get a Goldendoodle called Patton (named in honor of one of Trump’s military heroes). The Florida-born pup has a burnt-orange coat and is allegedly the offspring of American military service dogs. Bonus: He’s a huge fan of scrambled eggs, just like Trump. Breakfast buddies!

Patton was promised to Trump by his longtime friend Lois Pope (a philanthropist and animal activist), and it was pretty much the only political promise that all of America was on board with. Pope strongly felt that Trump needed a First Dog, so she sought out the perfect pup and landed on Patton. She shared photos of the dog with Trump on Thanksgiving, and allegedly he raved about how much his 10-year-old son Barron would love the dog.

Sadly, it’s not going to happen. Pope, apparently, has “fallen in love” with Patton and cannot bring herself to give him up. “I couldn’t sleep,” Pope told The New York Post, “and the reason I couldn’t sleep was because I fell in love with the dog. I walked over to [Trump], through the Secret Service and I told him, ‘Donald, I’m sorry. You can’t have Patton.”

But apparently, The Donald wasn’t too upset. Pope recalls Trump saying, “I can’t take the dog. Look at what I do. I’m here, I’m in New York, I’m in Washington. What am I going to do with the dog?”

Now that Patton has fallen through, Trump will be the first president without a dog since 1901. For the sake of himself, Barron, and all of America, we hope he changes his mind and becomes pro-pooch very soon. (Is it wishful thinking to hope that he rescues? #adoptdontshop)

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