Looking for love this year? It may help to take a look back at the kind of men from your past. Even though those relationships failed, you can still learn a thing or two to find the right kind of guy now.
“Our dating experiences shape who we are and give us a better understanding of the kind of relationship we are looking for,” says relationship expert and matchmaker Julia Bekker, owner of The Hunting Maven. “Some people teach us deeper lessons and others serve a more simple purpose. Either way, these people come into our lives for a reason.”
Here are five types of guys who you may have been involved with, and why, in the end, it was a good thing, even though it may ot have seemed like it at the time.
1. The heartbreaker
You know the type, too into his own needs and never yours. Although it hurts like hell, he was clearly not the one for you! “Here you can learn about no longer wasting your time with someone who could never value you the way they should,” Julia says. You learn that the pain does fade in time, leaving room to appreciate the opportunity of opening the door to the person you are actually meant to be with.
2. The gay ex-boyfriend
Remember how Grace used to be in love with her best friend Will (yes, we can’t wait for the rumored reboot in 2017 either!). If you’ve had one of these, don’t get bent out of shape. You know the reason it didn’t work out had nothing to do with you and in the end they make a great BFF.
“Be thankful that your relationship with them can stay a true friendship minus the sexual tension or hidden agendas,” Julia declares. “They want to be around you simply because they enjoy your company and you're you!”
3. The Mr. Not-So-Right
Sure, he’s fine on paper, but there’s something just not quite right. Maybe your communication is off, or there's no chemistry. It can be hard to walk away from this guy because there seems to be nothing wrong, except allowing ourselves to find our true life partner.
“Not only do they help us become stronger and wiser, but as we go through disappointments and all of our relationships that don’t end up working out, we learn a lot about ourselves and really come to an understanding of what we want out of a partner in life,” Julia shares. “The more people we date that aren’t right for us, the closer we get to the one that is.”
4. The friend… with benefits
Who hasn’t had that guy you text after midnight for a late night booty call. These guys are valuable our lives when we don’t want anything serious.
“You can always rely on them; they will never let you down because their interests and intentions are the same as yours,” explains Julia, who adds to make sure you are both on the same page about it. And you can learn a lot about what you want in bed, as long as you accept this isn’t a fully-formed relationship.
5. The too good to be true
You know this one. The guy who is just a little too handsome and a little too perfect. He’s like your own Christian Grey, and just like that guy, he’s harboring a dark secret.
“There is no one who walks this earth without imperfections,” Julia exclaims. “You’re going to find something out, because too good is never true.”
Learning to connect with someone who is real makes for the best relationship.
“No one is perfect but someone is right. When you meet the right person you’ll be aware of their flaws, and you will accept them as they will accept yours.”
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