One of the more unexpected emotions that's cropped up in America over the past few months is unabashed, un-ironic Canada envy. Honestly, we don't know if our hearts can handle more photos of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau carrying a random citizen down the stairs or cuddling pandas. But the why-can't-we-have-the-nice-things? lament only grows stronger when you consider all the delicious foodstuffs that are only available in the land where all transactions involve an "eh" (at least we assume they do). Here are seven tasty things, in addition to "certified PMilf" Trudeau, Canadians can get their hands on that we can't:
1. Ketchup-Flavored Chips
When it comes to hockey-watching snacks, the brands we Americans know and love have cozied up to Big Tomato to churn out ketchup-flavored snacks that for some odd reason are only available up north. Canadians just can’t seem to get enough of Lay’s ketchup chips and Ketchup Doritos, although American ketchup fanatics can keep their fingers crossed that the chips eventually migrate southward, like Canada’s other official-unofficial chip flavor: the Ruffles All Dressed—a mix of tomato, salt and vinegar, sour cream and onion, and barbecue.
2. Hawkins Cheezies
Our oh-so-polite neighbors to the north swear by their Hawkins Cheezies, which are essentially crunchier, deep-fried Cheetos that boast a coating of legit Canadian aged cheddar. (The rampant Cheezies devotion has literally elevated the snack to an art form. No joke.)
3. Hickory Sticks
The citizens of Canada do love their Hickory Sticks, which are deeply-smoky-flavored (OK fine, “flavoured”), ultra-crispy potato treats. It’s like a starchy, addictive bag of Canadian wilderness—in the best possible way.
4. Crush Cream Soda
Fact: Any of Canada’s Ryans (Reynolds, Gosling, etc.) could get thirsty at any given moment. Happily, they’ve got exclusive access to Crush Cream Soda, the all-pink fizziness that’s almost too pretty to chug.
5. Jos Louis
What looks vaguely like a hockey puck but has a secret red-velvet-and-cream filling? The Frenchiest-named packaged chocolate-covered snack cake ever—Canadian childhood staple (and nostalgic adult obsession) Jos Louis.
6. Anything and Everything Poutine-Inspired
You might be feeling smug because you can enjoy Canada’s greatest export—poutine, natch (sorry, Bieber)—at your hippest local gastropub. True. But can you feast your eyes and stomach on Cheesy Beef Poutine pizza from the neighborhood Pizza Hut? Sadly, no. Can you make a 2 a.m. run to Taco Bell for the oddly majestic-sounding Fries Supreme? Non. In Canada, they can even grab poutine at the McDonald’s drive-thru. We repeat: poutine without getting out of your car.
7. McDonald’s Special Sauces (For Real)
We’ve got a quarter-pound beef with the Golden Arches. After giving away 10,000 bottles of its legendary Big Mac Sauce earlier this year (and making some saucy scalpers quite happy), McDonald’s announced that the sauce—along with the creamy tastiness that tops the Filet-o-Fish and McChicken sandwiches—will be bottled and sold this spring. But only in Canada. So…their immigration website is fixed now, right?
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