Beyond Bravo

Is Kanye Too Jealous? How Much Is Too Much In a Relationship?

There's definitive things a person can do to take it too far. 

On Monday evening, just before Kim Kardashian and Kanye West headed to the Met Ball, Kanye fired a member of the duo's security team in a fit of jealousy over his wife.

“Something happened at the Waldorf Astoria where Kanye just lost it,” a source who was on the 36th floor of the hotel told the New York Daily News

The rapper’s anger was aimed at Steve Stanulis, a former NYPD officer turned bodyguard and part-time actor who has also looked after Leonardo DiCaprio and Alanis Morissette.

According to the source, Kim’s assistant called her security detail, asking them to bring up a delivery from a local store. When Stanulis volunteered, West overheard and allegedly lost it, yelling “This isn’t right!” A few hours later, Stanulis no longer had his job, and Kanye was still be fuming from what he perceived to be the bodyguard’s flirtation.

While we don’t know if Kim’s security actually crossed the line, Kanye certainly got jealous over his lady being allegedly hit on by someone else. So is there such a thing as a healthy amount of jealousy? When does it become too much?

"Jealousy, by definition, is inherently negative,” relationship expert James Michael Sama tells Personal Space. “It typically represents an uneasiness or distrust towards another person, obviously not something one would want to feel towards their significant other. However, I do feel as though a very limited amount of jealousy can be a positive thing.”

James says a “small” amount of jealousy can actually let someone know you care. 

“If you are not jealous in any way, shape, or form whatsoever, it may lead your significant other to wonder how much you really value him/her, or the relationship,” he says. “If a girlfriend of mine never cared where I was, what I was doing, or who I was talking to, it would raise questions from me about what she was doing or who she was talking to, as well. I like it when a girl is a little jealous, it shows she cares and doesn't want to lose me.”

Jealousy turns unhealthy when it prevents someone else from living a normal life, says James. He gives examples of how far is too far, including forbidding a significant other from having friends of the gender they're interested in, snooping around and checking his or her phone without them knowing, and any sort of restriction on an individual's freedom to live their own life are problematic.

“In the case of Kim and Kanye, it would be ridiculous to assume that their security guard was actually trying to pick her up or whisk her away to some magical land,” he says. “He was likely just having an innocent conversation with her, and being fired for it shows that Kanye is so incredibly insecure and possessive that he can't have another man even speak to his wife. I don't know Kanye nor am I (or anyone else) privy to what happens behind closed doors in their relationship, so I won't chastise him too much, but I will say that if a man or woman begins to experience similar treatment in a relationship, I would view it as a serious red flag.”

When no one is allowed to talk to your partner, that is potentially obsessive, possessive behavior. If your partner displays fits of jealousy too often, you need to question the relationship. 

“There should be absolutely no need to restrict someone's activity if you have open and honest communication about your commitment to the relationship. I believe that jealousy in these cases stems from lack of trust, which, if there is no basis for, likely comes from a lack of communication,” James says. “The willingness to be open and honest about your feelings for someone who is acting jealous, is an important ingredient to extinguish the flames. If you express to them how much you care and are committed to the success of your relationship, it should help to ease their tension and make them feel secure enough to trust you and loosen the reigns on their jealousy to a 'healthy' level.”

In any happy, healthy relationship, there should be no reason to doubt the trustworthiness of one's partner, James says. 

“Being protective to an extent is necessary because not everyone outside of your relationship can be trusted, but the two people who are in it absolutely should.”

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