With nearly 125 million single adults in America -- roughly half the population -- it’s hard to believe any one of them would need to hook up with someone who has made their way down the altar. And yet there are singles still in search of the OPP this holiday season. Ashley Madison even encourages it. So what drives someone without a legal attachment to seek out someone who is?
If you’re not looking for a full-fledged relationship, it can be ideal, according to 36-year-old New York bvased financial analyst, Elyse. “I've been in several relationships with married men in the past and there is no problem -- as long as you understand the boundaries,” she says. “If you are the type of person who needs to have your partner with you all the time - then it wouldn't work.” Elyse adds that the personal space and lack of pressure to commit are a bonus.
For Tammy, 36, from New York, it was all about breaking the rules. She had an affair with her married coworker, even though their company discouraged it.
“When we first started flirting, I didn’t know he was married. It was just so hot that it was forbidden to hook up in the workplace," she says.
When another cooworker finally told Tammy, 36, the guy had a wife, that turned her on even more. The two had sex in an empty office one afternoon. “There was something so wrong about being with him professionally and personally, I couldn’t stop," she adds.
One weak moment or a lapse in judgement can land a single gal in bed with a married man.
“After our tryst, his wife found half the condom wrapper in his shorts pocket ... literally,” confesses Jennifer, 34, from Los Angeles. “She questioned him and he said it must have been his friend's. She believed him. They're both dumb and living happily ever after.”
Single women aren’t the only ones who are drawn to an off-the-market lover.
Greg, a 31-year old banker from New York, has become a serial side dude.
“The first time, more than 10 years ago, I was a student in school and she was a few years ahead of me. We flirted a lot, and one day, I garnered enough courage to ask her to come over and watch a movie. We started fooling around and one thing led to another...”
His partner decided, in the heat of the moment, to tell him she was married.
“She explained that she was currently separated and thinking about divorce. That was good enough for me.”
They continued the affair for a year and a half. “We eventually broke up when she graduated and moved away. She never got the divorce, and actually lives with her husband.”
Greg got involved with another married woman shortly after his first fling. This time, “it was strictly for sex,” he admits. “After about a month, I moved on. The sex was good, but not great enough for me to risk the husband finding out.”
His next affair commenced online. “We began talking as friends in an Facebook mutual interest group, and the conversation moved into inappropriate waters.”
The more she complained about her marriage, the more sexual their talks became. They finally picked a state between them to meet up and consummate their virtual affair.
“Her husband figured it out soon after because she was always on the phone with me. He called me from her phone to tell me to stay away.”
Greg ignored the threat and continued to see her for months. However, “she never got divorced and eventually decided it was best to work on her marriage, and I agreed.”
As weird as it sounds, Greg is still in touch with his last married lover. “I give her advice on how to make things work with her husband, and we've remained good friends.”
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