Advice

What Katie Maloney-Schwartz and Tom Schwartz Talking About Their Marriage Problems Means

The Vanderpump Rules couple is actually doing a really good thing. 

Katie Maloney-Schwartz and Tom Schwartz have always invited Vanderpump Rules viewers into their love life — and have always been honest about the obstacles they face as a couple.

With their usual openness, the couple offered some insight into how marriage is going these days, with Tom telling reporters at the NBCUniversal Press Junket in Hollywood this week that the couple is still working on things.

“We’re not happily ever after,” he said. “We still have a lot of work to do.”

And Katie, who married Tom in August 2016, admitted, “We would be lying to ourselves if we said everything is great, but it is significantly a lot better.”

Which, according to relationship therapists is an amazing thing to admit. Being honest and aware about where you are in your relationship is the first step to solving whatever issues you have and coming out stronger as a couple.

New York Dating and Relationship Expert and founder of pregnantish.com Andrea Syrtash says, “we have to get over the idea of ‘perfect’ in love and life. When you start from perfect, you can’t grow.”

Wise.

“It’s ok, and even important, to admit that your relationship takes work — but you also want to be honest with yourselves about how much energy you’re exerting to keep your home peaceful. If you’re arguing most of the time, chances are you may need a third party (like a therapist) to help you navigate challenges,” she says. “I generally don’t recommend couples start a family before they’re in a good solid place together. (Also, we can’t always plan that timeline!) The important thing is that Katie and Tom keep communicating through issues so they can be mostly aligned once a baby enters the picture...”

Syrtash says it’s refreshing in a way that they’re honest.

“It’s nice that they’re not lying to the cameras or the public about their relationship, and that they’re being real about their challenges. Many people watching can probably relate,” she says.

Relationship expert Cindi Sansone-Braff says it’s good to admit your own faults as a couple — just do it to each other first before you blab on TV.

“Before you go airing your dirty laundry about your relationship to others, be sure that you and your partner have an open discussion concerning the people you can share details about your personal life with and those who you can’t,” Sansone-Braff says. “Also come to an agreement as to what kinds of problems and issues you can feel free to share with others. You should also respect each other's wishes concerning those issues that must be kept strictly confidential between the two of you. Choose the people you confide in wisely. Be sure that they are kind, discreet, trustworthy, and nonpartisan as well as nonjudgmental.”

She advises to always be clear as to what your intention is in sharing your issues with the public.

“If your intention is to just vent or bad mouth your partner, then a ‘little less honesty around here’ might be the mantra of the day,” she says. “Remember, you might be able to forgive and forget what your partner has done, for instance: cheating on you, but your mother and others might not be so forgiving. Just know that once you let the cat out of the bag on a loaded issue like infidelity, expect a lot of ill feelings to be expressed about your partner for a very long time to come.”

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