When the very married Kristin Cavallari recently commented that she'll be a "single parent for the next five months,” because her professional football player husband, Jay Cutler, will be moving to Florida to play with the Miami Dolphins, she touched a nerve with actual single moms everywhere.
While for now, the former reality star isn’t moving her three kids, Camden, 5, Jax, 3, and Saylor, 1, out of their Nashville mansion—complete with six bedrooms and eight bathrooms—she also still has help from her mother-in-law and live-in nanny.
Kristin had appeared in a recent Facebook Live segment, where she said: “We just moved there [Nashville], actually, a few months ago, full time. And both my boys are in school. It doesn’t make sense to pack up the family just for five months…So, I’m a single parent for the next five months. It’s a little chaotic but in the best way. My kids are great. They’re good kids for the most part.”
She added, “Of course we have our stuff, but it actually hasn’t been as hard as I thought it was going to be, being a single parent. And I have an amazing nanny. My mother-in-law is there with my kids right now, so I couldn’t do it without them.”
But one single mom tells Personal Space why she was offended by The Hills star’s comments, explaining that she found them to be thoughtless.
“She has the support around her in addition to millions coming in for her husband,” says Jennifer Berkowitz, 43, a New Jersey mom who works full time and raises three kids under 6-years-old on her own since her husband moved out and the two ends their relationship over a year ago.
“She has full time help, there’s nothing single about what she’s doing and she shouldn’t throw the term around,” adds Jennifer. “If he leaves the family, then she’ll have a true understanding of what single is.”
Which for this mom, is waking at 5 A.M. every day, and showering before her kids wake up, then feeding them and getting two ready for school while her 10-month old son also needs attention. The rest of her day is chaos, she says, and she handles it like a pro—with no help.
“Let her change clothes three times a morning after being spit up on a million times, all before 8 A.M, drive her kids to school, get herself to work, work all day, come home, bathe them, feed them, then there’s fencing lessons and dancing school and school activities.
“She’s on another planet.”
Jennifer says that although she knows Kristin didn’t mean it in the real “single mom” way, she “she should have gone with something else.”
“Nobody loves being a single mother, it’s not funny,” she says. “She’s entitled. Her husband is making millions and she has the balls to say this, she never has to go to school and explain to the teachers that theirs is a one parent household. She doesn’t have o go to school functions and birthday parties without a father there
and she doesn’t have to go to back to school night and ask if the father’s in the home.”
"People go to war with each other over this, that’s a blatant no-no to say when you're not," Emma explains. "Inside of the single mom world, some people believe that if a mom has a co-parent or is divorced but there's an involved dad, she can't call herself a single mom...It's the biggest no-no for every real single mom for a married mom to say she is a single parent. It insults us. She's alone in a mansion, has income and support, a spouse, there’s social status attached to having a spouse, and friends and family to help."
Emma says everyone wants to claim victimhood, and that her work is about elevating the term single mom. "Everybody wants to hold on to the claim that they suffer," she laughs. "Why are you claiming a social status that has historically been looked down upon? Politicians for the last 40 years having been blaming the ills of society on single moms. Really, she's struggling? What is so hard on your life that you can’t deal? She doesn’t even have to work."
Emma, 40, has a daughter 9, and a son, 7, and is divorced and very much a single mom, she says.
And in case you were confused as to your mom status, she days:
"If you’re married and your husband's away on the weekend for business you’re not a single mom."
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