Reason number one to keep a diary— so when you are older you can laugh at your young, dumb self.
Madie Cardon, now 16, from Utah, set the internet ablaze when she discovered her own diary, filled with adolescent penmanship scrawled in pink pen.
She took to Twitter to share excerpts from the 2008 masterpiece, written when she was just seven years old. "Found my diary from when I was 7, I'm dying," she wrote.
Madie's worldly problems at the time included boys, mean girls, and secret spilling.
“Today at school my crush Riley was chasing other girls on the playground! I thought he liked me,” Madie wrote. “And guess who he was chasing! Jessica! She is such a player! She hugs at least five boys every day! I am so mad at her.”
Five boys a day?! Consider Jessica hug-shamed.
Made was hellbent on revenge, writing that her plan was to tell her crush about Jessica’s little secret.
“I think I will tell Riley her secret. She wears pull ups! After he finds out he won’t like her anymore,” she writes.
Next day. Valentine’s Day. Madie wants Riley to be hers and she’ll stop at nothing to make him love her.
“I made Riley a Valentine,” she wrote. “Me and Katelyn stayed up all night making it. Before Riley got to school, I put it in his desk (number 22). When he got to school, he looked in his desk and found my box. I wrote anomious (sic) on it so he didn’t now (sic) it was from me.”
Come on Madie, we’d recognize that pink pen anywhere.
Anyway, we all know a Riley. A Riley who can crush your heart with his bare hands. Riley threw the card away!
“I am still crying,” she wrote.
We hope she is not still crying.
Things got worse from there. Besides her card ending up in the trash, Riley fell for that hug monster Jessica. If Riley is Jennifer Aniston, Jessica was the Angelina Jolie of the second grade.
“I am done with boys. I want to kill all of them,” she wrote of the duo’s affair.
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