I prefer a much darkewr blush than this crap you are trying to push on me Maggie. What gives?

Maggie: Oooh don't tell Kathy I clipped it from her maid.

Well, Kathy got these for me because she said I needed a more powerful hearing aid, but I don't know, do you think they are going to make me look silly?

Its viagra! all my dates use it.

If you think that's bad - you should have seen the birth control devices back in the day....

"...I just need a little of your sperm in each one of these round containers...I'm not asking for a commitment, just to be your baby mama."

MG: and this is how the diaphragm works.

RG: cool.

This week's caption (Maggie Griffin + her gays): "It's a matching set."

Last week's caption (Kathy Friffin + Levi Johnston) "A horney pair."

Excuse me sonny! That's MY Diaphragm!!!

do you think I am a little to old for the nuvo ring?

You're in what "movie"?

Do you think that Indrani, Rachel Zoe, Vicky from the Real Housewives of Orange County, or Padma would use this product?

"What you never heard of a diaphragm? I have to be safe you know!"

Here sonny, I think these are a new type of Viagra pill.

You can use this pair of customized Yo-Yo's while you perform your strip! No act has EVER done that, sonny!!!

Maggie: This was my very first diaphragm. I bet you didn't think they had those back in 1910.

"It was a free gift with my box of wine".

I dunno! Kathy gave them to me and said her gays would explain what these blue balls are!

It's a couple's vibrator set! Wanna try it out?

If you put these over your eyes you'll swear you are with Angelina Jolie, I PROMISE!

Are these the little blue pills you wanted, Sonny?

Hmmmmmmmm! I don't know Grandma I don't think this is for storing your teeth in!

*Now you know thats funny! LOL

You're borrowing my stuff again?

Do you think these blue implants will compliment the bluish tint to my hair? Don't you think they feel natural, too?

Is there wine in there?

Excuse me sonny...Can I have my pacemaker back?

These are two old diaframes that my daughter Kathy has no more use for! Almost like brand new! How about two for the price of one!!

I forgot to take my male birth control!

Kathy said these pasties would cover "the girls" quite nicely!

"You know, I always was curious about how these worked.

Don't you think these are a little "big" to stuff my "man area" with, for this photo shoot?

I'll just put them in there and see what they can do, cool!"

Thanks, Maggie! I can wear them as pasties at the next Pride Parade!

It's my new invention - wine in a soap dish! Taste it and then we'll head for the bedroom!!

So Maggie this is how birth control worked in the 1940's? or Maggie how am I supposed to fit this IUD ?

You want me to put that where and do what with it????

Yes honey, these are my first breast implants from 70 years ago. Now where is my box of wine?

Wow. Do you really gave to wax your chest hair so often? Holy, Christ! Kathleen. Help me a minute!

I thought you said it was a LITTLE blue pill ? With these, we could go all week !

Ummm, Maggie, you want me to use this where ???

I think it will work as well on your face as it has on your chest hair!

Ma, I think I found your birth control pills!!!

and where did you say you put this?

Why Grandma; What big Pasties you have.

Oh my you want me to help you try them on? Oh I couldnt do that, but Kathy wouldnt mind...

This is your diaphragm?

what can i say? livin the cougar lifestyle is hard on a social security check!

Guy: It removed all the hair from my chest. Maggie: Really? Then I'm getting it for Kathy!

Guy: Yeah, yeah...body creme..I like this flavor...let's go Maggie:Ah..as soon as Kathie leaves!

Thanks G-ma Finally a diaphram for men...Gee Whiz!!!!

No, really, your speedo collection will fit.

You get the Maggie moo moo with it and it only costs a box of wine !!

Are you kidding me, I didn't mean those for you they're for you Great-grandfather... have him call me, he has the number.