Some people might call me high maintenance. Of course I am, just look at me!

Your proposing this is the best day of my life. oh, im going to start to cry. Can I have a towelette. Actually i am just tying my shoe. oh.

Oh, my gosh - I finally realized who I was married to!

Yes, and we fart also thank you very much.

"Oh my God! Domestic Wine?"

Oh, here comes Vicki...arggghhh!

"I'm even beautiful when I vomit!"

Oh God! I live in Orange County?!?

I told you that if Vicky shouted "yoo hoo" one more time I'd puke!

Oh my god! That has how many calories in it?

All this honesty is making me lose my lunch.

YUCK domestic cavier

If I chloroform myself, will anyone be able to tell the difference?

Manners are only for ordinary people.

Snooki asks if she can join the Housewives for dinner.

Did I just take a bite of food? I can not eat, my husband is not here with me!

Alexis left more than her heart in San Francisco, she left her entire guts. No wonder her husband has to escort her everywhere!

I have finally made myself sick!

I miss my babies so much, I just had to ask one of the nannies for a diaper so I could give it a sniff now and then!

No matter what you call it, liver is liver and I swore when I left Kansas, I would never eat liver again!

I thought foi gras was just a fancy chicken nugget - my bad! I'm just a plain little homemaker, after all.

OMG - I just watched an episode of Real Housewives of OC and I'm gonna puke!

Cat food???

Is there a new bambino on the way for one of the Housewives?

I do have it all!!!!!!!! Just look at me......ooooops:)

by Marta K. from Newport Beach, California

Ketchup on scrambled eggs?

Just the typical reaction when Jim reminds Alexis how amazing he is.

Oops, guess I shouldn't have eaten that extra piece of cake after all.

Cat Fight??!!? I'll show you the HAIR BALL!!!

Damn! Vicki's spinach dip is the worst!!!

Nothing goes past these lips...how do you think I stay looking THIS good??!!

Chokin' on perfection!

Eww! I haven't tasted wine out of a box since high school!

Water Has calories???

Is Vickie gone yet?

OMG! It tastes just like a babies diaper!

OH!... I am sorry, did you say that was Claret?

Jim! Jim! Where are you? I can't do this without you!!!

Listening to and sitting next to hypocrite Vickie literally makes me sick to my stomach!!!

OOPS! I thought everything is suppose to taste like chicken, not!

"I wonder how queazy Vicki's stomach really is....."

Did I swallow all of that?

Choking on my words. I guess GOD does work in mysterious ways!

You mean I have to get a real job ????

I DON'T EAT, I SPIT.

Oh no! I haven't tasted food this bad since I snagged myself the rich husband!

Oh my God, I can't believe I almost swallowed without Jim's approval !!!

I've just GOT to quit coming to these rotgut wine tastings. This one tasted as bad coming up as it did going down!

gaggin' on my hypocrisy!

Oh my Gosh! Jim just called! One of my nannys just quit!