Sorry, Snooki, your dreams of Guido babies with Jionni may be forever dashed. "There's no trust in this relationship," Patti Stanger confides to The Daily Beast. "That one will break up." One of the problems Patti sees: Snooki isn't being herself. "To her, being demure is weak. And when she tries to change it up and be sweet and call him, he's like, 'What is this? What's going on?'"

If Snooki and Jionni decide to end it, Patti's ready to extend an offer to this side of Team Meatballs. "I will invite her onto The Millionaire Matchmaker tomorrow—as well as The Situation, who I'm dying to fix up."

Yes, really. Turns out, Patti sees a sliver of herself in the Crocidilly cuddler. "Snooki is an interesting girl. She's desperate for love in a lot of ways, and I'm not trying to put her down, because I notice a lot of myself in her," P continues. "I'll fix her up. I'll do a mixer for The Situation and Snooki, have the rest of the cast be the judges. There’s the episode!"

And -- gasp! -- Patti doesn't want Snooki with an inked up Italian guy at all. "I think the guy needs be in his early thirties, be a businessman -- a lawyer, manager -- and someone who likes Italian women. Maybe an Irish Catholic -- that will push her back.”

Find out what Patti has to say about the Sammi and Ronnie rollercoaster at TheDailyBeast.com.

What Pattism do you think Ms. Stanger should share with Snooki? Tweet your favorite Pattism and let the world know.