If there’s one thing that Real Housewives know, it’s how to use their words. “The morally corrupt Faye Resnick,” “Gone with the wind fabulous,” and, of course, “Prostitution whore!” are just some examples of their verbal abilities. So when we read the colorful language of the Maryland sorority email heard round the interweb, we knew only one woman could truly capture its essence.
The Real Housewife of Orange County wordsmith, Tamra Barney, penmen of “Jesus Jugs” among many other fabulous turns of phrase, took our challenge to read the biting email and really showed us how it’s done. Yes, there have been other attempts. Michael Shannon puts in a pretty great performance over at Funny or Die, but when it comes to girl drama, he has nothing on this Bravoleb. <
Our favorite part? It might be when the word “asswipe” causes some confusion for this new gym owner. Tamra reading, “If you are a little …ass-whip? Ass-whip? Is that a word? Asswipe?” and her utter shock when she discovers its meaning is LITERALLY perfection.
Or maybe when she comments that this girl is so angry, “She might need to talk to Dr. V., maybe she can prescribe some medication for her.” Bravolebs to the rescue!
And of course, not to let anyone out-drama herself, Tamra adds her own little spin on the emails warning, “DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT’S EVENT” adding, “Did you hear that, Alexis? Don’t go, oh you already went, too late, right?” Oh yes, she went. And Tamra didn’t hesitate to kick Alexis Bellino out of her dinner party screaming, “Butt out?! You get the f--- out" No wonder Tamra's so good at this.
As Tamra says herself, “You know what Andy, you need to hire this girl, I dunno who she is, but she could be the Next Housewife of Maryland.” We'd like to see that Delta Gamma Reunion. Although this email is horrible, we repeat, HORRIBLE, we think our ‘Wives could take this self-righteous sorority girl any day.