The couple—and Mama Joyce!—reflect on his intense ultimatum.

on Feb 21 - The Dish0

Things reached a head in the latest emotional episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta when Kandi Burruss and fiancé Todd Tucker got into a serious discussion about Mama Joyce's controlling ways. Todd told a tearful Kandi that "Even for me, there's only a certain amount of time where I'm going to feel like, 'You know what, I love you, babe but we can be friends.'"

This week, Kandi, Todd and Mama Joyce all went on The View (and sat on one couch!) to set the record straight. After Mama Joyce listed some of her grievances with Todd, including the fact that he didn't have a job for a few months, Todd finally got a chance to respond directly to her. He explained how his career as a freelance producer meant that it was normal for him to sometimes be in between jobs. But he also addressed what caused him to give Kandi an ultimatum on the show.

"I think everyone has a breaking point," he said, referencing Joyce's unfounded accusations that he was cheating on Kandi. "You know, the lies, that stuff is really tough. I have a mom and it affects my mother, it affects my daughter. It affects Kandi's daughter."

Still, it doesn't look like he's really ready to leave our favorite record producer anytime soon. And maybe the mediated sit-down with Sherri Shepherd, Whoopi Goldberg, and Jerry O'Connell will ultimately help him and Joyce to put aside their differences for Kandi's sake.

What did you think of Todd's ultimatum? Was it fair? Sound off in the comments.

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64 comments
jaxdfax
jaxdfax

It wasn't a threat. I feel that he was telling Kandi truthfully how he was feeling. No one wants to feel attacked and berated in his own home.. He has kids and family that has to also endure this foolishness from Kandi's mom. It was 411. Paying to set him up put it into a different category. Long handed spoon.

jaxdfax
jaxdfax

Todd has every right to feel that way. Calling Kandi's Mom names isn't the answer. I think Kandi needs to strike a balance between respect and boundaries. And I think a professional could help her. If she is open to it


. And if she is not she needs to break up until she and he Mom can decide on a spouse.

Oxford
Oxford

This is what the 36,000 comment that I've posted. I know Kandi that you love your mother and no on but you and many others know how it affects the family to have a sibling pass away. Been there done that.

But, your Mother is absolutely Coo Coo. You have to make a decision right now. Stay with your Ma Ma or marry Todd. Because your mother will never accept you two and he tension will only get greater.


Believe it or not you are not the only person in the whole wide world to deal with this. Trying to placate my mother while trying to marry my husband and yes my big brother had been hit by a train.


We eloped that was over 27 years ago. My Dad was great but it took about 2 years before my mother came around. Who's love and happiness are you living for? Good or bad your Mom will always be your Mom but how much longer do you think your boyfriend needs to consider the abuse. And yes what your Mom throws out gossip and abuse that not only hurts you but also Todd reputation.


You are lucky to have such a understanding man, If it was me with my spouse. Bye bye baby!


He's even cancelling jobs for you what more do you need that he really loves you?


maskedblogger
maskedblogger

Kandi needs to grow up and tell her Mom to buzz off.  All she ever does is kiss her Mom's butt no matter how rotten she is to Kandi and Todd and anyone connected to Kandi.  Mama Joyce is toxic, Kandi needs to realize that.  Maybe if she removes herself from Mama for a while, it will sink in to Joyce and she'll change her nasty, snotty ways.

DallasDiva65
DallasDiva65

For goodness sake - Just break up already.  It's ridiculous!

kimmie10
kimmie10

I strongly agree with Todd. One can only take so much for so long. Kandi can't make her mother like/love her mate but just as she wants her mate to respect her mother, she should want the same from her mom. I can't figure out how in the world Kandi wasn't totally upset when she learned about the set up that her mom wanted to have done to Todd. She has to stand up to her mother concerning her relationship. Not taking a stand with her mom will not make the problem go away; well it would if Todd walks away.


Basically, Kandi needs to put herself in his shoes and think about how she would feel and how she would think he should stick up for her and their relationship with is mother. Of course her mother will be ride or die for her because she wants what she is saying Todd wants from Kandi... HER $$$... Ms. Joyce is putting her wants above her daughter's. As a mother, you may not like the person your child brings home but you should give them room to be an adult and allow the chips to fall where they may (ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR CHILD IS NOT LIVING UNDER YOUR ROOF AND ISN'T DEPENDANT ON YOU FOR SUPPORT). I am sure she wouldn't drop a guy if Kandi didn't like him. Her response would be something similar to " I am grown. You have your life and I have mine".


Get to know a person before you dislike him/her. This negativity does affect other people in the family just as Todd stated. Mama Joyce should be there for her daughter. I suppose if Todd became a millionaire overnight, then mama Joyce will become his biggest supporter and tell Kandi to run to the alter. Everything cannot be about money. Not all people with money have a successful relationship.


Get a life mama Joyce and stop trying to run Kandi's. Kandi, grow a back bone and STOP ALL OF THAT CRYING!!! (Besides, those tears sure did dry up quickly once you realized Todd and Carmen were not feeding into it). Cynthia told you best when she said if you allow this foolishness to continue and not be firm, yet respectful of your mom, Todd will leave. EVERYONE has a breaking point and the set up that your mother wanted to have done would have been it for me!! You want Todd to be ride or die for some disrespectful stuff.


You can put your foot down with your mother concerning your relationship and be respectful. TRUST...

Corazon4u
Corazon4u

You should and you do love your mom. Yet your mother needs to know her boundaries and respect your feelings and your decisions. I think your mom may need to be into some serious counseling? You're going to lose Todd if you don't put your foot down with you mom. As long as she gets away from acting the way she does and you do nothing about it eventually Todd will leave. A person can only take so much abuse. Open your eyes girl! 

Tazeda
Tazeda

Kandi, I also think you should be a friend to Phaedra and tell her to just stop making comments about Kenya; makes her look really insecure. 

Tazeda
Tazeda

I think Kandi at least needs to tell her mom that it hurts her when she does this.  Secondly, I don't see anything wrong with Todd being selective about who he dates/marries.  Where would society be, if MEN, would be more selective about who they date, have children with or marry?  Lastly, I don't think Todd and Carmen had anything going, but I do think they talk about Kandi's and Mama Joyce's relationship behind eveyone's back.

Maggietish
Maggietish

Kandi, Everyone sees that you're not treating Todd or your friends with any respect al all.  You may choose to allow your Mother to run your life, but you are inflicting this woman on all of them and then you act is if they're wrong when they object to her disrespecting them.  Grow up!  You were a terrible sport at Cynthia's Bowl. For God sakes Kandi stop making all those awful faces - you look like a fool when you do that and you do it all the time.  Stop judging Nene - she can sit where she wants.  You still have that screwed up mindset about Nene that you got from Kim.  Get a mind of your own.

phillyz
phillyz

Looks like your mom is going nuts again, Kandi.  You are grown and shouldnt have to put up with all this craziness from her.  Going around threatening people like an old thug.  I think eventually someone may get fed up and deck her. 

demathamom11
demathamom11

It's true that Kandi has money but does she really have enough money for Todd to continue to take her mother's abuse. Everyone has a breaking point. If money is what he 's after there are plenty  of rich single women in he world.

Angelika10
Angelika10

There is respecting one's mother and there is lying down and becoming a door mat.  She needs to choose which one fits her life….I do not see how it is her business who her daughter chooses.  I think Kandi really needs to grow up.

BeWiseNotFoolish
BeWiseNotFoolish

Mariah Carey didn't settle when she married Nick Cannon.Jada Pinkett didn't settle when she married Will Smith.Beyoncé didn't settle when she married Jay Z.Kim Kardashian didn't settle for less than Kanye West.Omarosa didn't settle for less than Michael Clarke Duncan (before he sadly passed).Tiny didn't settle for less than T.I.Gabrielle Union didn't settle for less than Dwayne Wade.All of these women with their successful empires didn't settle for a guy no one ever heard of.  Kandi's mother has enough money to last her entire life, that's not the issue.They are plenty of men in the industry that Kandi could choose from.Everyone celebrated "black love" when Cynthia married Peter and look at the end result.Kandi should marry a man who's financially aligned with her, that's the point her mother is trying to make.It's easy to dress up, show up for a wedding, and get married.But, it's hard as who knows what to get divorced when true selves act ugly and assets are involved - ask Bethenny Frankel.As far as Carmon, look what happened to Tina Campbell from 'Mary Mary'.Her husband cheated on her with her best girl "friend".

Oxford
Oxford

When I got married over 25 years ago before the wedding my mother sat me down (we were very close) and explained to me that my new hubby should come 1st, babies 2nd and my parents 3rd.


I think Joyce has some sort of bi-polar disorder that could have been triggered when she lost her son.


My family also lost my oldest brother who was hit by a train. I wasn't aware how close it came that my other brother and I were put into foster care.


My Mom totally fell apart and started drinking, i's funny my best girl friends mother was also an alcoholic and we use to tell each other where our Mom's hid their booze.


My Dad was an alcoholic long before my brother passed . I remember people carrying him into our home crying but that Chuck was dead. Wrong brother.


Since that Day my Brother and Dad never reconciled he was only 12. My Dad would show up drunk to take his little league team to a game and the other fathers talked him out of it. My Dad couldn't be happier. He go to go back home and drink.


Even though all this and a lot of help from professionals not once did my Dad treat my future hubby the same way that Joyce treats Kandi. He hated him. In fact we were moving out of state and stopped by to see my father on our way. To spend the night. The minute we got there he went into my hubby, claiming he was  dead beat and how he could take me away from him. Well we jumped backing into the U-Haul and also our car that I was driving and drove out. I didn't call him for 2 days. When I reached my brother he told me that my father was so upset and so sorry about the way he treated us. He never did it again!


Kandi the only offer I can give you is that you need to cut your mother out of your life. I know you feel guilty but until that happens it will never end.


I remember the dinner you had with your Mom and Todd and your Mom complained there were no pictures of her hanging up in your home yet. Then she started to scold you stating that you were not a grateful child and her needs have to come before anyone else's. I know the guilt you feel.


Remember your mother and her crazy sisters will get over it and if they don't that is their loss not yours. I would probably reach out to your Mom one more time tell her the ground rules and if that is not enough for her you need to let her go. I know it will be difficult and hard an with your Mom who knows what story she'll tell but, you need for once in your life think about you. Your well being, your needs, Riley, Todd before you lose your happily every after.


From someone who's been there, done that

Angelika10
Angelika10

Kandi needs to decide if she is a child or an adult.  Her mother is very rude and quite controlling. I actually feel sorry for Todd.  He appears to be very tolerant of people without manners. But of course..everyone has a breaking point.

Ddark256
Ddark256

I think mama Joyce needs to date, because she has too much time on her hands if she was in a relationship she wouldn't be so concerned with kandi and Todd's relationship. Everybody is going to go through something in a relationship, she can't control what's going to happen, but kandi is a smart enough female to know when it's time to leave, let her live her life, just be there for her when she does need it. I actually feel sorry for Todd, mama Joyce is putting too much unnecessary stress and negativity on this relationship, if he's not the one, time will reveal that. She is only going to drive a wedge between her and kandi or make kandi unhappy by making her lose something that's important to her.

sugar0102
sugar0102

Kandi, please be serious about getting help in regard to your mother because you don't want your daughter to suffer the same issues when it's time for her to marry someone.

RocknRoyal
RocknRoyal

I don't think Momma Joyce wants Kandi with anybody.

I wonder if Kandi was broke if she would be so overly protective?

 Momma Joyce seems to be only concerned with the men in Kandi's life taking her money.

 Doesn't she think her daughter is capable of having a man love her for her? 

Kandi is a strong attractive woman with lots of talent and success, to imply anyone is after anything else is insulting to Kandi, especially coming from her mother.

BLKHEBREW
BLKHEBREW

I do not feel that Todd had the right to give Kandi an ultimatum. If he really loves Kandi like he says he does then nothing or no one would be able to come between that. I feel that Momma Joyce is right about him and Carmon and that is why Todd and Carmon are trying to double team Kandi regarding this matter. I do not get good vibes with Carmon and feel that she and Todd has messed around. Kandi you need to get that woman out of your life and out of your house and kick Todd to the curb. 

bravolover123
bravolover123

Of course it was fair. I believe the most faithful, loving partner gets to a point where you wonder how much more you can take without beginning to doubt the relationship. Joyce is not just voicing her opinion as a mother, she is being nasty and not caring about anybody else's feelings, even her daughter's. Even in a worst case scenario that any of her accusations were true, she is behaving very out of control, and with little class I may add. She is not behaving like a caring mother towards Kandi showing concern for her feelings.  She is just as mad at Kandi for "choosing sides" which shows her true colors.  She wants all of Kandy's attention and MONEY.

chachame
chachame

Khandi girl I love you, you crack me up! you keep it all the way 100 girl with a straight face.  When you talked about NeNe and how territorial she is, you were dead on.  I like you because you don't have a problem keeping it real and saying it to whomever, where ever, and for the record had the Bailey Games been more organized I believe your team would have won.

EloiseM
EloiseM

Such a lovely and loving couple.  They are going to make a great blended family.  I hope Kandi gets the HELP she needs to see the correct way to deal with her mother.  The scriptures tells all children to HONOR their parents NOT to take abuse from them.  Honoring them simple means to value them.  it does not tell the children to tolerate mental, physical or emotional abuse from them.  If your Mother told you to jump off a cliff; would your so-called respect for her cause you to jump?. Of course NOT.  Why demanding that your mother or ANYONE show you and your household  proper respect at all times JUST AS YOU SHOW THEM  is so HARD for you to do is really beyond my comprehension. I am anxious to see how you overcome your situation. Now would be a very good time to seek  Leake's advice.

Jackie_Jax
Jackie_Jax

Kandi you can stil respect your Momma and check her at the same time. I totally understand the respect part, however, u will alone if you keep allowing her to tear your relationships apart like this. Its like she has nothing to do but sabbotage your relationships. Todd is a strong dude to keep putting up with this. Yall look so good together and I can tell yall are in love for real. Don't mess this up Kandi...STAY STRONG!

nabtl
nabtl

I can understand how Kandi doesn't want to disrespect her mother but enough is enough. Kandi needs to let her mother know she is going to be with Todd and nothing she does will end it. Allow Kandi to make her own mistakes, who was stopping mama Joyce from making her own mistakes. Wasnt she married 3 times. 

zorbaez
zorbaez

Kandi, glad to hear you are thinking about seeking counseling.  It is sometimes needed to have a person who does not know you or your situation to give you an objective view  on things.  Life sometimes builds up so much that we become clouded in our thinking.  If you don't do this, I am afraid you will end up a very lonely lady.  And that would be sad.

chachame
chachame

I applaud Whoopi Goldberg for keeping it all the way real with Mamma Joyce, if it's a mistake, let her make it. 

aneet.nospmas
aneet.nospmas

Mama Joyce has been brainwashing Kandi about the perils of everybody wanting Kandi for her money, since Kandi became successful.  all of the things Mama Joyce says was a part of Kandi's youth, straight on into adulthood, that's why it seems so normal to Kandi.  and even though Kandi knows it isn't healthy anymore, it's hard for her to shake that monkey Mama Joyce placed on her back years ago.  part of Kandi can't help but wonder if Todd might be using her, because she's been conditioned to think that way.  it's really sad to watch because Kandi really doesn't see what should be the cut off point of Mama Joyce's influence in her life.  


Mama Joyce is an old bird from the old school.  there was no such thing as biting your tongue back in her day.  you said what the heck was on your mind back then, and if somebody didn't like it, oh well.  she's grounded in her ways and no one is going to change that.  I'm not even sure counseling would sway Mama Joyce.  that's how bad it is.

mtrae9
mtrae9

I know Kandi loves her mother and doesn't want to hurt her, but enough is enough.  Your Mom has quilted you into not wanting to go against her mother, but Kandi, you are a grown woman and should be making decisions based on what you want and not what your mother wants.  She loves you, so even if you do go against her, she will be there for you in the end.  If not, not is not motherly love....that is control.

Portann
Portann

Good God, Kandi, put on your big girl pants. Your not a little girl being abandoned; your an adult with adult relationships, and adults know how to draw boundaries around unacceptable behavior. Your mama is shady. The fact she wants to set Todd up only attests to the fact that she has NOTHING on him. The umbilical cord may not be severed between you and your mama, however you have no right to expect anyone else tolerate her violent, crazytown behavior. Love would be showing you respect. Don't get it twisted. 

chachame
chachame

I do feel bad that Todd's mother and daughter have to watch this continual abuse Todd is experiencing but Todd is an opportunist.  I'm sorry, it's so obvious. Mamma Joyce need to stay out of the way and let Todd expose himself, trust it will happen

neenee@53
neenee@53

Yes it was fair.  Her mom had not evidence of Todd cheating, maybe if she had a life, she could let her daughter live hers.  I think parents need to stay out of grown children's affairs/business, unless they are asked for there opinion.

Georgiapeach0866
Georgiapeach0866

I think mama Joyce should let Kandi handle her relationship. It's Kand's business

Jojo2
Jojo2

It is admirable the way Kandi respects her mama, but lets get real, mama joyce is more than off the chain, she is off the rocker and could use some counseling right about now. Im sorry miss kandi but Todd is a keeper.

BeWiseNotFoolish
BeWiseNotFoolish

@Oxford Did Todd 'cancel' jobs or did the projects (which he were never specific about) never come to fruition? 

InezL
InezL

@kimmie10

Honestly, I believe Mama Joyce is giving Todd a hard time, because she didn't move with Todd and Kandi in the new house.  For me, that's just too much control that Mama Joyce have over Kandi and she does it with manipulation.  Not Good!!

Kandi, I know you respect your mom's opinion, however it's your life you have to live without the influences from anyone.  Believe me there were some questionable ones my child brought home to met me, however I let them figure out their way, without any influences.  It's just a part of LIFE!!  Beside, if Mama Joyce successful break-up this engagement, it will give her more power to interfere with future relationships.

whymoi
whymoi

@Oxford I don't know how old you are, but you are wise beyond your years.

I do hope that Kandi reads your post because it is insightful, thoughtful and without judgement.

BeWiseNotFoolish
BeWiseNotFoolish

@Oxford Telling your story in a public forum was very courageous and I could feel your pain as I read your post.  Your family has endured a lot and I hope the best for you and your loved ones. 

You mentioned how your dad never treated your future hubby like Kandi's mother does to Todd.  

Women and their children are far different than men and their children for a number of reasons. 

A man will never know what it's like to get pregnant, feel a life grow on the inside them, nourish and protect that life for nine months, and ultimately be the source of bringing a life into this world.  A woman and her fetus is one from the time she is impregnated in the most profound way that men will never understand.  The baby feels everything that the mother feels because they are one, but the father is on the outside looking in. 

Women are the hearts of families.  Their emotions and feelings makes them innate nurturers, but men  learn to care about their children through experience.  It doesn't mean they love their children any less, it's just not 'automatic' like it is for women.  The way men care about someone is far different than the way women care about their children.  Men tend to physically provide, while women lovingly provide.

Sometimes you'll see or hear about a father meeting his daughter's boyfriend for the first time, dad gives him the "don't mess with my daughter or I'll mess with you" talk, dad talks about keeping a shot gun close to the door, or he shows the boyfriend his gun collection, and that's it.  Seldom will you see men hoot and holler like a woman about their daughter.  The same emotional connection the daughter has with the mother isn't there and men aren't dramatic like that.  They say how they feel, make sure it's understood, and what happens from there is on the other person because the man already said what he needed to say. 

Kandi isn't going to cut her mother out of her life.  Kandi is the woman she is today because of her mother, and I appreciate and applaud her mother's efforts.  Kandi has an undying loyalty to her mother.  That's seldom seen these days. 

Kandi's mother want her daughter to be happy, with the man who's worthy of her.  I don't agree with Miss Joyce's actions, but she is who she is.

Kandi will more than likely marry Todd, and let's see what happens from there.

Game Know Game.

Nancyright
Nancyright

@BLKHEBREW

I feel the same way and I agree with every word u said. My view is that Carmen is steering the pot there. I think that both of them, Todd and Carmen are doing a job here to put a hand on her money. This observation is much before I watched the episode with the ultimatum. It is sad that Kandi can’t see that. Kandi mom is so right!!

BeWiseNotFoolish
BeWiseNotFoolish

@BLKHEBREW

A man telling a woman "I'm taking it one day at a time" and "yeah, leaving you is my option" is an ultimatum.Kandi needs to stop howling with tears every time he use those scare tactics.A man will do anything humanely possible to prove his love to keep his woman, and there's no Mama Joyce or demon from the pits of heck that would keep him away from her.I haven't seen any love Todd has for Kandi; I've seen them hugged up and lying in bed, but that's it.Kandi isn't going to jeopardize her relationship with her mother when she knows Toddcould be here today and gone tomorrow, or he'll pull a 'Peter' - marry Kandi and spend her money like it's his.Men come and go every minute of the day, but your mother who protected you when you couldn't fend for yourself is your mother for LIFE.Mama Joyce wants Kandi to be happy just like the next loving and concerned mother.

BeWiseNotFoolish
BeWiseNotFoolish

@BLKHEBREW I'm with you on that. Girlfriend for life or not, Carmon doesn't have any business living with Kandi and she shouldn't want to be around Todd.  Todd mentions Carmon's son more than he mentions Kandi's daughter.  Todd needs Kandi more than she'll ever need him. 

whymoi
whymoi

@BLKHEBREW I don't remember Todd giving Kandi an ultimatum...I think both he and Carmon suggested that she seek professional help to deal with her "mama issues."

And you suggest that if Todd loves Kandi "like he says he does," that nothing or no one could come between them?  Well, that works BOTH ways:  If Kandi loves Todd the way she says she does, SHE would not let anything come between their relationship! And, God knows, she would never let a person she loves to be verbally abused and disrespected. Betcha' she'd never let Todd's mother disrespect her in the manner that her mother is disrespectful to him.

As far as Carmon and Todd hooking-up?  Who knows, and who really cares at this point? These are "grown folks." Let them sort it out.

Whether it's Todd or someone else who comes into Kandi's life, if Mama Joyce is not happy, NO ONE will be happy.

rachie13
rachie13

@Portann  It should say: "You're," not a little girl being abandoned. " YOU'RE an adult. NOT YOUR.

sugar0102
sugar0102

@chachame  I think it is silly for people to throw around the word "opportunist" they way they do. None of us know what Todd and Kandi really have with each other and it is not our place to judge either one of them.

BeWiseNotFoolish
BeWiseNotFoolish

@Jojo2 You're more than welcome to connect with Todd or introduce him to some of your lady relatives or girlfriends if you think he's a "keeper".  What's the present or past relationship history that Todd has (or not) with HIS daughter.  A man's level of involvement with his children speaks a lot about his character.  Todd stuttered and looked uncomfortable when Andy asked about his daughter and if he ever married his daughter's mother.

linda.linda
linda.linda

@whymoi @BLKHEBREW I think mama Joyce has a right to protect her daughter's interests. Kandi is a very successful woman and her mother is trying to be there for her any way she knows how. we may not like her methods but she'll be there for her daughter no-matter what. Kandi has been taken advantage of before, one example I can think of is Kim Zolciak. I trust mama Joyce's intentions and I hope Kandi will be more open minded to the idea that just maybe, Todd may not be the best person for her and that his interests are misplaced. I wouldn't put all my trust in Carmen either. No good friend should tell you to tell your mom to not get involved in your life. you cannot ask a mother that.

chachame
chachame

@sugar0102 the word opportunist is not being thrown around.  He has a known past for only dealing with women who can further him to the next level, which I believe because you saw his face when he was confronted with it? and not only that but he pulled out of Khandi's play when he did SEE anything coming together at first, then when she started name dropping and took him to the venue all of a sudden he wanted to be back on board helping with the play.  Bottom line, if it does not benefit Todd, he's not interested.

BeWiseNotFoolish
BeWiseNotFoolish

@Angelika10 The writing about Todd is clear with ME, I'm not sure who your "we" consists of.  Certain indicators are apparent to seasoned individuals.  How many times did girlfriends or lady family members try to warn their female relatives that the dude they were dating was up to no good, she married him, all heck broke lose, and she wished she would've listened.  It's no secret that most black women are idiots and throw their self-esteem out of the window when it comes to men.  Most black women can't think straight when they're involved, and they'll tolerate being with a piece of a man because they want to shine or out-do the next woman.  I have NEVER seen Todd show Kandi an unsolicited show of LOVE.