There Is a Secret To Great Sex In Long-term Relationships...And It's Not Role Play

It is possible to keep the spark for many, many years. 

No role play needed. While getting freaky in the bedroom may seem like the answer for couples who have reached a boring sex stage of their relationship, a new study says you can get crazy all you want—the real way to keep sex hot over the years is by meeting your partner’s emotional needs. 

One noted psychology professor, Gurit E Birnbaum, published a study in the American Psychological Association Journal, and discovered that ultimately, being responsive and empathetic actually spiced things up for many long-term couples. 

“Sexual desire tends to subside gradually over time, with many couples failing to maintain desire in their long-term relationships. Three studies employed complementary methodologies to examine whether partner responsiveness, an intimacy-building behavior, could instill desire for one’s partner,” reports the study.

Researchers conducted three experiments on couples to see what factors affect sexual desire.

In the first, 153 couples revealed a positive or negative experience with their partner. After they said what it was, they were asked to explain how compassionate their partner was and if they felt like getting it on after the experience. In that experiment, men’s interest in interest in sex remained the same, whether their experience was a negative one where their partner was unresponsive. Of course it did. 

On the other hand, women wanted to get hot and heavy when their guy proved he was listening and not tuning out. Didn’t need the study for that one. 

In the second case, both sexes proved they were more turned on when the other told a happy story that connected the couple. Complaining was a turn off. 

The final experiment had 100 couples keep a journal of their nights together for six weeks and how they felt each evening. Both the men and women felt better if their partner was active in the conversation.  

“Overall, responsiveness was associated with increased desire, but more strongly in women,” reports the study. “Feeling special and perceived partner mate value explained the responsiveness–desire link, suggesting that responsive partners were seen as making one feel valued as well as better potential mates for anyone and thus as more sexually desirable.”

Simply put? If you listen fully and aren’t passive, you’ll get some. 

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