Toddlers. At times, they can be the sweetest, cutest, cuddliest beings on the planet. But any parent can tell you all that cuteness is actually a survival mechanism. Because when they are not being cute they spend most of their time throwing tantrums or (worse) saying truly horrible things to us.
Just today, I went in to give my precious two-year-old son a hug and he refused, telling me, “No, I don’t love you, Mommy. I only love Daddy.” (It’s days like this when our dog gets lots of extra hugs.)
Thankfully I know I am not alone. Two, three, and four-year-olds are notorious for saying not only the darndest, but the meanest things.
From body-shaming and death threats to words of guilt and downright cruel comments, moms share some of the hilariously mean things their toddlers have ever said them.
We were in a store and my son once yelled, “You’re not my real mother!” It was because I wouldn't let him punch the punching bags. —Courtney
My daughter told me, when she was about three: "You're the baddest, yuckiest mommy on all the seven continents!" —Lydia
My four-year-old son was in the bathroom with me one morning as I got ready and he said "something in here smells bad." I agreed and said I thought it was the shower curtain, which I don't wash often enough. "I think it's that," he said, pointing at my general crotch area. For the record, I had JUST SHOWERED. IT WAS THE SHOWER CURTAIN! —Grace
This morning my coffee cup leaked all over the car, so I said, "oh no!" And my two-year-old daughter cackled from the backseat and said, "I'm laughing at Mommy." —Mari
My 4-year-old tried to pop out from behind a door to scare me while I was curling my hair. When I didn't scream she was mad at me. I asked why she wanted to scare me while I was holding the hot iron. She said "I wanted you to catch on fire so I could go to Wal-Mart and buy all the toys I wanted.” —Emma
Two weeks ago, my three-year-old crawled into my bed at 5:30 a.m. and put her head on my pillow. When I opened my eyes and looked at her she said, "You smell like beans." —Amy
Me: “I love you.”
My son: [beat] “I don't love you. I think I just like you.” —Courtney
I told my two-year-old "no" the other day and she started throwing a tantrum on the floor. My husband came in and asked her if she was OK. She looked him in the eye and says "mama hit me." —Alison
My angry four-year-old drew me in a "pretty dress because you like to always wear pants!!" —Elizabeth
My oldest was three when she told me that I was, "meaner than the Queen of Mean Town." I don't remember why, but I suspect it had something to do with me not letting her eat cake for breakfast or draw on the walls. —Kari
"I wish you'd never been born so I'd never been born."
"I'm going to bite your face off."
"Mother you're UNSPEAKABLE."
"Stop talking I never want to hear your whiny voice again."
All my daughter, aged three. —Kate
“Mommy, I don't like your singing. Please be quiet now.” —Sarah
On her first day of Montessori school, I was kissing my three-year-old goodbye when she interrupted me, saying (in an exasperated tone), "Mom, can you please leave?" —Carrie
When she was five, my daughter said she was going to chop me up and feed me to my own carnivorous pitcher plants. —Amanda
“I'm losing time with you.” My daughter told me this when she was four and I started working again part-time. Such a punch to the gut. —Rachel
"I don't love you anymore." This from the three-year-old kiddo who is attached to my leg constantly.
I'll try to whisper-sing "You Are My Sunshine" to my two-year-old and I get up to "You Are M--" before his little pointer finger is across his lips and he says, "Shhhhh"! —Karen
Just this morning, as I was grabbing Advil, my three year old said, "Whoa! Mama, your belly looks big. Really big. Like big enough for a baby to be in there." Not intentional, but possibly the meanest thing anyone has ever said to my face. —Amanda
When my three-year-old wailed, “I don't Yike (like) you!” —Judy
After a long, long day at a kid's fair alone with my daughter, I was a crumpled heap on the kitchen floor. She asked what was wrong and I told her I was tired and frustrated because we had a hard afternoon together. She crossed her arms and said, "Well, if you get frustrated so easy, maybe you shouldn't have had kids!" She was almost four. —Stephanie
My five-year-old told me, "I'm SO mad at you, mama. I'm going to squeeze my body SO hard that all the kisses you ever gave me will get out of my body & fly out my bottom!” —Em
My three-year-old just told me, “I DIDN'T ACTUALLY STEAL YOUR SOUL. I WAS JUST KIDDING” and I felt much better. —Sarah
When my 3-year-old said, "I don't want to be your best friend any more.” —Julian
When my little one was potty training, she walked to the bathroom door, looked me dead in the eye, and peed on the hallway floor. —Terri
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