This man is in a pickle.
“I haven’t had sex with my wife since my youngest daughter’s birth six years ago. This is due, in part, to me. After the birth, I tried assisting my wife with her weight-loss efforts, but she ignored my advice,” he said. “I got fed up and avoided intercourse. I realize that my approach was not a good one and I have been making efforts for the past two years to go back to normal, but she is always running away.”
U.S. based psychotherapist Pamela Stephenson Connolly specializes in sex and penned a reply to the man, saying it will take time to work it out.
“You will have to be patient. It takes time to regain trust and overcome the pain of rejection. Your wife is pushing you away as a self-protective measure. She is still hurt by your punishing approach and needs substantial reassurance that it will never happen again. She also needs reassurance that you truly appreciate her, including her physical appearance.
“You have learned that sex should never be used as a weapon. Your best option is to sit down and talk to your wife. Apologize sincerely, and ask what you can do to gain her trust. Ask her to express her own feelings about being physically close to you, and listen very carefully without interruption, defensiveness or turning blame back on her. She needs to feel safe with you again or she will never be comfortable with intimacy. Without proper conflict-resolution, relationships deteriorate into unhealthy patterns of avoidance, passive-aggression, escape, impasse, or a cold war—none of which can coexist with healthy lovemaking.”
Commenters weighed in on the topic, with one saying to be supportive.
“In case there are any other men (or women) out there whose partners have recently had a baby and 'let themselves go', a good piece of advice for getting people to lose weight is... don't give advice, give support,” the commenter wrote.
“Did you just not fancy her or were you trying to punish her?” asked another, “If the former ok, explain that. If the latter she should run for the hills.”
And one summed it up with, “Some men seem to think that a woman's body shouldn't change one iota after pushing a nine pound infant out of it. They really are that stupid.”
Personal Space is Bravo's home for all things "relationships," from romance to friendships to family to co-workers. Ready for a commitment? Then Like us on Facebook to stay connected to our daily updates.