Beyond Bravo

Here's What To Do When Your Two Good Friends Hate Each Other

You like them both for different reasons, but they despise each other. 

It’s such an uncomfortable situation when two of the close friends in your group hate each other (hello, Bethenny and LuAnn). You love them both, but they want to rip each other’s hair out—and you have to be around it.

How do you deal with the situation if you don’t see them reconciling any time soon?

The Protocol School of Palm Beach founder Jacqueline Whitmore says obviously don’t talk smack about either of them to either of them if you don’t want to make it worse. 

“Don’t talk negatively about either friend,” she says. “This will only add fuel to the fire. If one friend brings up the other, try to be as brief as possible and/or change the subject altogether.”

The Real Housewives of New York could have used that advice in the Berkshires. 

Jacqueline also gives surprising advice on not pushing the two friends to be friends with each other. If they hate each other, let them.

“Don’t stir the pot, “ she says. “You may say something like, ‘I wish the two of you would just get along. It would make me so happy. But since you don’t, let’s drop the subject.’ You can’t make anyone get along. That is their decision.”

If you are forced to witness your two pals with claws out in the same room, like at your own home, they are the ones who need to control their own behavior. 

“If you invite both of your friends to your party, they should be adult enough to attend and put their feelings aside for the sake of your friendship,” Jacqueline says. “They can be cordial without being overly friendly. If they can’t be cordial to one another, they can just ignore each other and talk to those they know or want to know. “

Jacqueline says it’s ultimately up to the friends to respect the mutual friend and go dislike each other in private. If they both truly care about keeping the mutual friend, they can silently fume all they want. Just shut up about it. 

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