How many times are we going to believe the headlines? Do we really believe them? Or do we just want to believe them?
Week after week, there she is, America’s sweetheart, Jennifer Aniston, smiling on the cover, with huge font blaring the news: “Finally A Baby!” “Pregnant at 40!” “A Baby On My Own!” “Having John’s Baby…Now It’s My Turn!” “Yes! I Am Having a Baby!” “A Baby For Jen!” “Aniston’s Shocking News: I’m Having a Baby!” “Jen’s Shock Pregnancy” “Jen: Pregnant and Alone!” “World Exclusive: Wedding and a Baby!” “Jen: Pregnant Bride” “Jen Looks Pregnant” “Jen’s Pregnant!” “Jen: I’m Pregnant With Twins!”
Exhausted yet? Imagine Jen. If we were her, just for kicks we’d frame them, dedicate a hallway in the manse, and line them up for guests to laugh at.
Just last week, while Jen and her husband Justin Theroux vacationed in the Bahamas, the paparazzi found our girl after a big lunch and the same tabloids declared she was having a “miracle baby” at 47-years-old. Her rep, who’s been asked the question thousands of times, even released a statement saying the actress had enjoyed a huge lunch. At her age, it’s certainly not impossible to be pregnant, but what if she’s simply not interested?
Why are we constantly forcing pregnancies on her? We don’t know her circumstances. Maybe she is trying. Perhaps she isn’t interested in having a baby at this point. After all, she has said over and over again that she has mothered many things, including rescue dogs. She also seems happy and healthy.
Yet, according to the public, she’s been pregnant for years—which by this point we all have to admit, makes no sense. Do we all forget when she’s pregnant, then a month later, is pregnant yet again? Science, people.
Since the Brad Pitt days, we’ve been excited for her impending motherhood, sometimes she even has names (for her twins!) picked out. Does she have them and send them off to farms? How does she hide a nine month baby bump? Why are we obsessed with the status of her womb? So many questions.
It’s human nature, we want to see her happy. And, according to the human cycle of birth, growth, adulthood, and marriage…kids should naturally come next. And Jennifer’s not following the plan we keep forcing on her. Why is she being so stubborn? Kidding, do your thing, girl.
According to author Jo Piazza, who penned Celebrity Inc.—How Famous People Make Money and the upcoming non-fiction How to Be Married, out in 2017, it really doesn’t matter what Jen’s real life consists of—we’re going to project whatever we want on her.
“It doesn't matter what Jennifer Aniston is like in real life or even what happens to her in real life as long as we can write her narrative,” Jo says. “Despite being an absurdly famous person who has nothing in common with the average person Jen has become the repository for every woman's hopes and fears.”
Jo adds that there was a specific point we can look back on when the baby madness started.
“Well she overcame most married women's worst nightmare—having your husband stolen by Angelina Jolie. That was the moment that clinched our obsessed with Team Jen,” she says. “But after that she represented all of our hopes and dreams. Would she find true love? Would she have a baby? And while America wanted those things for Jen, they also kind of love it when she doesn't get them. Because at the end of the day you can always tell yourself, at least I have a husband, at least I have a baby. Jennifer Aniston may be rich and beautiful and have the most perfect abs the world has ever seen but does she have those things?Now that she has the husband all that is left is the baby. And so this baby narrative will continue even if Jen never gets pregnant with a baby and not a burrito.”
Makes sense, right? We think she’s missing something, but maybe she’s perfectly happy and fulfilled.
And Jen herself has exhaustedly addressed the topic, again and again—usually when she has a movie to promote. Why not? It’s smart.
"This continually is said about me: that I was so career-driven and focused on myself; that I don't want to be a mother, and how selfish that is. Even saying it gets me a little tight in my throat," she said in an Allure cover story.
"Listen, that's a topic that's so exhausted. I get nervous around that, just because it's very personal. Who knows if it's going to happen? It's been a want. We're doing our best," she told The Hollywood Reporter.
"It's not something that's in our everyday life, quite honestly. It's more questions that arise in a red-carpet line or in an interview," she told People.
"I've said it so many times: I'm going to have children. I just know it," a "visibly irritated" Aniston told Vogue.
Wait, so she will get pregnant? When?
Sorry, we can’t help it.
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