You’re devastated. You found out your spouse has cheated. Whether they came clean or you discovered it on your own, you’ve end dup in the same place—with an unfaithful partner. But, you want to save your marriage. Maybe for the kids, maybe because you still love the person.
How do you move forward from infidelity and truly make your marriage work?
Relationship expert and Platinum Poire founder Rori Sassoon has counseled couples who have gone through this—and says a marriage can be saved with the right tools.
“Moving on successfully in a marriage after infidelity doesn’t have to be tricky,” she explains. “First, take the appropriate time to process your feelings; don’t make any rash decisions. Reflect on what brought you and your spouse together in the first place. What made you fall in love? Move forward with these thoughts in mind.”
Rori says to map out a future together, and understand that the cheating was about something that was missing. Figure out what that was and change it.
“Have a vision on how to rebuild your relationship,” she says. “Infidelity is almost always never about sex, but rather about intimacy and needs that aren’t being met. You need to rebuild that emotional connection that was once there.”
Also, you have to take a risk with your emotions.
“Become vulnerable. You have to give your partner the chance to draw close to you again, to recreate your team, your partnership,” Rori says.
And forget the details of the hookup.
“You don’t need to know the gory details; they will only haunt you,” she advises. “Keep the focus on a healthy relationship, not the affair or the past.
Frame the situation to get the relationship back on track. It’s not so much what you say, but how you say it. Focus on the solution that you seek.
At the end of the day, Megyn Kelly says it best, ‘Winners take responsibility and losers blame others.’”
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