Dog: The Justice of the Peace

Episode 5:'s Associate Editor talks dog weddings, dragon statues, and Dina Lohan.

Happy New Year's Roble fans. We rung in 2012 bigger and better than ever, with doggie nuptials and a medieval themed fete featuring a cameo by none other than the Lohan matriarch, Dina. Let's get right to it, shall we?

I Now Pronounce You Dog and Dog
I love dogs. I fully agree that "God Loves a Terrier." I see no problem with putting puppies in sartorially minded outfits or general pooch pomp and circumstance. But a dog wedding is something that even I start to wince out. Until I saw how truly, madly in love Harpo and Miss Carmen appeared. 

Just kidding, they looked completely unaware of their surroundings. But the good luck built up by not seeing the bride in her wedding dress at least paid it forward in what the dogs got to eat. Those steak and eggs, dad-gum! I love steak an eggs (it's a little delicious circle of life on a plate), and this looked better than what most brunch places dole out on a Sunday. The human eats didn't look bad either, but I probably would have made my dog split with me, or at least tried a bite of his meatballs while he wasn't looking. 

Livin' La Vida Lohan
There's not much about Sir Ivan's party that would have surprised me. The man is having a party to celebrate a gold statue of his girlfriend, gentleman certainly knows how to party. So when Dina Lohan arrived, I wasn't particularly surprised. I was however overjoyed!

Why did Dina think she was getting punk'd though? Was it something one of the ogres said? Was it because she wasn't being immortalized in bronze, semi-nude? Who knows? She was there and that makes me feel luckier than Ashton Kutcher!

Medieval Times
Not to go back into time, but on one of the slushiest days of 2011, I attended what might have been the best birthday party I've ever been to -- at Medieval Times. Yes, that's right. And you know what -- the food wasn't that bad. I ate that half a chicken, the garlic bread (Authentic? Who cares?), veggies of indeterminate origin, and crumbly piece of pie with my hands free without thinking twice, and figuring that a place who's main dining event is watching teenagers who need some extra cash act as knights on horseback can churn out some decants eats, I was really excited to see what Roble cooked up. 

And man did he not disappoint. The pig looked really spectacular, as did those wood fire roasted veggies. I've also never met a Yukon gold potato I didn't like. But I really, really would have adored to eat a piece of Kiku's tart. I love figs (it's a general adoration of old lady desserts that leads me to that path). Even if it was cut in slices, it looked like the delightfully rustic dish that peasants would have feasted on in fatter times. If I had gotten to sample it, maybe I would have poured a beer in my head in delight too.

Next week Bleezy takes on some Jersey ladies, and I have a feeling it's going to be trouble-town. I cannot wait!

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Che 'Gravy': Badderies Not Included

Roble's right-hand man explains the dynamic in the kitchen. How would you describe your role in Roble's kitchen?
CGG: Che 'Gravy' Gaines: I'm Bleezie's TCA. Trained Culinary Assasin. Are you concepting any dishes?
CGG: After Roblé meets with the client he comes directly to Bank$ and myself and we collectively conceptualize the dishes. This week we saw a bit of redemption with B. Scott. What was the pressure like on that event?
CGG: No pressure at all. The first event would have went off fine had they not had us jumping out the hotbox! What did you guys do differently this time?
CGG: Better venue without the electric boogie bootlegEmUps. ("EmUps is a suffix for "All the way turnt UP!") This episode was different in that the team had to create Deuces, Roble's pop-up restaurant. How did this change the team's process? How different was this then creating a catering experience?
CGG: Well, the catering business and the restaurant scene are two different worlds. With this pop-up restaurant, we were able to create and present dishes as courses and not these little cute bite sized morselEmUps. So the process was different in where we had to create a brigade and line up and bang the food out. Different from having food prepared and then passed in waves. Each course had to be timed and everybody had to get their food at the same time. I don't think Partie Artie understood that. We know restaurants; Partie knows Event Directing. There have been comments from other team members that Roble has been more strict this year — have you noticed a change?
CGG: Well, when running a company and branding a brand you have to be stern and diligent because you have to set a precedent. Your word is superior and everyone has to respect your authority when running a business. Everyone knows that. At the end of the day, Roblè loves his company, and he will do anything it takes to make it a success. It seems every episode someone is butting heads with Artie, and this week, you and him had some words over timing of the scallop dish. What's your take on that?
CGG: Everybody was happy and everyone was served, that's my take on that. Artie and Jasmine butted heads a bit on front-of-house stuff this season. Can you guys feel that tension at all in the kitchen?
CGG: To be honest with you, not at all. I didn't even know that stuff was going on until I watched the show. We just keep our nose down and do our thing in the kitchen; no time for the front of the house shenanigans. Could you feel the tension between Roble and Kiku this season? Roble and Dan?
CGG: Um yeah, Roblè and Kiku because I know that Roblè wants Kiku to be great. He could have gone the route of hiring badass pastry chef with tons of experience, but instead he went with his friend, who's very good at what she does but just not as experienced and molding her into becoming that badass pastry chef. With Roblé and Dan, who doesn't friggin want this guy? We were in Chicago one time, and I literally had to be his bodyguard in the club swerving through the crowd knocking off cruditè (Crudité: a plethora of Baddery Acid) (Baddery Acid: a hot female) like flies with a fly swatter! It was bananas in pajamas. You're quite vocal in the kitchen. How do you come up with those phrases?!
CGG: I think I was trapped in a warp machine as a kid and became very bored with the English language. People would always laugh at me when I say things but the next week in school, everyone's saying my words! LolEmUps. We see your adorable son this season on-air and in your Bank$ and Gravy webisode series — how often do you get to see him while you're helping Roble?
CGG: Well, not as much as i would like, but I think I'm gonna work on getting a nanny for Stinky Binky, so he can be around me more while I'm on set. He's getting older, now so he's gonna be wondering where's Daddy. Every off day while filming I was on a train to D.C. to spend time with my family. It's a hassle, but success takes We're loving Bank$ and Gravy! What is your relationship like with Adam? 
CGG: Me and Adam are like Shampoo and Conditioner. I mean, we're the modern-day Lethal Weapon. We're the extreme opposite, but we understand each other and we both have a history of culinary wave. I mean, just imagine graduating from The World Premier Culinary Institute of America and then go on to travel and work at some of the finest restaurants and establishments in the major cities and then come together to work for the same company with our comrade Chef Roblè. The amount of culinary knowledge and creative energy is abundant. Anything else you'd like to add?
CGG: Let the Crudy Juice drip and keep your BadderiesNotIncluded! 

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