Fun With Sorbet

Episode 2:'s Associate Editor ponders what's more fun, sorbet or sex toys?

Welcome back foodie fans.

This week Roblé dazzled us with not one but two amazing guests -- The Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss and Hassidic rapper Matisyahu. As someone who probably listened to "King Without a Crown" roughly 200 times during college, I was pretty excited about the second, particularly since I was super curious to see how Bleezie handled the myriad restrictions the 'Ya (is that his nickname, or would it just be Mat?) had. Also, how can you not be excited about a Kandi sex toy party? Let's recap.

Fun with Sorbet
So Roblé meets with Matisyahu and perhaps fibs a bit about his mastery of kosher food. Couple that with Ya's mother-in-law's numerous requests, and this party is going to be a doozie. A rabbi will be on hand at all times, as though this is a brisk (or some other religious event) to ensure the food's kosher (and also vegan, but that's just Matisyahu's choice). And Matisyahu has never had a party before, so don't ruin his first time at bat Bleezie. (That fact made me super sad. Have parties people! Parties are the best!) Don't fret, "We can have fun with sorbet." Can we Matisyahu? Can we?

And so the Rabbi-fication of Roblé’s meal begins. Roblé mentions that the load in to the kitchen is tougher than customs, and I agree with him and Adam. It was one body scan away from a trip to Paris via JFK. He can't even turn on the fire as a man not of the cloth! The mint must be watched individually. Then the kosher rental company's plates aren't exactly kosher -- as their coverd in hair. I had a major chuckle over the castara about "human DNA on all these plates," since obviously if tiny mint bugs aren't kosher these plates are not even close to cutting it.

But, after some plastic plates saved the day, the party was on point. I'm doing to have dreams about that mushroom salad for weeks. A kosher wine fight even erupts (for his first party this got cray pretty quick). They even pick Jasmine up in the chair. Good times!

No Sex in the Family Room
To break from the post-party download for a second, let's discuss sex toys -- surely to the chagrin of Roblé and Ché Gravy. I can't blame Roblé for maybe not wanting to hear about Jasmine's adventures in the land of battery-operated delights, but seriously these dudes were freaked.

I particularly appreciate Che's dissertation on what vibrators can't do for you. Why do I feel like he could be slipping little sheets of paper printed with that manifesto into all of the gift bags before this party is over? "Who you gonna talk to?!" And seeing how excited Kiku was when she finally got her gift bag was incredible. Who knows if she'll ever make it to work again.

A Fluster Cluck
Anyway, the Co. gets underway planning Kandi's party (even if Adam is more familiar with Fender guitars, classic rock, and aquariums). Adam apparently has a soul food background (obviously he's so soulful in his little shorts and flops), so he can prepares to make the collard greens of his life. I already trust him because he brought Roblé and Kiku to Gorilla Coffee, which is right near my apartment and delicious. If you're in the 'hood try the maple latte. However, be warned that the coffee smell in that place is intense. I've ruined many a bottle of water going in there and finding it has a strong odor of caffeine after leaving.

The food at this shindig looked particuarly ridiculous. Maybe it was because I'm Southern, or maybe it is just because I'm a meat eater with eyes, but I don't think I've wanted to eat something as badly as I've wanted to eat that duck mac and cheese in a long time. Then Roblé had some sexy peach push pops that were the perfect accompaniment to a burlesque dancer, even if Kandi hated it. . .

Yeah she didn't exactly love that burlesque dancer. As Shawn remarked, "this was on unhappy Housewife." You can't blame Jazz for wanting to find the a performance that "empowered woman" but that's not exactly Kandi's scene. Next time find a man that doesn't just "flap his ding-dong around" and maybe you'll please your client a little more. Jazz should have read the reservations in Kandi's face initially and held off, but hey you live and learn.

But the rest of the party was perfect -– especially since the waiters took their shirts off -- and since Adam's collards were worthy of Kandi's props. Yes, after letting "Situation Marination" do its thing, Adam's collards were a success. Adam was blushing a little bit. It just proves that those nerds can come out from behind the aquarium and learn something at any time.

Monday (yes, Monday, December 12) is another new episode with none other than Vanessa Williams! We decided not to make you wait, because we care!

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Che 'Gravy': Badderies Not Included

Roble's right-hand man explains the dynamic in the kitchen. How would you describe your role in Roble's kitchen?
CGG: Che 'Gravy' Gaines: I'm Bleezie's TCA. Trained Culinary Assasin. Are you concepting any dishes?
CGG: After Roblé meets with the client he comes directly to Bank$ and myself and we collectively conceptualize the dishes. This week we saw a bit of redemption with B. Scott. What was the pressure like on that event?
CGG: No pressure at all. The first event would have went off fine had they not had us jumping out the hotbox! What did you guys do differently this time?
CGG: Better venue without the electric boogie bootlegEmUps. ("EmUps is a suffix for "All the way turnt UP!") This episode was different in that the team had to create Deuces, Roble's pop-up restaurant. How did this change the team's process? How different was this then creating a catering experience?
CGG: Well, the catering business and the restaurant scene are two different worlds. With this pop-up restaurant, we were able to create and present dishes as courses and not these little cute bite sized morselEmUps. So the process was different in where we had to create a brigade and line up and bang the food out. Different from having food prepared and then passed in waves. Each course had to be timed and everybody had to get their food at the same time. I don't think Partie Artie understood that. We know restaurants; Partie knows Event Directing. There have been comments from other team members that Roble has been more strict this year — have you noticed a change?
CGG: Well, when running a company and branding a brand you have to be stern and diligent because you have to set a precedent. Your word is superior and everyone has to respect your authority when running a business. Everyone knows that. At the end of the day, Roblè loves his company, and he will do anything it takes to make it a success. It seems every episode someone is butting heads with Artie, and this week, you and him had some words over timing of the scallop dish. What's your take on that?
CGG: Everybody was happy and everyone was served, that's my take on that. Artie and Jasmine butted heads a bit on front-of-house stuff this season. Can you guys feel that tension at all in the kitchen?
CGG: To be honest with you, not at all. I didn't even know that stuff was going on until I watched the show. We just keep our nose down and do our thing in the kitchen; no time for the front of the house shenanigans. Could you feel the tension between Roble and Kiku this season? Roble and Dan?
CGG: Um yeah, Roblè and Kiku because I know that Roblè wants Kiku to be great. He could have gone the route of hiring badass pastry chef with tons of experience, but instead he went with his friend, who's very good at what she does but just not as experienced and molding her into becoming that badass pastry chef. With Roblé and Dan, who doesn't friggin want this guy? We were in Chicago one time, and I literally had to be his bodyguard in the club swerving through the crowd knocking off cruditè (Crudité: a plethora of Baddery Acid) (Baddery Acid: a hot female) like flies with a fly swatter! It was bananas in pajamas. You're quite vocal in the kitchen. How do you come up with those phrases?!
CGG: I think I was trapped in a warp machine as a kid and became very bored with the English language. People would always laugh at me when I say things but the next week in school, everyone's saying my words! LolEmUps. We see your adorable son this season on-air and in your Bank$ and Gravy webisode series — how often do you get to see him while you're helping Roble?
CGG: Well, not as much as i would like, but I think I'm gonna work on getting a nanny for Stinky Binky, so he can be around me more while I'm on set. He's getting older, now so he's gonna be wondering where's Daddy. Every off day while filming I was on a train to D.C. to spend time with my family. It's a hassle, but success takes We're loving Bank$ and Gravy! What is your relationship like with Adam? 
CGG: Me and Adam are like Shampoo and Conditioner. I mean, we're the modern-day Lethal Weapon. We're the extreme opposite, but we understand each other and we both have a history of culinary wave. I mean, just imagine graduating from The World Premier Culinary Institute of America and then go on to travel and work at some of the finest restaurants and establishments in the major cities and then come together to work for the same company with our comrade Chef Roblè. The amount of culinary knowledge and creative energy is abundant. Anything else you'd like to add?
CGG: Let the Crudy Juice drip and keep your BadderiesNotIncluded! 

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