Cast Blog: #DONTBETARDY

Dog in a Wig!

Wigs and Hers

Steroids and Wine

The Real Kim

Wigless in Atlanta

Painted Love

Heart of the Matter

Writer's Block

Don't Be Tardy for the Potty

I am Me

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Training Day

The Incredible Journey

There Goes Your Social Life

Dog in a Wig!

Episode 4: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor is obsessed with Chanel's wedding coif.

Finally. I couldn't wait any longer to see Chanel in that dog wig, and this week we finally were treated to the sheer elegance, sophistication, and magic of that image. There were also school dances, wigs, and mama drama. But that's all a bit hazy because there was a tiny dog in a tiny dog wig.

The Space Between

Brielle's getting ready for a major milestone in every woman's life -- her first homecoming dance. As Kim duly applies Brielle's makeup, mistakes her mole for dirt, and waxes nostalgic, she also worries about inappropriate touching between Brielle and her boyfriend. Kim's not afraid to "slap the sh-- out of him" if he gets frisky with her.Oh moms!

But more cute (and also more scary) is that Kroy's in complete agreement. God help Brielle's date, because I don't think you want a pro football player after you for messing with his daughter. I don't know what Kroy meant exactly when he said anyone who tried anything would be "done," but something tells me you wouldn't want to find out.

Side note: I think Kim and Kroy's acceptable dance demonstration should be widely distributed to high schools for educational purposes.

Making the Cut

A stiletto stalks through the bushes and reveals... Derek J! Let the wedding wig styling commence. Of course there is a lot of pressure on Kim's wedding wig being perfectly coiffed for the blessed event, so Kim wants to put her fears to rest by getting it out of the way.

Derek J doesn't understand why they can't just hold off until the wedding day when they actually have the dress. It's here that Derek J made an egregious error -- Never, ever question the bride. Has he never encountered a Bridezilla before? Because there is no more dangerous creature in the animal kingdom. It doesn't matter whether it makes more sense to cut the wig later. You do it whenever the bride tells you to or feel her stressed out wrath.

Luckily no one was injured and things proceeded as Kim had planned.

DOG IN A WIG

No words. I have no words.

Mother's Day?

Karen Zolciak is not having an easy time with this wedding. First she wasn't allowed to do any decorating, then there were all the restrictions on her dress, and now she's threatening not to come to the wedding after Kim sneakily did the tasting without her.

It's hard to say who's right or wrong, because it's Kim's wedding and she's paying for all of it, so yes, she can do what she wants. And yes, saying that you'll be sick and won't be coming is rather dramatic. But at the same time Kim should have probably have been honest and simply asked her not to come.

Kim should have just snapped a pic on Chanel in her wedding wig and sent it to her mother saying, "Do you really want to miss this?" Because the answer is no.

Next week make sure you're not tardy for the port-a-potties!

Steroids and Wine

Episode 8: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor is very concerned for Kim's liver.

The tension is mounting! This episode was such a horrible tease, since we only get a glimpse at the wedding. We've been waiting for weeks to see that wedding jumpsuit in action, COME ON! But good wigs come to those who wait I suppose, and there were still plenty of entertaining moments during the pre-wedding panic.

Steroids and Wine

Jen returns! Tears are shed and our Lucy is reunited with her Ethel. Jen couldn't be happier to have shed the matron of honor stress, and now gets to go back to doing what she does best -- drinking with Kim. So while lashes are applied and hair is curled, Jen sets off in search of the booze. And Kim's antibiotics. Hold up. Aren't you supposed to keep alcohol far away from you when on antibiotics? Well for mere mortals these may be the rules, but not for Kim Zolciak. By the divine grace of her wigs, it would seem that Kim somehow managed to keep her liver intact. (Although I guess we haven't gotten to the big event yet...)

I was also a big fan of how Jen totally called out Brielle when she suggested that Kim drink her red wine through a straw, as this is the commonly known way to avoid wine teeth. Whoops! Though I doubt Brielle is out with her friends drinking bottles of red and hiding it by drinking from a straw. Everybody knows (Phaedra moment!) that teens opt for classy alcoholic beverages like Mike's Hard Lemonade, Zima, and wine coolers. Duh!

100% Pure Love (and Joy)

Kroy and Coy in a Porsche? That is one extra hot ride... But I digress.

Forget looking for men in the gym or the grocery store, evidently they're keeping all the good ones in Montana (or just on the Atlanta Falcons, hard to say). Seriously, did Kroy come off some previously unknown planet for hot and sweet men? He's just calm, cool, and totally ecstatic about marrying Kim. No wedding day jitters, just complete confidence in the fact that he's finally found the woman for him. He always manages to keep it positive: "The years ahead of us are going to be nothing but happy and successful and enjoyable." This guy is cuter than KJ and Chanel combined. Well, almost, but that's still saying something.
Derek J Date

If there's one thing that really seems to be stressing out Kim to no end, it's getting her wedding wig cut. She was so adamant about having it done before the wedding day, but that didn't happen. Derek J didn't even make it to Kim's house until two hours before the big event. Why you ask? It would seem that Kandi hijacked Derek J for "ten hours" that morning to give her a wedding-worthy 'do. Ten hours? What in the world was Derek doing to her hair? In that amount of time he probably could have crafted and cut an entirely new wig for her. Now I'm dying to see what exactly he did to Kandi's coif.

I also love the Derek J just doesn't take any BS from Kim. As soon as she starts going off on him, he fires back by calling her ma'am. I think that's the equivalent of your parent using your full name to yell at you in Derek J's universe. Let's hope he doesn't displease Kim with his wig cutting.
Next week's the main event. Will it be a dream wedding or just a nightmare?