Dog in a Wig!

Episode 4: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor is obsessed with Chanel's wedding coif.

Finally. I couldn't wait any longer to see Chanel in that dog wig, and this week we finally were treated to the sheer elegance, sophistication, and magic of that image. There were also school dances, wigs, and mama drama. But that's all a bit hazy because there was a tiny dog in a tiny dog wig.

The Space Between

Brielle's getting ready for a major milestone in every woman's life -- her first homecoming dance. As Kim duly applies Brielle's makeup, mistakes her mole for dirt, and waxes nostalgic, she also worries about inappropriate touching between Brielle and her boyfriend. Kim's not afraid to "slap the sh-- out of him" if he gets frisky with her.Oh moms!

But more cute (and also more scary) is that Kroy's in complete agreement. God help Brielle's date, because I don't think you want a pro football player after you for messing with his daughter. I don't know what Kroy meant exactly when he said anyone who tried anything would be "done," but something tells me you wouldn't want to find out.

Side note: I think Kim and Kroy's acceptable dance demonstration should be widely distributed to high schools for educational purposes.

Making the Cut

A stiletto stalks through the bushes and reveals... Derek J! Let the wedding wig styling commence. Of course there is a lot of pressure on Kim's wedding wig being perfectly coiffed for the blessed event, so Kim wants to put her fears to rest by getting it out of the way.

Derek J doesn't understand why they can't just hold off until the wedding day when they actually have the dress. It's here that Derek J made an egregious error -- Never, ever question the bride. Has he never encountered a Bridezilla before? Because there is no more dangerous creature in the animal kingdom. It doesn't matter whether it makes more sense to cut the wig later. You do it whenever the bride tells you to or feel her stressed out wrath.

Luckily no one was injured and things proceeded as Kim had planned.

DOG IN A WIG

No words. I have no words.

Mother's Day?

Karen Zolciak is not having an easy time with this wedding. First she wasn't allowed to do any decorating, then there were all the restrictions on her dress, and now she's threatening not to come to the wedding after Kim sneakily did the tasting without her.

It's hard to say who's right or wrong, because it's Kim's wedding and she's paying for all of it, so yes, she can do what she wants. And yes, saying that you'll be sick and won't be coming is rather dramatic. But at the same time Kim should have probably have been honest and simply asked her not to come.

Kim should have just snapped a pic on Chanel in her wedding wig and sent it to her mother saying, "Do you really want to miss this?" Because the answer is no.

Next week make sure you're not tardy for the port-a-potties!

Wigless in Atlanta

Episode 7: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor is relieved that seeing Kim's real hair didn't bring on the apocalypse.

The riddle of the Housewives sphinx was finally answered when we got a peek under Kim Zolciak's wig. Luckily seeing Kim's real hair didn't bring about the apocalypse, and Kim's big day is nearly upon us!

Drug Bust

Where has Febe been all season? She is a delight. While Kim is freaking out about her illness, Febe keeps her calm. "Take it easy, it's going to be a nice day." Perhaps she's new, but Kim's not going to be taking anything easy a day before her wedding. It's a lovely sentiment nonetheless, Febe.

So Kim's somehow keeping it together despite having a fever of 102. Febe rolls in to save the day with the customary care package -- tea, soup, and about 500 prescription drugs. Seriously, how sick was Kim that she was prescribed so much medication? If she's that ill, she should probably quarantined somewhere until the last minute possible.

Of course Kim's biggest concern is that somehow the drugs are going to make her look fat. Among the myriad warnings on prescription drug labels, I don't think I've ever seen one that says, "May induce temporary plumpness." These concerns are of course all addressed to Febe as if she's a pharmacist. She didn't seem to think it would be an issue so long as she takes them one at a time, and I believe her. Febe wouldn't lead Kim astray.

Side note: If Kim's that sick, she probably shouldn't be offering spritzes from her nasal spray to anyone.

Honorable Discharge

Phew! Kim and Jen have finally reconciled. I can relax now.

Bravo's resident Lucy and Ethel managed to patch things up once Jen sent Kim an apology email explaining why she's been out of touch. The pressure of being in the spotlight and planning had gotten to her. Her apology managed to move Kim to tears it was so touching. And I have to admit, it was moving. Jen may not be the best matron of honor, but she does know how to say she's sorry.

So Jen will no longer be Kim's matron of honor, but she will remain her best friend. Awww! Though I'm a little disappointed, because I was dying to see if Kim would make her wear one of those odd matron of honor hats.
Wigless in Atlanta

After years of waiting and wondering, Kim finally answered what has become one of the greatest mysteries in all of Housewives lore -- what's under the wig? It's one of those things where I'm sure everyone had their own mental image of what we'd find. A short, G.I. Jane look. Gingery locks. Some sort of lucky animal pelt. Who could say? Well now the speculation can finally cease. It's just hair. Hair that (call me crazy) looked nearly identical to Kim's wigs.

She has nice, normal hair! Which begs the question -- why the wigs? It would seem she simply enjoys wearing them. Why not extensions? Do wigs really save you any trouble rather than dealing with your own hair maintenance? Basically by lifting the wig curtain on this mystery, we're left with even more questions than before.
Next week Jen returns! Hurrah!