Dog in a Wig!

Episode 4:'s Associate Editor is obsessed with Chanel's wedding coif.

Finally. I couldn't wait any longer to see Chanel in that dog wig, and this week we finally were treated to the sheer elegance, sophistication, and magic of that image. There were also school dances, wigs, and mama drama. But that's all a bit hazy because there was a tiny dog in a tiny dog wig.

The Space Between

Brielle's getting ready for a major milestone in every woman's life -- her first homecoming dance. As Kim duly applies Brielle's makeup, mistakes her mole for dirt, and waxes nostalgic, she also worries about inappropriate touching between Brielle and her boyfriend. Kim's not afraid to "slap the sh-- out of him" if he gets frisky with her.Oh moms!

But more cute (and also more scary) is that Kroy's in complete agreement. God help Brielle's date, because I don't think you want a pro football player after you for messing with his daughter. I don't know what Kroy meant exactly when he said anyone who tried anything would be "done," but something tells me you wouldn't want to find out.

Side note: I think Kim and Kroy's acceptable dance demonstration should be widely distributed to high schools for educational purposes.

Making the Cut

A stiletto stalks through the bushes and reveals... Derek J! Let the wedding wig styling commence. Of course there is a lot of pressure on Kim's wedding wig being perfectly coiffed for the blessed event, so Kim wants to put her fears to rest by getting it out of the way.

Derek J doesn't understand why they can't just hold off until the wedding day when they actually have the dress. It's here that Derek J made an egregious error -- Never, ever question the bride. Has he never encountered a Bridezilla before? Because there is no more dangerous creature in the animal kingdom. It doesn't matter whether it makes more sense to cut the wig later. You do it whenever the bride tells you to or feel her stressed out wrath.

Luckily no one was injured and things proceeded as Kim had planned.


No words. I have no words.

Mother's Day?

Karen Zolciak is not having an easy time with this wedding. First she wasn't allowed to do any decorating, then there were all the restrictions on her dress, and now she's threatening not to come to the wedding after Kim sneakily did the tasting without her.

It's hard to say who's right or wrong, because it's Kim's wedding and she's paying for all of it, so yes, she can do what she wants. And yes, saying that you'll be sick and won't be coming is rather dramatic. But at the same time Kim should have probably have been honest and simply asked her not to come.

Kim should have just snapped a pic on Chanel in her wedding wig and sent it to her mother saying, "Do you really want to miss this?" Because the answer is no.

Next week make sure you're not tardy for the port-a-potties!

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Painted Love

Episode 6:'s Associate Editor wonders what song Kandi will be performing at the ceremony.

This week's episode was kind of a bummer with all the Jen/Kim drama. These two were not meant to be fighting. They should be sitting out somewhere drinking wine and eating Panera. Something tells me that this feud will last very long.

Painted Love

Kim's wedding may be slowly unraveling between the monstrous tent Kim's decided must come down and the fact that the florist decided to pull out ten days before the event, but she's still got her priorities straight -- sexy gifts for Kroy always come first. So amidst all the chaos, Kim goes in for a photo shoot in which she'll be wearing nothing but a painted-on jersey with Kroy's number. Because what else can you get the guy who you bought a Porsche for only months before?

There was much to be learned at this photo shoot. First, that nipples come in either gumdrop or raisin size (Kim has raisins FYI). Second, the key to success in a photo shoot is unbridled confidence. No amount of stress can keep Kim from looking sexy: "This photo shoot is the last thing I have on my mind, but I'm so damn sexy, f-ck it, I just say cheese."

Sweet Kandi

Yay! Kandi cameo! As usual, Kandi serves as the voice of reason while calming Kim during her Jen breakdown. And thank goodness, because no one wants to see Kim cry. Kim should be happily putting wigs on things, not dwelling on her missing matron of honor!

But Kandi and Kim do have a beautiful bonding moment, and Kim asked Kandi to perform at her wedding. YES! Kandi must have been relieved, because how much better is it to not be a bridesmaid? She gets to have a fun performance moment instead. The question is, what will she sing? I'm personally hoping she goes old school and does Don't Think I'm Not.

Matron of Dishonor

Jen and Kim need to make up, because they're too funny together to be feuding. And you know it's bad when Kim has to send Kroy out to deal with a situation. And man, he is good at dealing with difficult people! If this football thing doesn't work out, he should consider some kind of job involving negotiations. Or perhaps he can just be Atlanta's resident Housewife whisperer.

Luckily Jen was completely receptive and did the right thing by heading home. A go kart rink is no place for a confrontation. (Although there are helmets readily available, so maybe it's a better venue than you'd think.)

Next week Kim's biggest secret is revealed when she finally shows us what's under the wig!

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