Cast Blog: #DONTBETARDY

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Wigs and Hers

Steroids and Wine

The Real Kim

Wigless in Atlanta

Painted Love

Heart of the Matter

Writer's Block

Don't Be Tardy for the Potty

Dog in a Wig!

I am Me

Training Day

The Incredible Journey

There Goes Your Social Life

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Episode 3: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor wants to book an appointment with Psychic Rose.

Kim's in-laws are from rural Montana. Kim is one of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. This is obviously a recipe for mayhem, and lucky for all of us, the cameras were rolling the whole time. Let's take a look at how Kim handled the Biermann invasion. (Spoiler: It involved cigarettes, wine, and pizza.)

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Is there a Psychic Rose waiting list, and can I get on it? This woman seems to be the real deal, and I could always use some life guidance. Rose has predicted both of Kim's kids with Kroy, and she just gives off really good vibes. Sort of like if your grandmother doled out predictions (rather than judgments and Worther's Originals).

But this time Rose had some not great news about Kim's in-laws. To put it bluntly, they don't want Kroy to marry Kim. What?! Do they not realize how great this will be? Christmas' spent listening to Tardy for the Mistletoe, Kim dressed as Mrs. Claus, holiday wigs. But OK, maybe they just need some convincing since they've only met Kim once. And Kim is determined to win them over, so perhaps this is one premonition of Rose's that won't come true.

Pizza Party!

How many members of the Zolciak-Biermann household does it take to warm up a pizza? Well it was definitely a group effort due the the missing pizza stone. But luckily after a few moments of clattering noises and still no stone, Kim put her McGyver wig on and came up with a solution -- throw it on top of an upside down cookie sheet. Kim is nothing if not a problem solver.

However I had a few questions about this scene:

1. Why not just put the pizza directly on the rack?
2. It looked like a delivery pizza, so why was it cold?
3. Was one pizza really enough for all of these people?
4. Most importantly -- Why was no one eating pizza when we cut to their dinner?

Perhaps the upside down cookie sheet idea didn't pan out quite so well. But to be fair, Kim's made it clear that she's not a cook by any means.

Buzz-Worthy

Leave it to Kim to find some sort of miracle non-surgical facelift. And of course it involves odd face paint and the plastic surgeon rubbing her with a strange (electrical?) apparatus. Because none of Kim's wonder cures are ever free from some manner of embarrassment.

And Jen's along for the ride, which brightens any scene. And given we're coming off a season full of Bedroom Kandi, Kim and Jen can't help but make vibrator jokes about the doctor's, well, vibrator. Was that thing really manufactured for the sole purpose of distracting patients from pain? I'm skeptical as to the effectiveness of that thing, but whatever works.

O Mother, Where Art Thou?

In her continued attempt to win over the Biermann brood, Kim calls in her trusty stylist, Shun, to bring in some mother-appropriate dresses for Kathy and her own mother, Karen. Kathy was a good sport, but something tells me she was a bit put off at first by Shun's funky style. But once she got to scope out the styles, she was sold. Except for the "cleavage," which quite frankly I didn't see, but sure, raise that neckline and add a dickey if you like.

But oh wait, what happened to Karen? Evidently she got caught up putting on deodorant. What? How hot was it that day? In any event, Karen never showed and just wanted Kim to send her pictures of the dress options. That's no fun! Hopefully she didn't come in person because of the deodorant crisis and not because she was still irritated from their first foray into dress shopping. 

Next week Kim's mom takes it too far when she threatens not to come to the wedding. You know it's bad if Kroy has to get involved.

Steroids and Wine

Episode 8: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor is very concerned for Kim's liver.

The tension is mounting! This episode was such a horrible tease, since we only get a glimpse at the wedding. We've been waiting for weeks to see that wedding jumpsuit in action, COME ON! But good wigs come to those who wait I suppose, and there were still plenty of entertaining moments during the pre-wedding panic.

Steroids and Wine

Jen returns! Tears are shed and our Lucy is reunited with her Ethel. Jen couldn't be happier to have shed the matron of honor stress, and now gets to go back to doing what she does best -- drinking with Kim. So while lashes are applied and hair is curled, Jen sets off in search of the booze. And Kim's antibiotics. Hold up. Aren't you supposed to keep alcohol far away from you when on antibiotics? Well for mere mortals these may be the rules, but not for Kim Zolciak. By the divine grace of her wigs, it would seem that Kim somehow managed to keep her liver intact. (Although I guess we haven't gotten to the big event yet...)

I was also a big fan of how Jen totally called out Brielle when she suggested that Kim drink her red wine through a straw, as this is the commonly known way to avoid wine teeth. Whoops! Though I doubt Brielle is out with her friends drinking bottles of red and hiding it by drinking from a straw. Everybody knows (Phaedra moment!) that teens opt for classy alcoholic beverages like Mike's Hard Lemonade, Zima, and wine coolers. Duh!

100% Pure Love (and Joy)

Kroy and Coy in a Porsche? That is one extra hot ride... But I digress.

Forget looking for men in the gym or the grocery store, evidently they're keeping all the good ones in Montana (or just on the Atlanta Falcons, hard to say). Seriously, did Kroy come off some previously unknown planet for hot and sweet men? He's just calm, cool, and totally ecstatic about marrying Kim. No wedding day jitters, just complete confidence in the fact that he's finally found the woman for him. He always manages to keep it positive: "The years ahead of us are going to be nothing but happy and successful and enjoyable." This guy is cuter than KJ and Chanel combined. Well, almost, but that's still saying something.
Derek J Date

If there's one thing that really seems to be stressing out Kim to no end, it's getting her wedding wig cut. She was so adamant about having it done before the wedding day, but that didn't happen. Derek J didn't even make it to Kim's house until two hours before the big event. Why you ask? It would seem that Kandi hijacked Derek J for "ten hours" that morning to give her a wedding-worthy 'do. Ten hours? What in the world was Derek doing to her hair? In that amount of time he probably could have crafted and cut an entirely new wig for her. Now I'm dying to see what exactly he did to Kandi's coif.

I also love the Derek J just doesn't take any BS from Kim. As soon as she starts going off on him, he fires back by calling her ma'am. I think that's the equivalent of your parent using your full name to yell at you in Derek J's universe. Let's hope he doesn't displease Kim with his wig cutting.
Next week's the main event. Will it be a dream wedding or just a nightmare?