Cast Blog: #DONTBETARDY

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Wigs and Hers

Steroids and Wine

The Real Kim

Wigless in Atlanta

Painted Love

Heart of the Matter

Writer's Block

Don't Be Tardy for the Potty

Dog in a Wig!

I am Me

Training Day

The Incredible Journey

There Goes Your Social Life

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Episode 3: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor wants to book an appointment with Psychic Rose.

Kim's in-laws are from rural Montana. Kim is one of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. This is obviously a recipe for mayhem, and lucky for all of us, the cameras were rolling the whole time. Let's take a look at how Kim handled the Biermann invasion. (Spoiler: It involved cigarettes, wine, and pizza.)

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Is there a Psychic Rose waiting list, and can I get on it? This woman seems to be the real deal, and I could always use some life guidance. Rose has predicted both of Kim's kids with Kroy, and she just gives off really good vibes. Sort of like if your grandmother doled out predictions (rather than judgments and Worther's Originals).

But this time Rose had some not great news about Kim's in-laws. To put it bluntly, they don't want Kroy to marry Kim. What?! Do they not realize how great this will be? Christmas' spent listening to Tardy for the Mistletoe, Kim dressed as Mrs. Claus, holiday wigs. But OK, maybe they just need some convincing since they've only met Kim once. And Kim is determined to win them over, so perhaps this is one premonition of Rose's that won't come true.

Pizza Party!

How many members of the Zolciak-Biermann household does it take to warm up a pizza? Well it was definitely a group effort due the the missing pizza stone. But luckily after a few moments of clattering noises and still no stone, Kim put her McGyver wig on and came up with a solution -- throw it on top of an upside down cookie sheet. Kim is nothing if not a problem solver.

However I had a few questions about this scene:

1. Why not just put the pizza directly on the rack?
2. It looked like a delivery pizza, so why was it cold?
3. Was one pizza really enough for all of these people?
4. Most importantly -- Why was no one eating pizza when we cut to their dinner?

Perhaps the upside down cookie sheet idea didn't pan out quite so well. But to be fair, Kim's made it clear that she's not a cook by any means.

Buzz-Worthy

Leave it to Kim to find some sort of miracle non-surgical facelift. And of course it involves odd face paint and the plastic surgeon rubbing her with a strange (electrical?) apparatus. Because none of Kim's wonder cures are ever free from some manner of embarrassment.

And Jen's along for the ride, which brightens any scene. And given we're coming off a season full of Bedroom Kandi, Kim and Jen can't help but make vibrator jokes about the doctor's, well, vibrator. Was that thing really manufactured for the sole purpose of distracting patients from pain? I'm skeptical as to the effectiveness of that thing, but whatever works.

O Mother, Where Art Thou?

In her continued attempt to win over the Biermann brood, Kim calls in her trusty stylist, Shun, to bring in some mother-appropriate dresses for Kathy and her own mother, Karen. Kathy was a good sport, but something tells me she was a bit put off at first by Shun's funky style. But once she got to scope out the styles, she was sold. Except for the "cleavage," which quite frankly I didn't see, but sure, raise that neckline and add a dickey if you like.

But oh wait, what happened to Karen? Evidently she got caught up putting on deodorant. What? How hot was it that day? In any event, Karen never showed and just wanted Kim to send her pictures of the dress options. That's no fun! Hopefully she didn't come in person because of the deodorant crisis and not because she was still irritated from their first foray into dress shopping. 

Next week Kim's mom takes it too far when she threatens not to come to the wedding. You know it's bad if Kroy has to get involved.

Painted Love

Episode 6: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor wonders what song Kandi will be performing at the ceremony.

This week's episode was kind of a bummer with all the Jen/Kim drama. These two were not meant to be fighting. They should be sitting out somewhere drinking wine and eating Panera. Something tells me that this feud will last very long.

Painted Love

Kim's wedding may be slowly unraveling between the monstrous tent Kim's decided must come down and the fact that the florist decided to pull out ten days before the event, but she's still got her priorities straight -- sexy gifts for Kroy always come first. So amidst all the chaos, Kim goes in for a photo shoot in which she'll be wearing nothing but a painted-on jersey with Kroy's number. Because what else can you get the guy who you bought a Porsche for only months before?

There was much to be learned at this photo shoot. First, that nipples come in either gumdrop or raisin size (Kim has raisins FYI). Second, the key to success in a photo shoot is unbridled confidence. No amount of stress can keep Kim from looking sexy: "This photo shoot is the last thing I have on my mind, but I'm so damn sexy, f-ck it, I just say cheese."

Sweet Kandi

Yay! Kandi cameo! As usual, Kandi serves as the voice of reason while calming Kim during her Jen breakdown. And thank goodness, because no one wants to see Kim cry. Kim should be happily putting wigs on things, not dwelling on her missing matron of honor!

But Kandi and Kim do have a beautiful bonding moment, and Kim asked Kandi to perform at her wedding. YES! Kandi must have been relieved, because how much better is it to not be a bridesmaid? She gets to have a fun performance moment instead. The question is, what will she sing? I'm personally hoping she goes old school and does Don't Think I'm Not.

Matron of Dishonor

Jen and Kim need to make up, because they're too funny together to be feuding. And you know it's bad when Kim has to send Kroy out to deal with a situation. And man, he is good at dealing with difficult people! If this football thing doesn't work out, he should consider some kind of job involving negotiations. Or perhaps he can just be Atlanta's resident Housewife whisperer.

Luckily Jen was completely receptive and did the right thing by heading home. A go kart rink is no place for a confrontation. (Although there are helmets readily available, so maybe it's a better venue than you'd think.)

Next week Kim's biggest secret is revealed when she finally shows us what's under the wig!