Cast Blog: #DONTBETARDY

Wigless in Atlanta

Wigs and Hers

Steroids and Wine

The Real Kim

Painted Love

Heart of the Matter

Writer's Block

Don't Be Tardy for the Potty

Dog in a Wig!

I am Me

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Training Day

The Incredible Journey

There Goes Your Social Life

Wigless in Atlanta

Episode 7: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor is relieved that seeing Kim's real hair didn't bring on the apocalypse.

The riddle of the Housewives sphinx was finally answered when we got a peek under Kim Zolciak's wig. Luckily seeing Kim's real hair didn't bring about the apocalypse, and Kim's big day is nearly upon us!

Drug Bust

Where has Febe been all season? She is a delight. While Kim is freaking out about her illness, Febe keeps her calm. "Take it easy, it's going to be a nice day." Perhaps she's new, but Kim's not going to be taking anything easy a day before her wedding. It's a lovely sentiment nonetheless, Febe.

So Kim's somehow keeping it together despite having a fever of 102. Febe rolls in to save the day with the customary care package -- tea, soup, and about 500 prescription drugs. Seriously, how sick was Kim that she was prescribed so much medication? If she's that ill, she should probably quarantined somewhere until the last minute possible.

Of course Kim's biggest concern is that somehow the drugs are going to make her look fat. Among the myriad warnings on prescription drug labels, I don't think I've ever seen one that says, "May induce temporary plumpness." These concerns are of course all addressed to Febe as if she's a pharmacist. She didn't seem to think it would be an issue so long as she takes them one at a time, and I believe her. Febe wouldn't lead Kim astray.

Side note: If Kim's that sick, she probably shouldn't be offering spritzes from her nasal spray to anyone.

Honorable Discharge

Phew! Kim and Jen have finally reconciled. I can relax now.

Bravo's resident Lucy and Ethel managed to patch things up once Jen sent Kim an apology email explaining why she's been out of touch. The pressure of being in the spotlight and planning had gotten to her. Her apology managed to move Kim to tears it was so touching. And I have to admit, it was moving. Jen may not be the best matron of honor, but she does know how to say she's sorry.

So Jen will no longer be Kim's matron of honor, but she will remain her best friend. Awww! Though I'm a little disappointed, because I was dying to see if Kim would make her wear one of those odd matron of honor hats.
Wigless in Atlanta

After years of waiting and wondering, Kim finally answered what has become one of the greatest mysteries in all of Housewives lore -- what's under the wig? It's one of those things where I'm sure everyone had their own mental image of what we'd find. A short, G.I. Jane look. Gingery locks. Some sort of lucky animal pelt. Who could say? Well now the speculation can finally cease. It's just hair. Hair that (call me crazy) looked nearly identical to Kim's wigs.

She has nice, normal hair! Which begs the question -- why the wigs? It would seem she simply enjoys wearing them. Why not extensions? Do wigs really save you any trouble rather than dealing with your own hair maintenance? Basically by lifting the wig curtain on this mystery, we're left with even more questions than before.
Next week Jen returns! Hurrah!

Painted Love

Episode 6: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor wonders what song Kandi will be performing at the ceremony.

This week's episode was kind of a bummer with all the Jen/Kim drama. These two were not meant to be fighting. They should be sitting out somewhere drinking wine and eating Panera. Something tells me that this feud will last very long.

Painted Love

Kim's wedding may be slowly unraveling between the monstrous tent Kim's decided must come down and the fact that the florist decided to pull out ten days before the event, but she's still got her priorities straight -- sexy gifts for Kroy always come first. So amidst all the chaos, Kim goes in for a photo shoot in which she'll be wearing nothing but a painted-on jersey with Kroy's number. Because what else can you get the guy who you bought a Porsche for only months before?

There was much to be learned at this photo shoot. First, that nipples come in either gumdrop or raisin size (Kim has raisins FYI). Second, the key to success in a photo shoot is unbridled confidence. No amount of stress can keep Kim from looking sexy: "This photo shoot is the last thing I have on my mind, but I'm so damn sexy, f-ck it, I just say cheese."

Sweet Kandi

Yay! Kandi cameo! As usual, Kandi serves as the voice of reason while calming Kim during her Jen breakdown. And thank goodness, because no one wants to see Kim cry. Kim should be happily putting wigs on things, not dwelling on her missing matron of honor!

But Kandi and Kim do have a beautiful bonding moment, and Kim asked Kandi to perform at her wedding. YES! Kandi must have been relieved, because how much better is it to not be a bridesmaid? She gets to have a fun performance moment instead. The question is, what will she sing? I'm personally hoping she goes old school and does Don't Think I'm Not.

Matron of Dishonor

Jen and Kim need to make up, because they're too funny together to be feuding. And you know it's bad when Kim has to send Kroy out to deal with a situation. And man, he is good at dealing with difficult people! If this football thing doesn't work out, he should consider some kind of job involving negotiations. Or perhaps he can just be Atlanta's resident Housewife whisperer.

Luckily Jen was completely receptive and did the right thing by heading home. A go kart rink is no place for a confrontation. (Although there are helmets readily available, so maybe it's a better venue than you'd think.)

Next week Kim's biggest secret is revealed when she finally shows us what's under the wig!