Cast Blog: #FLIPPINGOUT

Still Processing

Andy's "Monumental Meltdown"

Jenni Battles Lewd Snowmen

Jenni: "Crab Meat is Flying!"

Zoila was Kidnapped by "Inappropriate Aliens"

Gage and the Gramercy Drama

Jenni: Alianna is a Miracle

Jenni Talks Mini Cat Doors, Giant Paint Cans

Jeff's In-House Telenovela

Mammary Madness at Jeff Lewis Design

Jenni Talks Rough Nipples and Roller-Skating

Jeff Lewis Reflects on Monkey

Jeff and the L Word

"I Did Not Lie to Jeff."

Gage Doesn't Trust Andrew

Gage and Zoila's Endless Teasing

Jenni: Dreams Do Come True

Zoila's Tear-Filled Therapy Session

Jeff's New Boyfriend

Twist! Jeff Forgives Andrew - Ep 5

Jeff's Cockpit and Andy's Lying

Inspector Jeffrey

Andy, Andy, Andy

There is a Time and a Place

Workplace Etiquette

Jeff Lewis, Wedding Planner

Who's the Bitch?

My Wedding Heaven Meets Jeff's Cash Calculations

The Vagina Monologues

Get Your Kicks on Route Season 6

Survivor

Grammercy Gardens

Rapping Up Season 5

Truck Gas

Jeff Wants to be a Paint Star

Hey, You Never Know...

Queen of the House

We Talk to the Animals

Hanky Panky and Stinky Pink

Lupe, Lupe, Lupe!

Not Getting the Whole Big Apple

Still Processing

Jeff talks babysitting Chloe, dealing with the Ryan situation , and more!

I thoroughly enjoyed my afternoon with Chloe and Jenni. In addition to lunch at Lucifer's Pizza (one of my favorites), we also took her to Pinkberry and the pet store. I was told by Ryan not to buy anything, but Chloe really wanted a fish for her room. We named her Teresa after Ryan's new housekeeper. Teresa (Ryan's housekeeper) did not seem amused, but Chloe and I thought it was funny. I had to remind Chloe to feed Teresa (the fish) everyday because I heard she forgot a few times. I find that suprising considering Chloe has one of the best memories of anyone I know. I know that there are a few things that I should not have taught Chloe, but those were all done in the past. I respected Ryan's wishes and did not teach her anything new. "Girls Gone Wild","Chardonnay", and "Hooters" were all things she learned (by me) a year ago. If I had to do it all over, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

Even though this episode's events happened a few months ago, I am still processing it. I had to watch the episode again in order to write this blog. I'd rather I hadn't. I am still not clear as to why Ryan would deceive me. I have made a lot of bad choices in my life and behaved inexusably. Sometimes when bad things happen to me, I feel I deserve it. Jenni calls it the "Karma Boomerang Effect." This time, I do not feel I deserved it. I am trying so hard to find the lesson in this, but I still can't see it. I am just so hurt and disappointed. Usually, when someone hurts me, I want to see them hurt or upset. This is an unusual situation because I would never want to see Ryan hurt or upset. Normally, I just channel my feelings into anger and revenge. This time is different because I am just sitting here with my sadness not knowing what to do with it. It looks like I will be going back to therapy (again). It feels so bad.