Dirty Little Secret (Concoction)

Jett's got no inhibitions when it comes to public urination (unlike Trace).

In this episode, the ever prevalent coyote problem at Valley Oak is addressed in fine fashion. For the most part, I think Jeff overreacts to "dangers" around the house to him or to his pets, but in this case there actually are tons of coyotes in the area. They've even walked up to the back door of Valley Oak (which requires jumping a few fences), looking for food. So for the last few years I have periodically applied a "secret weapon" around the perimeter of the property to deter the coyotes. It seemed to work fine, the only problem is that this secret concoction was illegal in California, making its acquisition very difficult, and it was also prohibitively expensive.

Jeff consulted with an obvious expert in the field, his taxi driver, and learned that any urine will effectively keep the coyotes away. When Jeff first told me that human urine would work, my first thought was - B.S.! Then when he said that we would be collecting and distributing our own urine, I thought it was hilarious as I have no issues with peeing in public. I even volunteered to go out back and go off the back of the garage. But Jeff decided to be a little more classy about it and had me go purchase the containers. We were all going to have our own and write our names on them. I’ve done a lot of touring through the years in different bands, so I’ve peed in lots of different containers, but until I saw this episode, I wasn’t aware of the issues that Trace had with going #1. Funny stuff. I guess he got through it though, and Zoila was asked to distribute it. I’m glad I was off that day, because he probably would have asked me to do it, and I would have ended up with Jeff’s pee pee all over me like she did.

Alas it was all for naught as Trace did a little research and found that human urine is completely useless as a coyote deterrent. This was definitely an interesting series of events, but probably not the weirdest week I’ve had at Jeff Lewis’ office.

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