But by this time MANY people knew about the secret (I would only allow people refer to it as "the thing"), and my biggest fear was that someone was accidentally going to slip and mention it to Brad. It had been a month in the planning at this point, and I really think I would have lost my mind if he found out. I was becoming a crazy person.
The day of the party I even started to lose my voice, which Brad of course instantly commented on. At that point I was lying about so many things that I couldn't even keep track of them -- where people were, who they were with, what I was doing, where I was going at 7:30 in the morning when I was taking voice lessons with Jerry (who I couldn't have done this without, thanks, Jerry!). I was starting to crack a little and I hadn't even prepared my speech.
My feeling was I'll just wing the speech to introduce the performance, but now I was getting nervous that I didn't have anything prepared. But once the party started something just took over. It was such a beautiful night, and Steven did such and AMAZING job! (It was the party I saw in my head, exactly! I can't thank you enough, Steven!) Whoa Nelly catered the most incredible food, and when our family and friends started arriving, I was so happy and excited to see everybody that I just kind of let it all go. And when I got up and started my speech and began talking about how I met Brad, everything just felt so right and suddenly the performance started and now I barely even remember it happening. I just remember thinking once it started, "Oh, my god, this is really happening and I have no idea what my lyrics are." But it went off so beautifully, I couldn't believe it. (Remember we couldn't screw up at all, there was no chance for a do-over). Everybody was amazing! I was so happy and relieved and so incredibly grateful to all these people (and there were a lot of them!) for doing this for me. I was really moved, and as I say in the episode, that really took me by surprise, because the whole time I was focused on giving Brad a gift without even realizing that I was the one getting the gift. It really was a magical moment and the performance totally summed up how much I love Brad.