Cast Blog: #KATHYGRIFFIN

Default image

I Came. I Saw. Iraq.

Default image

Public Domain

Default image

Demolition Day

Default image

Kathy Does The Garden

Default image

Mrs. Kathy Goes to Washington

Default image

Sewing with the Stars

What Happens in Wasilla, Stays in Wasilla

Default image

Once

Default image

Law & Disorder

Default image

Kathy Comes To T-town!

Default image

New Years In Times Square

Default image

Coming Soon!

Default image

Here We Go Again

Default image

D-list Do's And Dont's

Default image

Tom And Kathy, Sittin' In A Tree?

Default image

Kathy Closure

Default image

Celebrity Dating Tips

Default image

Tom's European Vacation

Default image

London Bridges

Default image

Take A Dating Diet

Default image

Looking Up After Lockdown

Default image

Porn And Prison

Default image

D-list Hot Spots In Los Angeles

Default image

Q&A With Jessica

Default image

Q&A With Tiffany

Default image

Q&A With Tom

Default image

Q&A With Kathy

Default image

That Face To Face Connection

Default image

In Tom's Hands

Default image

The Windy City

Default image

Home Swearing Network

Default image

Remembering Dad

Default image

Sexy In The City

Default image

I'm Not A Lesbian...

Default image

Kathy's Amazing Fans

Default image

D-list Dating Ex Anxiety

Default image

Jessica: Up Close And Personal

Default image

Michigan Or Bust

Default image

Oh, Sweet Charity

Default image

D-list Dating Disasters

Default image

How I Got The Tour Manager Job: Revealed

I Came. I Saw. Iraq.

The real reason Kathy Griffin went to Iraq? Read on.

(Which is different than "I saw Iraq. I came." Which did not happen. Because, like I said -- that place is a s**t-hole.)

So I went to Iraq to visit the troops, and it was absolutely one of the most incredible experiences of my life. But it almost didn't happen. I had to do a lot of begging to be allowed to go. The army kept saying, "Yes, you can go," and then they'd call and say "You can't go because it's too dangerous." Then they'd say, "You can't go to Iraq, but you can perform for the troops stationed in Germany or Djibouti." And I was like: Screw that!

First of all, anybody can go visit the troops in Germany. It's easier to do that than it is to get tickets to the World Cup. And, as for Djibouti, I am not going someplace that I can't spell. No offense, Djibouti. In fact, I think Djibouti would be a good place for Angelina Jolie to have her next kid. But for me, it was Iraq or nothing. Fortunately, it all worked out.

Although I didn't even really know I was going until just a couple days before. Then I had to deal with the people at Bravo who didn't want to pay for insurance for me. They basically ended up getting me this insurance that was worse than an HMO plan. It was like, we'll insure you if you're killed, but if you almost die, you're on your own. I think I would have had better coverage if I was an insurgent. I looked at their policy, and it's very thorough.

HURRY UP AND KUWAIT

So I get to Kuwait, and even though I've been traveling for about 147 hours, we don't even have time to nap or shower -- or order Kuwaiti pay-per-view movies in the hotel -- because we had to go to the base to get ready for the show.

And by "get ready for" I mean "beg people to come to." We literally went door-to-door like Amway sales people to tell everyone about the show. Basically, we bothered the Army. And it's not like it's a small base. That place is huge. It's got a Pizza Hut AND a McDonald's. It's just one giant Halliburton playground.

PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

Okay, first of all, I'm really grateful to Keri Turner and Michael McDonald for coming to entertain the troops with me, but I have to say, I'm still really bitter that Stuart killed and I didn't. I just can't believe that the armed forces care more about a seven-year-old character than my seven-year-old Nicole Kidman jokes. And he just did the voice -- he didn't even have the rouge or the wig!

But that didn't bother these army people one bit. The whole time we were there, people would pass Michael and me, and scream, "HEY LOOK IT'S STEWART!... and the girl from News Radio." But besides the lack of recognition, the hardest part about performing for the troops was that I just had no idea what to expect. And I'm not just talking about the fact that they weren't up-to-date on pop culture. We also found out that the soldiers didn't like to make fun of their superiors as much as we thought they would. So great -- no pop culture and no making fun of people... there goes 90% of my act. Which is why I decided early on to rely on the other 10% -- swearing like a truck driver. The army put a lot of language restrictions on me, but I said f**k 'em. These soldiers have seen real bombs -- I doubt they're gonna get offended if I drop a few F-bombs.

But the truth is, the entire time I was over there, I was getting material. The second the plane landed, it was like, "Hey look at that crappy food" and "Whoa, who the hell are those crazy looking people?" And that's material. And I knew that the more time I spent there, the more material I'd get. And the more comfortable I got with the troops, the more I'd figure out how far I could push the envelope with them.

I have to say, the thing I loved most about performing for the soldiers was that they are so much cooler about making fun of themselves than celebrities. Everyone in Hollywood takes themself so seriously, and they get all worked up if you make fun of them. The troops get bummed out if you DON'T make fun of them. And you don't want to bum out soldiers. They have guns.

SLEEPOVER AT SADDAM'S

I have to say that Saddam's palace was less than fantastic. I mean sure, it was a great place to stay, and it had running water -- which is a hot commodity over there -- but the whole time you keep saying to yourself, "I can't believe I'm in Saddam's goddamn palace!" And then you feel bad for saying "Goddamn" while Allah is staring at you. But you get used to it.

The army is really into maintaining Saddam's palace -- they haven't even redecorated it, and it's still got all this totally tacky stuff everywhere, like Sears and Roebuck bedding and a dining table for 30, and gold desks with these super fancy knobs, and the army hasn't removed a thing. (I did though -- Just a few towels. It's a bad habit. I'm working on it.)

And yeah, there was a rocket attack the night I was at the palace, and yeah, I did think it was just a door slamming... but that hasn't stopped me from being overly proud and frequently using the phrase, "I survived my first rocket attack." I definitely think I should get some sort of certificate to acknowledge my bravery. Or at least a Purple Heart. I'm going to have Jessica call the army to make sure that happens. Or maybe she can just text them...

ON A SERIOUS NOTE... ...I just want to talk for one second about Sgt. Adkins, the wounded soldier I met in Tikrit who had just survived a mortar attack that took the life of his fiance. Meeting Sgt. Adkins was something that I will never, ever forget. I think about him every day, and wonder how he's doing, and if he returned to duty, and I just want him to be safe and to know that there are lots and lots of people in America who are grateful for the sacrifice he's making on behalf of this country.

Look people, I know this wasn't the funniest episode of the show that's ever aired, but I am so proud of it, and I hope that you enjoyed it even though it's not a laugh-a-minute. Although I guess I should be honest with you all about the real reason I went to Iraq -- I just wanted something to throw around the next time I see Anderson Cooper at a dinner party. I've never been to a dinner party with Andy Cooper. I'm not in the same circles as Andy Cooper. But I will do anything to impress him, and maybe the fact that I went on this trip will actually get me invited to an Andy Cooper party. If not -- I move onto Amanpour.

Demolition Day

Executive Producer Danny Salles explains how he and his fellow producers reacted to Kathy's unplanned renovation.

Since the second episode aired, many of my friends have asked me, “Was that real when Kathy tore her house apart without having a plan? It’s just so hard to believe. Did you make it up for the show?” I know. It’s hard to imagine someone tearing out her floors and kitchen cabinets without having a rock solid plan – but that’s exactly what happened. 

One of my most vivid memories from producing the show was arriving at Kathy’s house the morning after she told us that she had decided to move on from working with designer, Kenny.  It was 9 a.m., and I was finishing up my coffee as I walked up Kathy’s long driveway. I started hearing noise coming from the house as I approached. The booming sound grew louder and louder. I entered the front door to find eight workers with sledgehammers and crowbars cracking the floors and counters. Dust was everywhere. The producer in me panicked – We’ve got to start shooting this now! And the homeowner inside me was screaming, "WTF!" There’s no plan. Needless to say I got cameras up and rolling in minutes. 

My next call was to Lisa, my fellow executive producer. My voice was faltering.  “Eh, Lisa….It seems that Kathy has started demolition.” “When will they get started?” she asked. “Oh, no.  It’s already started. The fireplace in the kitchen is gone.” “Are you…?” “Yes, we’re rolling cameras.” In reality TV, you’ve got to be ready to move on a dime, because, well, that’s the reality part.

I found Kathy in her bedroom happily planning out her day, blithely ignoring the boom, boom, boom of destruction in the kitchen. She was acting like nothing was happening. But she must have seen the shocked expression on my face because she added, “Oh yeah, that.” “Yes, that.” She started laughing. “I told you I move fast.” She explained that since she only had enough money to rent another house for a certain timeframe, she figured she would just get rid of what she wanted gone and plan it out as she went. In the meantime, her friend and decorating enthusiast, Lara Spencer (also known to many as the host of The Insider) would help her out with the creative ideas and with finding workers. Between Lara and Team Griffin, Kathy was confident it would go well. 

Having had work done to my own house, I was privately predicting disaster. Who's ever heard of a renovation going well under the best of circumstances? As a reality producer, I know that disasters often make for great episodes, so figured this could lead to some good comedy. You might think I had a moral dilemma. Nah. The comedy comes first. 

Leave it to Kathy to be the first person in history to have a successful remodel. Lara came though and Kathy’s crazy “improv-a-renovation” actually worked. Her house is gorgeous!  I may not have gotten the home disaster episode I dreamed of, but Kathy got gay man’s Palm Springs bachelor pad she dreamed of. And that’s what counts.