In Tom's Hands

Tom opens up about porn.

Kathy asked me once if I'm into porn, and I just honestly said, "As much as the next guy..." Like I told Kathy when she first hired me, I'm into porn no more or less than the average male. Note to job seekers: "DON'T SAY THIS TO YOUR PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYER."

Of course Kathy found my porn and pulled it out while the cameras were rolling. And then she laughed...disgustedly. (Oh, and Kathy also makes assumptions about why my showers are so long. Let me just say that a man has needs.) I might as well just put it all out there now...

I don't think I'm necessarily into porn. It's just that if it's there and I have nothing else to do I'll look at it. Whatever's lying around, I'll peruse it. I wouldn't limit myself to just one type of porn because I like many types, but nice wholesome porn is good.

As Kathy discovered, I kind of prefer the older ladies a little bit. Have you ever heard of a M.I.L.F? Yes, I like the M.I.L.F.s. I'm sure everybody knows what a M.I.L.F. is, but if you don't you'll have to find out on your own.

As far as real women go, generally what turns me on to a woman is a sense of humor about everything, especially herself. I like all sorts of looks, so I can't pinpoint one specific physical type. All I can say is, when a woman knows exactly what she is doing and wants to involve me in that, well that is the sexiest thing she can do. I know what you must be thinking, but I was asked to talk about it, so I did. To be honest, I think a woman at any age has the potential to be as sexy as she can be.

Demolition Day

Executive Producer Danny Salles explains how he and his fellow producers reacted to Kathy's unplanned renovation.

Since the second episode aired, many of my friends have asked me, “Was that real when Kathy tore her house apart without having a plan? It’s just so hard to believe. Did you make it up for the show?” I know. It’s hard to imagine someone tearing out her floors and kitchen cabinets without having a rock solid plan – but that’s exactly what happened. 

One of my most vivid memories from producing the show was arriving at Kathy’s house the morning after she told us that she had decided to move on from working with designer, Kenny.  It was 9 a.m., and I was finishing up my coffee as I walked up Kathy’s long driveway. I started hearing noise coming from the house as I approached. The booming sound grew louder and louder. I entered the front door to find eight workers with sledgehammers and crowbars cracking the floors and counters. Dust was everywhere. The producer in me panicked – We’ve got to start shooting this now! And the homeowner inside me was screaming, "WTF!" There’s no plan. Needless to say I got cameras up and rolling in minutes. 

My next call was to Lisa, my fellow executive producer. My voice was faltering.  “Eh, Lisa….It seems that Kathy has started demolition.” “When will they get started?” she asked. “Oh, no.  It’s already started. The fireplace in the kitchen is gone.” “Are you…?” “Yes, we’re rolling cameras.” In reality TV, you’ve got to be ready to move on a dime, because, well, that’s the reality part.

I found Kathy in her bedroom happily planning out her day, blithely ignoring the boom, boom, boom of destruction in the kitchen. She was acting like nothing was happening. But she must have seen the shocked expression on my face because she added, “Oh yeah, that.” “Yes, that.” She started laughing. “I told you I move fast.” She explained that since she only had enough money to rent another house for a certain timeframe, she figured she would just get rid of what she wanted gone and plan it out as she went. In the meantime, her friend and decorating enthusiast, Lara Spencer (also known to many as the host of The Insider) would help her out with the creative ideas and with finding workers. Between Lara and Team Griffin, Kathy was confident it would go well. 

Having had work done to my own house, I was privately predicting disaster. Who's ever heard of a renovation going well under the best of circumstances? As a reality producer, I know that disasters often make for great episodes, so figured this could lead to some good comedy. You might think I had a moral dilemma. Nah. The comedy comes first. 

Leave it to Kathy to be the first person in history to have a successful remodel. Lara came though and Kathy’s crazy “improv-a-renovation” actually worked. Her house is gorgeous!  I may not have gotten the home disaster episode I dreamed of, but Kathy got gay man’s Palm Springs bachelor pad she dreamed of. And that’s what counts.