But Jimmy and Tyra were wonderful, and they both signed it. And Damien Marley was a guest on Jimmy's show, and he signed it.
So now I have a Gibson guitar signed by Jimmy Kimmel, Tyra Banks, and Damien Marley that I could sell on eBay for charity, but if I did that then somebody would probably just bid $28,000 and then back out at the last minute, so instead I just gave up and put the guitar in my garage.
LOUSIVILLE LOVES ME
Okay, so maybe you wouldn't know it by the turnout for Kathy Griffin Day, but I do have a key to the city now. And a mug and some other crap. And my stand-up show that night went really great. Plus, I discovered this totally insanely delicious sandwich called The Hot Brown. It's named after the Brown Hotel, and it's soooo good! It's got all this cheese, and ham, and turkey -- and it's served in a bowl, like a casserole.
But of course, I was on my goddamn diet when I was in Louisville, so I could only have like two bites of my Hot Brown. But once I decide to get fat again, I am going back to Louisville and eating Hot Browns for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Oh, and one last thing about Louisville. I've been reading my message boards.... (Which I do occasionally. And by occasionally, I mean obsessively.) And I've been seeing some posts from people who are angry about my "red state humor" and how I'm totally ignorant about the red states. And I just want to say that I have nothing but love for the red states. I just make fun of Republicans and Conservatives in general. That doesn't mean I hate them, just that I enjoy making fun of them.
Kind of like how I feel about Celine Dion. Except the Republicans don't have a show in Vegas. But if they did, I'd be in the front row.