Who knew it was so hard to be Suzanne Somers? She must be exhausted running that empire of hers, what with all those homemade sugar substitutes, Thigh Masters, and baubles. I've always had a dream to leave my successful stand-up comedy career behind, and become a sell-out. What's it gonna take for you people? But we'll get to my taking over the world of merchandising in a bit.
First, on the homefront: So, I'm trying to get my mom to move into my house, and it's been like that book "He's Just Not That Into You" because I feel like with my mom, I'm dating a dude who's kind of leading me on, but I think he's got other chicks on the side. My mom is also doing that book "The Rules," where she plays hard to get, and I have to keep calling her, trying not to sound too desperate on the phone.
My favorite thing is that my mom told me she didn't want to decide right away if she wanted to come live with me because she "wanted to take a few years to think about it." She's 86. I'm not going to press her for an answer until she's into her early 120s -- you can't rush these things. I would have to wait for my mom's response until after my gig in my hometown of Chicago.