But the truth is, the entire time I was over there, I was getting material. The second the plane landed, it was like, "Hey look at that crappy food" and "Whoa, who the hell are those crazy looking people?" And that's material. And I knew that the more time I spent there, the more material I'd get. And the more comfortable I got with the troops, the more I'd figure out how far I could push the envelope with them.
I have to say, the thing I loved most about performing for the soldiers was that they are so much cooler about making fun of themselves than celebrities. Everyone in Hollywood takes themself so seriously, and they get all worked up if you make fun of them. The troops get bummed out if you DON'T make fun of them. And you don't want to bum out soldiers. They have guns.
SLEEPOVER AT SADDAM'S
I have to say that Saddam's palace was less than fantastic. I mean sure, it was a great place to stay, and it had running water -- which is a hot commodity over there -- but the whole time you keep saying to yourself, "I can't believe I'm in Saddam's goddamn palace!" And then you feel bad for saying "Goddamn" while Allah is staring at you. But you get used to it.
The army is really into maintaining Saddam's palace -- they haven't even redecorated it, and it's still got all this totally tacky stuff everywhere, like Sears and Roebuck bedding and a dining table for 30, and gold desks with these super fancy knobs, and the army hasn't removed a thing. (I did though -- Just a few towels. It's a bad habit. I'm working on it.)