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Executive Producer Danny Salles describes the scene at the kiddie beauty pageant. And prays he and the crew never have to shoot one again.
Jun 22, 2010When we learned that Kathy was going to judge a kiddie pageant, we all had our misgivings about what the experience would be like. I imagined demonic stage mothers and stage fathers either living out their own princess fantasies or worse – leering at the underage beauty queens. As for the contestants, I envisioned desperate little victims caught in a trap of wigs, glitter, and lashes. I knew Kathy would be hilarious no matter what we found but I feared having my own nightmares as we sunk to new depths ... like some perverse Jacques Cousteau team.
We arrived at the hotel in Ontario, California. If your image of California is sun and beaches – you’d be half right. Ontario is sun … and concrete. Their motto is “Southern California’s Next Urban Center,” so you can imagine how quaint it is. When we arrived at the pageant hotel we went up to Kathy’s suite to make sure it was OK. It was lovely – if it were 1987 in Soviet Georgia. You have to understand that Kathy spends much of her life touring the country, so hotel suites are really her home-away-from-home. When you travel as much as she does, having a comfortable bed is essential, so we were all nervous. Kathy took one look at the room, made a few fun jokes about the stale odor and the view of the parking lot, and it was all good. Love her.
Next we went to check on the pageant stage for lighting and to scout out the flow of the whole event to make sure we’d be able to shoot it properly. The first thing that struck us was how small the room was. Contestants line up behind an office-style divider wall on the side of the stage. The audience of 70 (if the room is filled to capacity) is made up of the parents and contestants who watch each other’s categories. In fact, as the pageant went on, it became clear that the only audience for this pageant is the competitors and their families. The stage was decorated with a giant glittered backdrop with seams that showed that its permanent home is somebody’s garage.
The day of the pageant was a bit of a blur. Kathy relished the comic opportunities everywhere, while Maggie smiled through, counting the minutes. Actually, they both enjoyed each other as they always do. For us, it was an eye-opening experience. Here are a few things we learned about the actual competition watching from the sidelines. (1) Everybody wins a trophy. Most are larger than the contestants. (2) There is no way to predict who will win, since beauty is such a relative term when evaluating toddlers in bikinis and make-up. (3) Everything costs more than you can imagine these families being able to afford – from the expensive cheap dresses to the spray tans to the coaches who teach them the bizarrely codified set of flirtatious movements like “cupcake hands.” It makes you wonder what sacrifices the family has made to afford all of this – other than giving up on a college fund
But the biggest surprise was that the families were very loving toward each other and the girls (with the exception of a few who seemed like shrunken adults) were all having fun, routing for each other, laughing, and playing around. They all knew each other and spoke their own pageant language ... like a dress-up cult. However, they could not have been nicer to Kathy and our crew. All in all, it was a once in a lifetime experience. Please god, make it the once.
Hello..thank you for blogging. I LOVE Kathy and all she does but I was concerned when I saw the previews of her judging a Toddler Pageant. Like most people, I think these pageants are exploitive and perverse. Of course, the children are innocent but the parents have to be insane...why would you subject your child to a bathing suit competition? They're children!! They're not supposed to be judged on the way they look in a bikini!! So, with my finger on the remote, I cringed and started watching this episode...and Kathy rocked it. She spoke directly to the children...which was so sweet and funny. And she didn't call the parents crazy.. at least not to their face. She voiced her disdain for this ridiculous culture in a non-preachy and comedic way...and I loved it!! And I love her. Thanks, Kathy..you're my hero!!
Love you and your whole posse, Maggie is the best! Why are your shows basically docudramas and not your standup shows? Hope to see more standup in the series!!
Kathy, this was one of your best episodes ever. I watched it with my 27 year old daughter and we could not stop laughing. She has always told me she wishes I had put her into beauty contests as a child so your comments and your mom's were absolutely hilarious to us. Don't ever stop doing what you do. You rock it every week.
KATHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have the best show idea for YOU!!!!!!!!! Instead of you redecorating your house yourself, I think you should hook up with JEFF LEWIS from Flipping Out to redo your house. I think you two would be hysterical. Send me my percentage check along with all royalties and EMMY
Loved this episode! and shrunken adults? lol oh and kathy looks amazing!
Here's my life...I'm 55, I think that's 55-100! I had to go back to work because my husband's business couldn't support us because of the economy (he's a swimming pool contractor-luxury item). I'm working at a reservation call center and tonight is the first time I actually had to take calls. Very interesting and I loved talking to our guests but everything is monitored and we are evaluated by our numbers (time on phone, confirmed reservations). I came home at 12 midnight from my shift and poured myself a glass of wine (pinot noir, my favorite), made some popcorn (weird combination, I know) and for the first time watched Kathy Griffin, My life on the D list. What a great way to unwind from my new life! Her outlook on life and its craziness made me laugh often and made me think-things will be okay! C'est la vie! Ain't it the truth!
I have never laughed so hard than I did. Kathy is soooo funny. Sorry it was hard for you but it was sure worth it. By the way, why didn't Kathy hire Jeff Lewis to do her remodel? I remember him saying he wanted to do her house. Just asking.... It could be a whole other show for Bravo.
Living in Sardegna and Roma, I do not usually watch America programs that often, but my maids love the trash. So as a favor, I watched. This poor women Kathy has so many insecurities that it shows in how she handles things. Of course, one problem is that she is not a beautiful women from the outside, but the way she responds also shows that she is ugly to the bone. I would think that in America, the producers could find someone who has a good soul, because the beauty would radiate from within and that is all you need. This poor thing has a bad self-image problem and it is not at all enjoyable to watch. I feel sorry for her and other individuals who are not happy with themselves.
Danny, I haven't watched this episode yet. But reading your blog killed me. My boyfriend had to stay overnight on a business trip in Ontario. "Urban Center" must translate to concrete hell. My boyfriend could not get a signal on his cell phone in the hotel. He couldn't call me in the room so he tried the hallway, still no signal. At one point, he called me and I said "Are you in the lobby calling me?". He said "No, I'm in the parking lot." He had to walk outside to the far end of the parking lot to get one bar on his phone to call me. He has never gone back.
Kathy at a toddler pageant was a BRILLIANT move!!! Hilarious premise in the hands of a master!
Kathy handled it beautifully -- very supportive of each little girl as they whirled and twirled -- (she clearly loves and has true compassion for /understanding of children)-- Yet, Kathy was appropriately disturbed by the whole little girls as mini-women pageant premise.
LOVE, love, love the dynamic between Kathy and her mom. She clearly gets a kick out of and loves her mom, and vice-versa. They are "real".
OMG.......... Just thinking about you and Jeff Lewis working together makes my stomach hurt because I know he would be so a hoot... DO IT!!! DO IT!! DO IT!!
Love you, love the show, love your cast, love it all!!!
Hey Kathy, Ontario is not the biggest sh*thole in California! Not even in the top ten! You need to visit more often. Love to see you at our Improv.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! My beloved brother passed away unexpectedly only four weeks ago and naturally, I haven't found humor in too much lately. BUT ... let me tell you that I just watched this episode and I laughed out loud. I laughed REALLY hard and REALLY loud and more than once. I kept nudging my dogs saying, "OMG, how funny was THAT"? They smiled - I think because they were pleased that I could forget how deeply sad I am for about 46 minutes and laugh my ass off! At least that's the impression. Anyway, they're very supportive. Seriously though, I love the show but I have to say that Kathy and Maggie really did it for me this week. Maggie is the BEST; she goes along with evertything like it's just another day at the office. Thanks to both of them for giving me something hilariously funny to focus on. I haven't laughed like that for weeks!!
Kathy, Call Jeff Lewis and Ryan, they have said they would like to get hold of your house and they are fabulous. Plus it would be good TV.
Love you girl.
I love this show except that Tiffany's constant guffawing is VERY annoying.
Hi, Kathy and Danny!
I, too, think you are funny--very funny. I must speak on your view of Ontario. You were in a less-than-pretty part of town. If you had had time, you would have done well to visit the original city center--the historic downtown. You would have gotten a completely different view of Ontario. It's true that the city really wants to go the way of business and be recognized as an urban center, but we have such a beautiful street-called Euclid. It is a wide street with a green belt in the middle. LOADS of 100 year old trees. In addition are five designated historic housing districts (I live in one). If you ever find an extra minute in your schedule (I know, unlikely), I hope you can come and look at a different area. Where you were was not the best place to be. Please try again. I think you'd be pleasantly surprised.
Sincerely, Kristin McConnell Ontario resident since 2001. :)
SO funny! My husband was asking: What are you watching (and not in a good way). LOVED the girls giving Kathy advice and letting Kathy know the way things were. Letting them be the judges, again SO funny. I laughed SO much through the entire episode. Kathy, you are extremely good at what you do: make fun of whoever, you deserve (in my opinion) all the success and fun you have in your liif! Thanks for making me laugh!
I have got to say...this show was hilarious!!! I am a fan of both Kathy Griffin and the pageant shows. Kathy was funny and true to herself, in a kinder, gentler way. She was great with the pageant girls! And the pageant girls, their parents, and the pageant director were awesome! The parents 'got' what Kathy was trying to portray, and played along with her...and the girls were sweet and polite, no matter how much hair and makeup they had on.
OH...and love Kathy's new sidekick, Spencie...
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