The Doctor's In!

Dr. Eris Huemer explains that you can't force your partner to be on the same page as you.

on Apr 22, 20130

 

We all go through times in our relationship where 
we encounter discomfort in our relationships.
 We think to ourselves, "Did I choose the right person?" 
We have countless reasons why "this just won't work."



The majority of the time we blame the other person for why it "won't" and "can't" work.

There are times when this is true -- like when the red flags are so huge you can't ignore them, and the other person is unwilling to change these things within themselves. However, the majority of the time you CAN work through challenging situations.



Your spouse may be emotionally "checked-out"
of the relationship and not seem to care about making any efforts of their own. 

You ask yourself, "How do I get my spouse to change?"

You have a list of 101 things that you could change about them.



So, how are you going to make your spouse change?

 You aren't!

 When you really think about it; nobody makes changes when it is IMPOSED UPON THEM. 

We like to INITIATE OUR OWN CHANGES. 

When we feel forced or manipulated to change, then we resist with all our might.



Your spouse may not be willing to change for the sake of your relationship -- right now. But, that doesn't mean that they don't want to be with you.

 Everyone wants a great relationship. 

But, the fact is that if they're going to change, they want the change to be THEIR IDEA -- when they are ready. 

Your spouse will not change one second before then. 

And, the more you push them, nag them, threaten them, ask them, scream at them, or beg them, the LESS LIKELY they are to change.



2 comments
lovpai_090
lovpai_090

Me trying to change my spouse when  I was married was the very reason I am not married.

Yes, there were certain behaviors we both needed to change, but it didn't matter what he said or I said back...individuals don't always change for another person...in my opinion...we change when we are ready to change for self.  I do agree that when you love yourself and your spouse, change will happen when facing the hard work that maybe needed in therapy. Thanks Dr. Eris.

DeNean

judy@london
judy@london

Thanks for the great advice,I enjoyed watching you on the show.